Finally free, at least mostly.

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

This is my introduction post, so I guess I'll share my story a bit.

My ex-wife was diagnosed with BPD in her teen years. I was aware of this when we entered our relationship, but I was young and wasn't fully aware of what was to come. I'd say that I wish I had known about this forum then, but that wouldn't be entirely truthful.

In the beginning of our relationship she had, or to the best of my knowledge, kicked an addiction to drugs. She had been in a pretty bed way leading up to our connection but I felt like she had moved past it enough to be in a healthy relationship. Everything was good the first year or so. We rushed the engagement and marriage more than we should have, but like I said we were young and didn't know any better. After our marriage, we were able to get her son back who had been staying with a grandparent because of where her life had taken her previously. Later that same year we had a miscarriage which is when I first started to notice that something was off. Things were tumultuous for a time, but some time later she became pregnant again and things seemed to get much better.

Then the recession hit and due to previous issues and the stress of being jobless with a baby on the way, we separated for a time. This lasted somewhere in the neighborhood of 5 months. I still couldn't find work. Then she hit me with a proposal. We should come back together and move across the country to start anew. She father had offered us a place to stay to help get us back on our feet. We accepted and moved. I was able to find work, our baby boy was born, we paid our debt down and everything was looking great.

A few months later I was offered my old job back, and after much discussion we decided this was the best for our family. Not long after being back, the bickering began once again. I don't want to make it seem like I am completely innocent, though. I admit fault where fault is due, and this round of fault was mostly mine. She had discovered that during our separation, I had been seeing someone else and I had failed to tell her about it. Whether it be right or wrong, Its my demon and I have to live with it. I just felt like I needed connection, to be honest. Anyway, long story short she left me for a couple of months and took the kids. During this time I learned that she had been visiting her addiction of days past. During that time I remember feeling a mixture of guilt, anger, surprise, horror, sadness... .the list goes on. I think this was truly the ending point of our relationship was for all intents and purposed. But was it the literal end? Of course not. She came back, got clean, and we seemed to patch things up and before I knew it she was pregnant again.

I though things would be good again, at least for a while. And I guess they were, just very intermittently. She didn't want another child and although nobody else would be able to tell you this, she wouldn't let me forget it. It was painful to be the only one so excited for another child. But when our daughter arrived she was loved and accepted nonetheless. Things were good again... .for maybe two months. Postpartum depression set in and it was a doozy. Suddenly I couldn't do anything right or good enough, and she alienated herself from me and the kids. When my daughter was five months old she left again. This time without the kids, which I was thankful for. She chased the fast life for almost a year before coming back this time. The time had not been easy on her and I wasn't too keen on taking her back. But after all, she was clean again(or so I though) and she is the mother of my children, how many chances is enough? I honestly think it was all a ruse at this point. She need a place to crash between binges. I was none the wiser though, and honestly before long I was more than happy when she was out.

During this time, we fought almost constantly. When we weren't fighting, we ignored each other. It seemed like when I would extend a hand out to try to help and get her on the right path, she would get farther and farther away. This lasted through the rest of that year and into the next. June of 2014 she left again under the pretense of a vacation. She took her son with her, whom I had accepted as mine, but had no legal say-so. She tried to take the other two kids, but I couldn't allow it. I had been contemplating divorce for some time, but the final straw was the same day she left when I found meth in my house. I was dumbfounded. How could someone be so reckless and inconsiderate? Had one of the kids gotten ahold of it and decided it was candy, they likely would not be here any more. A week later I filed the divorce papers. The same day I found out that she was on her way back, only without her son. She had left him with his bio dad and family. This was a huge dagger to the chest. She trusted people who had not lifted one finger in his 8 years of life to see his needs met? Luckily, her father went and picked him up, which is where he currently resides. Safe, loved, and happy yes, but I miss him so much.

Upon her arrival, she was served with the divorce order. After reading that I had requested sole custody of the kids, her only response was "You're asking for child support? You know I don't have a job." then she scoffed and walked away. The following couple of weeks were the worst yet. When she wasn't gone all she wanted to do was fight with me. Luckily I made it clear that all conversations were being recorded. Otherwise, I fear that it could have gotten much worse. I got a hearing for temporary orders for custody of the kids, served her those papers and she didn't even show up to the hearing. I was awarded the temp orders and she had to leave. Fast forward six moths and we are divorced and she is in jail on drug charges using mental incompetence as her defense.

Although I am free from the stressful day-to-day life. I know that one day we will meet again. I just hope that by that time she has gotten the help she needs to be able to manage better. I have custody of my kids which is great and more awesome as the days go by. But they still have love for their mother, which it great. If there is one kind of unconditional love I have seen it is that from a child to their parent. I want them to be able to spend time with their mother again in the future.

Wow, that was long winded and probably flows like a dried up river. If you read it, thanks.

If not

tl;dr ex-wife diagnosed with BPD before marriage, 6 year tumultuous marriage that spawned two awesome kids. Divorced now and have custody of the kids, she is in jail.

[Proletarian-]

This is my introduction post, so I guess I'll share my story a bit.

My ex-wife was diagnosed with BPD in her teen years. I was aware of this when we entered our relationship, but I was young and wasn't fully aware of what was to come. I'd say that I wish I had known about this forum then, but that wouldn't be entirely truthful.

In the beginning of our relationship she had, or to the best of my knowledge, kicked an addiction to drugs. She had been in a pretty bed way leading up to our connection but I felt like she had moved past it enough to be in a healthy relationship. Everything was good the first year or so. We rushed the engagement and marriage more than we should have, but like I said we were young and didn't know any better. After our marriage, we were able to get her son back who had been staying with a grandparent because of where her life had taken her previously. Later that same year we had a miscarriage which is when I first started to notice that something was off. Things were tumultuous for a time, but some time later she became pregnant again and things seemed to get much better.

Then the recession hit and due to previous issues and the stress of being jobless with a baby on the way, we separated for a time. This lasted somewhere in the neighborhood of 5 months. I still couldn't find work. Then she hit me with a proposal. We should come back together and move across the country to start anew. She father had offered us a place to stay to help get us back on our feet. We accepted and moved. I was able to find work, our baby boy was born, we paid our debt down and everything was looking great.

A few months later I was offered my old job back, and after much discussion we decided this was the best for our family. Not long after being back, the bickering began once again. I don't want to make it seem like I am completely innocent, though. I admit fault where fault is due, and this round of fault was mostly mine. She had discovered that during our separation, I had been seeing someone else and I had failed to tell her about it. Whether it be right or wrong, Its my demon and I have to live with it. I just felt like I needed connection, to be honest. Anyway, long story short she left me for a couple of months and took the kids. During this time I learned that she had been visiting her addiction of days past. During that time I remember feeling a mixture of guilt, anger, surprise, horror, sadness... .the list goes on. I think this was truly the ending point of our relationship was for all intents and purposed. But was it the literal end? Of course not. She came back, got clean, and we seemed to patch things up and before I knew it she was pregnant again.

I though things would be good again, at least for a while. And I guess they were, just very intermittently. She didn't want another child and although nobody else would be able to tell you this, she wouldn't let me forget it. It was painful to be the only one so excited for another child. But when our daughter arrived she was loved and accepted nonetheless. Things were good again... .for maybe two months. Postpartum depression set in and it was a doozy. Suddenly I couldn't do anything right or good enough, and she alienated herself from me and the kids. When my daughter was five months old she left again. This time without the kids, which I was thankful for. She chased the fast life for almost a year before coming back this time. The time had not been easy on her and I wasn't too keen on taking her back. But after all, she was clean again(or so I though) and she is the mother of my children, how many chances is enough? I honestly think it was all a ruse at this point. She need a place to crash between binges. I was none the wiser though, and honestly before long I was more than happy when she was out.

During this time, we fought almost constantly. When we weren't fighting, we ignored each other. It seemed like when I would extend a hand out to try to help and get her on the right path, she would get farther and farther away. This lasted through the rest of that year and into the next. June of 2014 she left again under the pretense of a vacation. She took her son with her, whom I had accepted as mine, but had no legal say-so. She tried to take the other two kids, but I couldn't allow it. I had been contemplating divorce for some time, but the final straw was the same day she left when I found meth in my house. I was dumbfounded. How could someone be so reckless and inconsiderate? Had one of the kids gotten ahold of it and decided it was candy, they likely would not be here any more. A week later I filed the divorce papers. The same day I found out that she was on her way back, only without her son. She had left him with his bio dad and family. This was a huge dagger to the chest. She trusted people who had not lifted one finger in his 8 years of life to see his needs met? Luckily, her father went and picked him up, which is where he currently resides. Safe, loved, and happy yes, but I miss him so much.

Upon her arrival, she was served with the divorce order. After reading that I had requested sole custody of the kids, her only response was "You're asking for child support? You know I don't have a job." then she scoffed and walked away. The following couple of weeks were the worst yet. When she wasn't gone all she wanted to do was fight with me. Luckily I made it clear that all conversations were being recorded. Otherwise, I fear that it could have gotten much worse. I got a hearing for temporary orders for custody of the kids, served her those papers and she didn't even show up to the hearing. I was awarded the temp orders and she had to leave. Fast forward six moths and we are divorced and she is in jail on drug charges using mental incompetence as her defense.

Although I am free from the stressful day-to-day life. I know that one day we will meet again. I just hope that by that time she has gotten the help she needs to be able to manage better. I have custody of my kids which is great and more awesome as the days go by. But they still have love for their mother, which it great. If there is one kind of unconditional love I have seen it is that from a child to their parent. I want them to be able to spend time with their mother again in the future.

Wow, that was long winded and probably flows like a dried up river. If you read it, thanks.

If not

tl;dr ex-wife diagnosed with BPD before marriage, 6 year tumultuous marriage that spawned two awesome kids. Divorced now and have custody of the kids, she is in jail.

[GrowThroughIt]

Hey man.

Welcome to the family!

Your post was very interesting but sad at the same time. However, by the time I got to the end, I felt very happy for you!

I hope everything goes well for you! Pour your heart out on here! It'll help!

[CloseToFreedom]

Wow, what a story. So sad that this happened to you. You seem very strong however, and have got it together for the sake of your kids. 

[Proletarian-]

GrowThroughIt - Thank you for the welcoming words. Ill try to pour my heart out here, truth be told my ex's mom told me about this place and after checking it out it took me a few days to actually convince myself to go ahead and write anything at all. Glad I did though, seems to have help a bit just summarizing the whole thing.

CloseToFreedom - You pretty much summed it up. I had to stay strong for the kids. Without them, I think it would have been a lot worse. I always had someone to turn to that could just smile and tell me they loved me which kept me chugging along. They are definitely my source of strength.