Intro... and BPD and Drug Addiction

[Maresme]

First, I want to say that my boyfriend is one of the most beautiful human beings I've ever met. On his good days he is a fun, supportive, loving partner who has helped me work through some really difficult things. He is also an AMAZING father to my autistic son.

That aside, we have been living a nightmare for the last year and I had no idea what was happening. We've been together for just under two years. His long-time diagnosis had been depression, anxiety, rage, and something like "bi-polar-like symptoms" His doctor, who he has not even seen in person for years has continued to refill his large and addictive collection of drugs all this time. (Holy mother of unethical!) I was never aware that in the past he had struggled with serious drug addiction. I wasn't even aware that he's been abusing his prescriptions and smoking pot our entire relationship. The last time I had done any drugs, I was 18. We were talking about our respective teenage misadventures one night and I casually said it would be fun to do Ecstasy again some time. In June he surprised me (slipping it in my drink) with a dose of E. It was a fun night. Unfortunately, obtaining this I believe was how he made contact with people from his past, who also had access to other drugs. In July my son and I were in a serious car accident. He drove an hour to the hospital convinced we were dead. I lived in a haze for about 6 months (head trauma) and suffered from PTSD. I kind of lived in a confusing really terrifying bubble. Lots of blackspots. During this time things just got... bad... I didn't understand why. We did ecstasy more regularly... or what I thought was ecstasy. Our sex life got scary. Our life felt out of control. Finally everything got so scary one night that I left, ran out the door and walked two miles to a friends house. The next day when he left, my friend and I packed up as much of my stuff as I could fit in my car. This was when I found his stash. A big bag of white powder I thought was cocaine. My friend looked at it and smelled it and realized that it was meth. And everything clicked together.

I moved back to NC. He got clean. He discovered his correct diagnosis (confirmed) and it was such a great relief... "Hey! We know what's wrong now! We can fix it!" He came to get us back. He was himself again. So we decided to try again.

The last two weeks he's been using. I know exactly what it looks like now. It's his usual rollercoaster, but multiplied by ten. I'm drowning. I'm terrified of us being right back where we were. I found a psychiatrist that specializes in Personality disorders and Addiction. I feel so desperate right now. HE seems desperate. And we can't even truly address the BPD until he gets clean.

If there's anyone here who know's of someone with BPD who has successfully kicked a meth addiction, I'd really really like to know I'm not a complete idiot for hoping that we can have a healthy relationship one day.

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[Rapt Reader]

Hello, Maresme &

I'm so sorry for the stress and trauma you have been going through, and I hope that you and your son are safe--that is the first priority... .

I don't have any experience with a loved one with a meth addiction, but I do have an adult (38) son who used to have a Heroin addiction for a few years. He detoxed (though was still addicted), and then was admitted to a Dual Diagnosis Center where he was diagnosed with BPD, in 2013. They treated his mental health issues as his first problem, and his addiction problems as co-morbid. He has been clean and sober ever since (two years!), and is also in recovery for the BPD as well; he is the happiest and healthiest he has ever been... .

My son is still in treatment: Out-Patient Therapy once/week, Neurofeedback Therapy once/week (changing to twice/month now) and a Psychiatrist once/month. Though he is totally clean and sober, he needs the treatments and I don't see them ending any time soon... .I don't believe he would even be diagnosed with BPD at this time, though, so I know that recovery from that is possible, also.

Please get your boyfriend help; he cannot kick this addiction or solve his BPD problems on his own. There may be a Dual Diagnosis Center near you--my son had completed 2 different regular Rehabs in a 3-year period (the last one was a year before the Dual Diagnosis admittance), and neither of them addressed his mental health issues and he relapsed both times. The DDx Center was the only program that helped him in a real and sustainable way, and I highly recommend it for people with addictions combined with BPD or other mental health issues.

Please take care of yourself and your son, Maresme, and I hope your boyfriend can find the help he needs