We found our way here... but where are all the others?

[Numbers]

Just a thought that occurred to me today... .I'm still sorting through my slip after 15 moths NC.

So, here's the thing - let's take UK as an example - NHS estimates 2% of BPD in general population. That makes 1,3 million people affected in UK alone. Let's say each goes through 3-4 major relationships that end up in devastation. That makes (without certainly possible overlaps) 4,5 MILLION hurt people in only in UK. Apply this to the rest of the world, and we are talking about tens, hundreds of million hurt souls.

This is a community of 75.000, all other are much smaller, so let' say 150.000 worldwide that went for knowledge. Once this site had a map showing where currently active people are located. I figure that at that time I was the only poster from my country.

My question is - what are all these other people doing to handle the grief? Are they not hurt as much as me or are they simply handling this through other means? If so, which?

I guess I just want to find out something (positive) about me that made me reach out, something that makes me different in a good way. Something I can apply to fight this.

[Dutched]

As you are giving data, here some more from that land with those mills.

= a 75% of pwBPD are women

= a 80% of divorces are initiated by women (special to the ladies on this Board: NO offence)

Reason is in 60%: bad communication and/or conflict of character

= a 20% are high conflict divorces (… how many ‘invisibles’ without a label… involved?).

There are several private initiatives:

= private persons maintaining a blog on which comments can be placed. As far IMO there is no quality offered, nor moderation, just exchange of experiences and soothing each other.

= 1 private Board (of which I was a member yrs. ago) of a married couple of which the wife is diagnosed BPD, together for a 25+ yrs. A Board split into 2 parts, strictly separated parts for non’s and pwBPD. Moderated and with lessons, literature.

However very, very hard to find via Google. 

= a nation wide BPD-foundation, however not known to the general public. They lack of financial funds, so aim their targets on the medical world to educate them more.

Another part of their services is (in cooperation with Mental Institutions) to establish local Groups (which I joined yrs. ago).

As experienced already yrs. ago in that r/s, family doctors are not aware, not educated to see any signs of BPD

Even most psychologists still have an outdated knowledge, one of a 15 yrs. ago. They are not even aware of genetic factors, or significant biological brain differences that were found. On the contrary I tend to say, still maintaining the ‘illusion’ of abuse only.

As for ‘these other people’, well I think that we can’t generalize of course.

Can I say that we are a ‘special kind of breed’ ?

A breed that looks for answers (already yrs. before the end of that r/s), wants to maintain the r/s, to understand, learn and above all, wants to look deep into our selves?

Take a look around you, people that are still in a r/s:

= They might think it is a normal r/s dynamic… a partner that is ‘just difficult’

= They become emotionally immune, flee into hobbies, etc.

= They question or start to question their own sanity and reach for help, look for answers.

People out of a r/s:

Family is the 1st place to go to, but feel not understood by them

Close friends will be likely on 2nd place, but no understanding from them either

Staying in their own grieve, having to process the pain by themselves without support

In the end believing the advices of trusted ones to ‘finally get over it’, ‘live continues!’, etc. 

Living a life of maybe wondering, falling into the next (same) trap, etc.

[Hope0807]

I think of this idea all the time.  I see the friends who have been devastated by persons with patterns of behavior that all amount to them having danced with a personality disorder and they walk away blaming themselves and forever broken without this incredible knowledge. 

Just a thought that occurred to me today... .I'm still sorting through my slip after 15 moths NC.

So, here's the thing - let's take UK as an example - NHS estimates 2% of BPD in general population. That makes 1,3 million people affected in UK alone. Let's say each goes through 3-4 major relationships that end up in devastation. That makes (without certainly possible overlaps) 4,5 MILLION hurt people in only in UK. Apply this to the rest of the world, and we are talking about tens, hundreds of million hurt souls.

This is a community of 75.000, all other are much smaller, so let' say 150.000 worldwide that went for knowledge. Once this site had a map showing where currently active people are located. I figure that at that time I was the only poster from my country.

My question is - what are all these other people doing to handle the grief? Are they not hurt as much as me or are they simply handling this through other means? If so, which?

I guess I just want to find out something (positive) about me that made me reach out, something that makes me different in a good way. Something I can apply to fight this.

[Blimblam]

I think  a good portion of them end up in therapy.  Another large portion probably labels them as "bipolar." I have heard a few stories from folks about the cazy ex and how it took them years to get over it.  For example my cousin he got into one relationship afterwards and after that fell apart he is pretty much just too avoidant to really attach to any one girl and plays te Field. 

I know another guy and he just drinks and then complains about her and how he's a good person over and over years later. 

Then there's my dad he just remarried and never seemed to grieve her at all?

[Perfidy]

They don't brush with fluoride toothpaste.