What causes the stalking?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I understand why they recycle. It's an emotional "booty call" that lasts for months.

But I don't get the stalking.

My ex claims she's gay. All three breakups were supposedly due to me forcing her to go against her sexuality. The final time, she claimed we'd never dated and that I was a crackhead making up stories to feel better about being rejected. Typical BPD stuff.

Then the stalking started.

I started a smear campaign before she could get hers off the ground. I made it clear I never wanted to speak to her again.

Suddenly she was calling my mom, texting my friends, texting me in the early hours of the morning, multiple facebook accounts, commenting on articles I've written claiming Im stalking her, posting on an automotive forum I frequent baiting me into talking about her, making passive aggressive tweets, unblocking me on Instagram, her sister unblocking me on facebook, her dad making empty legal threats, multiple strange facebook friend requests in the week the process server was trying to serve her, and viewing my posts on here.

All from a supposed "lesbian", years after we'd broke up.

I understand she may be upset over some of the things I spread about her, but this behavior seems excessive and hypocritical.

I say excessive because outside of here I'm a writer for my hobby and receive a flurry of derogatory comments daily. Multiple companies have came after me, and the satirical blog I run generates so much hatred that I can't post on other message boards without people jumping down my throat.

I couldn't imagine giving these people five minutes of my attention. I need help understanding how my ex can devote that much attention to me long after we've split.

[.cup.car]

I understand why they recycle. It's an emotional "booty call" that lasts for months.

But I don't get the stalking.

My ex claims she's gay. All three breakups were supposedly due to me forcing her to go against her sexuality. The final time, she claimed we'd never dated and that I was a crackhead making up stories to feel better about being rejected. Typical BPD stuff.

Then the stalking started.

I started a smear campaign before she could get hers off the ground. I made it clear I never wanted to speak to her again.

Suddenly she was calling my mom, texting my friends, texting me in the early hours of the morning, multiple facebook accounts, commenting on articles I've written claiming Im stalking her, posting on an automotive forum I frequent baiting me into talking about her, making passive aggressive tweets, unblocking me on Instagram, her sister unblocking me on facebook, her dad making empty legal threats, multiple strange facebook friend requests in the week the process server was trying to serve her, and viewing my posts on here.

All from a supposed "lesbian", years after we'd broke up.

I understand she may be upset over some of the things I spread about her, but this behavior seems excessive and hypocritical.

I say excessive because outside of here I'm a writer for my hobby and receive a flurry of derogatory comments daily. Multiple companies have came after me, and the satirical blog I run generates so much hatred that I can't post on other message boards without people jumping down my throat.

I couldn't imagine giving these people five minutes of my attention. I need help understanding how my ex can devote that much attention to me long after we've split.

[Infared]

I understand why they recycle. It's an emotional "booty call" that lasts for months.

But I don't get the stalking.

My ex claims she's gay. All three breakups were supposedly due to me forcing her to go against her sexuality. The final time, she claimed we'd never dated and that I was a crackhead making up stories to feel better about being rejected. Typical BPD stuff.

Then the stalking started.

I started a smear campaign before she could get hers off the ground. I made it clear I never wanted to speak to her again.

Suddenly she was calling my mom, texting my friends, texting me in the early hours of the morning, multiple facebook accounts, commenting on articles I've written claiming Im stalking her, posting on an automotive forum I frequent baiting me into talking about her, making passive aggressive tweets, unblocking me on Instagram, her sister unblocking me on facebook, her dad making empty legal threats, multiple strange facebook friend requests in the week the process server was trying to serve her, and viewing my posts on here.

All from a supposed "lesbian", years after we'd broke up.

I understand she may be upset over some of the things I spread about her, but this behavior seems excessive and hypocritical.

I say excessive because outside of here I'm a writer for my hobby and receive a flurry of derogatory comments daily. Multiple companies have came after me, and the satirical blog I run generates so much hatred that I can't post on other message boards without people jumping down my throat.

I couldn't imagine giving these people five minutes of my attention. I need help understanding how my ex can devote that much attention to me long after we've split.

What causes the stalking?

Um... they are bat$hit crazy? For the behaviors I have witnessed there just is no other explanation and certainly no explaining it or defending it. That is why most times when I called her on all of the nonsense... she just denied it! Problem gone in their world.

[Reecer1588]

Perverted thoughts of mine

I wish I knew my ex were "stalking me," I wish I knew that she still thought about me at all

[raisins3142]

My mother is in conflict with my sister in law that is cluster b.

My mother called me and was trying to make sense of all this.

I echoed what was said above by infrared that "you are trying to make sense of an irrational person" and "you are imagining her intent as if you were the one doing it, she likely has different reasons and it is less purposeful than if you were doing it as a healthier person".

I must admit I almost stalked my ex while we were still together.  She had me convinced she was likely seeing other people.  It was very hard not to find out for sure in a way that would hurt my character.  And I have a skill set that would allow me to find out (science and technology background).  But I didn't.  Heck, I could've DNA fingerprinted the hair in her shower to see how many different men had used it.  

[ogopogodude]

One must acknowledge that there are dozens and dozens of subtypes of BPD (I read the # once as over 230 types).

Anyways, my ex is/was a stalker.  That three word phrase you used is bang on: emotional booty call.

An analogy I use is a vampire looking for a dedicated source from which to draw more blood (energy).  A Bpd's relatives are good reliable source from which to do so, because the BPD know's that they can test the boundaries from time to time.

A boundary can either be drawn in the sand (the worst kind of boundary) or set in stone using a concrete barrier (the best kind of boundary, ... .one that a BPD will not even test as it is seen as pointless).

A BPD can and will stalk you if their other sources (of the watering hole "dry up".

[lipstick]

Well, let's see... .reasons for my ex stalking me... .there are many. And he does it thru multiple Facebook accounts so that his spouse can't "bust" him. He doesn't leave a trail for her to follow.

The reasons would be :

1.)  I am 13 years younger than his spouse.

2.)  Far more attractive and have a personality.

3.)  I'm not violent and never got him banned from restaurants

4.)  I've never rammed his vehicle with my own (yes... .she did!)

5.)  I've never punched him in the face and broken his nose while he was sleeping in his recliner (yes... .she did!)

6.)  I actually have skills and can earn a living. Don't have to depend on him for everything.

7.)  I'm healthy and in good shape for my age (50). I take care of myself.

8.)  I'm not a raging alcoholic

9.)  I can think for myself and have my own interests.

10.) He had a sex life with me... .theirs dried up about 14 years ago.   

Yep... .he stalks. I think he's just trying to make sure I'm on the back burner. Sorry... .I'm not ! 

[.cup.car]

Um... they are bat$hit crazy? For the behaviors I have witnessed there just is no other explanation and certainly no explaining it or defending it.

I wish I could leave it at that, but it helps for me to learn the motives behind how someone acts so it doesn't hurt me as much. The more I analyze and understand why someone acted a certain way, the less I'm bothered by how I was treated.

For example, I was friends with a guy very similar to Elliott Rodger. At first, we were great friends, then he basically turned into a sociopath, down to the really zany schemes he dreamed up to make money. In the end, he treated me poorly because he was jealous of me for several reasons. I had several long-lasting friendships, hobbies that were rewarding to participate in, and was good with money, all qualities he did not have. That helped me get over the end of the friendship very quickly.

I have my own theory as to why my ex is still attached to me on this level, but it opens up a whole new can of worms that deserves its own reply.

A BPD can and will stalk you if their other sources (of the watering hole "dry up".

What is she gaining from this, though? It's so nonsensical there HAS to be a motive behind it. We're done recycling. Made it pretty clear both in private and in front of a judge that we have no desire to associate with each other.

On top of this, she tells everyone she's a lesbian. She's on dating sites as a lesbian. She's active in the LGBT scene.

And yet here she is, spending years after the relationship contacting my friends, contacting my family, texting me late at night, and following me around the internet to start drama that doesn't even benefit her - just makes her look nutty.

Like, you'd think somebody would clue in and say "yo, what's this restraining order all about? why is that a guy's name? aren't you a lesbian? why were you stalking a guy?"