Progress and thanks

[Tibbles]

Hi

A big day today and I need to write it out to help process it all. Brief back ground - together 30 yrs, Marriage great for 10, wobbly for 10, true BPD hell for 10. I left - go me! I'm in a rental, ex in family home. No finance behind us - ex was an impulsive spender - spent every cent as soon as it came into his hands so I need the capital in the house to get another mortgage.

At long last I have got to a place where I am ready to proceed with divorce and sorting out the selling of the family home so I can buy a new home for me and my grown up kids. I've taken the day off work to go see a lawyer to make sense of all the legal threats ex has made so I know what he can and cannot do to me legally. I'm sitting outside having a cuppa and guess who turns up to deliver some mail - the ex!

I felt OK - a bit of a panic when I realised I would have to see him - I didn't want to go into the house and run away so I went and spoke to him. I felt OK  - panic quickly went, I felt grounded and centered and I stayed true to me. Didn't slip into co-dependent mode at all, I stayed a person with boundaries and only gave info I felt comfortable sharing, I took on none of his negative sob stories. They didn't even leave me cold. I just ignored them and thought that is his stuff and I am glad I am out of it. He had opened one of my letters - gave an explanation as to why which only makes sense to a person with BPD, and I just thought - that's his stuff, glad I'm out! Go me. Very pleased with myself in case you can't tell!

Now the down side - I am very sure "Crazy Man" is going to appear as soon as he realises I have moved on and want a divorce and $ from the house. Very scared about this. He is high functioning and clever and smart and articulate and knows how to fight - comes from a family of fighters. I am going to have to have contact with him through the process. When I am NC I am healing, and growing and loving life. Contact and conflict triggers a whole heap of things in me and I am very afraid. But that is the next stage of getting free and I am now ready to face it and go through it. Will be coming here lots.

Would not have got to this place without the information and sharing that is on this board. So glad I found it. So grateful to all those who have posted and helped me without even knowing I was reading and learning from you. Thank you, thank you, thank you

Off to the lawyers - the next step in breaking free.

[tjay933]

have you read the book "splitting" for divorcing a pwBPD? I've heard it makes the divorce much easier. keep writing and stay safe. 

[Hope0807]

I second the book "Splitting"…a life saver for sure!  Good luck!  Stay calm above all else.

have you read the book "splitting" for divorcing a pwBPD? I've heard it makes the divorce much easier. keep writing and stay safe. 

[Tibbles]

Thanks tjay933 and Hope0807. I'll find that book and read it thoroughly.

x x x

[Unducky]

You sound so strong and like you have such a positive outlook!  You are probably right that there will still be hard times ahead during your divorce, but you are going to be okay and things will be better on the other side of it.  You should feel proud!