contract with pwBPD

[tjay933]

hi all,

have any of you tried/considered writing up a contract with your BPD as to conditions/rules etc for them and you to live by? kind of like boundaries written down so that you/they can refer to them instead of just keeping them in your heads? just curious if this approach has or will work is all.

we are currently split but every once in a while I wonder if we could make it work if certain things were different and some things were written in stone so to speak.

thx

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[EaglesJuju]

I have done something like this, but it was a list of expectations for the both of us.  It worked for a little while, but some of the expectations overwhelmed him. At the time, it was too much for him cope with. He told me that he would look at the list of expectations and it would make him go through a cycle of anxiety/depression. 

For this to work, I think a pwBPD needs to be very self-aware, in treatment, and not dysregulating.  Also, focusing on one thing at a time would be the best way to approach this.

[tjay933]

thx eagles,

you're probably right about it being too much for them to handle. he has a bad memory so I thought this might be helpful but because of his bad memory it might just make him feel worse about himself which would be self-defeating.

[EaglesJuju]

thx eagles,

you're probably right about it being too much for them to handle. he has a bad memory so I thought this might be helpful but because of his bad memory it might just make him feel worse about himself which would be self-defeating.

I found that the best things to have written in stone (text, email, letter) are validating comments.