Difficult to get my head around, just how crazy soBPD is

[rockdog]

I have researched and read hours and hours of information on BPD.  Information is good, but the magnitude of the craziness and deception is impossible for me to understand.  I think SO should be locked up.  Never able to hurt someone again.  In my work(retired police chief) I came in contact with many mental people, but it was obvious they were a little nuts.  Not like my SO who acted like a moral and wonderful person.  But changed overnight into a monster with no morals or any light. 

[tjay933]

welcome to the group 

it might be easier to lock up the "non-BPDs" and let the pwBPD deal with each other. 

[ta777]

It's a common theme around here. The pwBPD will seem like a seemingly good person throughout the relationship but they'll eventually show their true colors. "Monster" is exactly how I described my ex of 4 years after she discarded me as if I was nothing to her without remorse and left me for someone else. I also found out about all the lies she had been telling and hiding throughout our relationship after the breakup.

[HappyNihilist]

Hi there, rockdog, and welcome to bpdfamily. You'll find a lot of people here who understand.

It sounds like you've been through the wringer. I'm so sorry.  

BPD can be absolutely devastating to a relationship. As I'm sure you know from your research, the worst behavior is often brought on when the borderline's intimacy fears are triggered. And it is difficult for a non-disordered person to understand what it's like to have no sense of self, and have to rely on mirroring, "personas," and other unhealthy defense mechanisms.

Experiencing this behavior in a significant other is confusing and painful. Especially when we are pushed off our pedestal, and the borderline "mask" comes off.

Are you and your SO currently together? How long have you been (or were you) together? What is some of the "craziness and deception" you've experienced?

[Tibbles]

Hi Rockdog and welcome.

Yes it is hard to get your head around just how crazy they can become. How can some one who seemed to have such good qualities in the beginning do and say the things they do and say. You are not alone in being bewildered by it all.

[Infared]

I have researched and read hours and hours of information on BPD.  Information is good, but the magnitude of the craziness and deception is impossible for me to understand.  I think SO should be locked up.  Never able to hurt someone again.  In my work(retired police chief) I came in contact with many mental people, but it was obvious they were a little nuts.  Not like my SO who acted like a moral and wonderful person.  But changed overnight into a monster with no morals or any light.  

My experience EXACTLY ... .but if I am honest... in the beginning I could see the writing on the wall if I took serious stock of an overview of her life and also the way that she treated her ex. The love-bombing sucked me in and I believed that "other stuff" would never happen to me!

After 5years, it did... ."seemingly" out of nowhere... .with a vengeance!

Dey is mentally ill and extremely self-centered. It's insanity.  All we can do is pick up the pieces, work on ourselves and see our part in what brought us there! 

[Infared]

Hi there, rockdog, and welcome to bpdfamily. You'll find a lot of people here who understand.

It sounds like you've been through the wringer. I'm so sorry.  

BPD can be absolutely devastating to a relationship. As I'm sure you know from your research, the worst behavior is often brought on when the borderline's intimacy fears are triggered. And it is difficult for a non-disordered person to understand what it's like to have no sense of self, and have to rely on mirroring, "personas," and other unhealthy defense mechanisms.

Experiencing this behavior in a significant other is confusing and painful. Especially when we are pushed off our pedestal, and the borderline "mask" comes off.

... .so well said! 

[downwhim]

Rockdog, welcome! It does help to read all you can about this crazy mental illness. I was in my r/s for 8 years until he raged for a month and ended our engagement on on email!

He too wore different colors. Always opened the doors for me, brought me flowers, paid for dates, brought me coffee in the morning, wore cologne (just for me), had great sex for many years then... .done.

It is shocking, lonely, remarkably devastating and an eye opener into BPD. When his mask fell off  he shocked my entire family. Plans made were ended abruptly, he holds the only video to my son's wedding and refuses to share it, he did not pick up his belongings he raged about at my office. I was a total wreck over all of this. Still shaking my head 5 months later and realizing  's were all around me but my rose colored glasses felt better. He love bombed me hard. The devaluation and immediate dumpster staring me in the face caught me so off guard. Everyday he said he loved me until the last week.

Recovery is a lot of work. N/C has helped but very, very hard at first. Hang in there. We are all in the same boat  .

[rockdog]

Thanks everyone for the welcome.  It means a lot to me and my recovery.  As I go through recovery I really noticed how messed up I have become.  The over whelming feeling of being helpless in the situation.  The damage to my soul and spirit and many other results of being verbally abused.  I have really had to force myself to get out and talk with people.  To have new people in my life has been very good.  It is helping to get a perspective of myself that my x had worked so hard to( destroy the last five years).

Simply "I am a good man" and people do like me.  Lots of healing that needs to be done,  but it is so nice to have a little peace that my x can not destroy.  Again thank you all for a nice welcome.

[Infared]

Thanks everyone for the welcome.  It means a lot to me and my recovery.  As I go through recovery I really noticed how messed up I have become.  The over whelming feeling of being helpless in the situation.  The damage to my soul and spirit and many other results of being verbally abused.  I have really had to force myself to get out and talk with people.  To have new people in my life has been very good.  It is helping to get a perspective of myself that my x had worked so hard to( destroy the last five years).

Simply "I am a good man" and people do like me.  Lots of healing that needs to be done,  but it is so nice to have a little peace that my x can not destroy.  Again thank you all for a nice welcome.

Yes... .its unsettling... .I felt soo close to mine and felt so lucky... and then she turned into the destroyer of all things connected to love.  It was very difficult repeatedly getting this abusive behavior from the person who for years I believed was the light of my life... .I mean... just go... .let me be... .I just do not get the hostility and the meaness that was dished... .I guess that is why it is called a personality disorder... .