Living in the same district your exBPD does

[Depression = 72% of members]

I have a problem… or maybe it isn’t one and I’m just making one. Bla.

Right now I’m living with my father. When I came back from my studies and finished them I moved back with him. I don’t wanna live here any longer. I used to grow up in that house, where all of my childhood abuse was happening (father a narcissist, mother depressed, tried to kill herself, you can imagine how it feels like). Anyway.

My exBPDgf is living in the same city (I think she still lives here, but I’m not sure). It’s big enough to not bump into each other. The population is 600000, so you get what I mean. The exBPDgf lives in a district I’ve always loved. I was born and grew up in that city and I always loved the particular district. Even before she moved to the city (she’s not from here). The good thing about this district ist hat it’s affordable while it’s still nice to live there. Lots of nature but it doesn’t take much time to get downtown. The only thing keeping me from moving there is my exBPDgf. It’s not so much that I’m afraid of her or that she’s triggering me or that I might see her around (of course I wouldn’t move right next to her, I believe there are greater things than becoming her neighbour… and the area is still big enough to not bump into her). It’s more about what she might think about it. I shouldn’t care, I know. But I don’t want to be accused of stalking her or whatever. You know how people with BPD might feel about such things. I guess I’m just afraid she might go tot he police or whatever – which would be a stupid thing to do. Anyway. I don’t even know if she still lives here or not. She once told me that she’ll be removed to another post in another city but the last information I got was that this didn’t work out. So I don’t know and I actually don’t want to try to find that out.

On the one hand I don’t want to be accused of stalking her (which I’m not), on the other hand I think I do have a right to move wherever I want to because I want to stay in that city, she always told me she doesn’t so she’ll be moving sometime anyway. I shouldn’t do it at the mercy of her I guess.

But what do you think? I don’t think it would trigger me moving to the same area. And when I’m actually moving I’ll have passed some more months, two or three from now. I think I’ll be ready then. I gave up almost everything that I loved only because I was afraid of bumping into her and stuff. Only to avoid her. I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t give a ___ about that anymore. I mean, come on, if I would avoid that certain area I could never go to the zoo again, could never visit some museums, sport events, festivals, concerts etc. I would have to cut out one big part oft he city I was born and grew up in. Would this be worth it?

I know that here are some living in the same area as their ex so I’m asknd you, is this a problem for you? I’m especially asking the ones who are indifferent towards their ex now. Does it bother you o rare you fine with it?

[misty_red]

I have a problem… or maybe it isn’t one and I’m just making one. Bla.

Right now I’m living with my father. When I came back from my studies and finished them I moved back with him. I don’t wanna live here any longer. I used to grow up in that house, where all of my childhood abuse was happening (father a narcissist, mother depressed, tried to kill herself, you can imagine how it feels like). Anyway.

My exBPDgf is living in the same city (I think she still lives here, but I’m not sure). It’s big enough to not bump into each other. The population is 600000, so you get what I mean. The exBPDgf lives in a district I’ve always loved. I was born and grew up in that city and I always loved the particular district. Even before she moved to the city (she’s not from here). The good thing about this district ist hat it’s affordable while it’s still nice to live there. Lots of nature but it doesn’t take much time to get downtown. The only thing keeping me from moving there is my exBPDgf. It’s not so much that I’m afraid of her or that she’s triggering me or that I might see her around (of course I wouldn’t move right next to her, I believe there are greater things than becoming her neighbour… and the area is still big enough to not bump into her). It’s more about what she might think about it. I shouldn’t care, I know. But I don’t want to be accused of stalking her or whatever. You know how people with BPD might feel about such things. I guess I’m just afraid she might go tot he police or whatever – which would be a stupid thing to do. Anyway. I don’t even know if she still lives here or not. She once told me that she’ll be removed to another post in another city but the last information I got was that this didn’t work out. So I don’t know and I actually don’t want to try to find that out.

On the one hand I don’t want to be accused of stalking her (which I’m not), on the other hand I think I do have a right to move wherever I want to because I want to stay in that city, she always told me she doesn’t so she’ll be moving sometime anyway. I shouldn’t do it at the mercy of her I guess.

But what do you think? I don’t think it would trigger me moving to the same area. And when I’m actually moving I’ll have passed some more months, two or three from now. I think I’ll be ready then. I gave up almost everything that I loved only because I was afraid of bumping into her and stuff. Only to avoid her. I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t give a ___ about that anymore. I mean, come on, if I would avoid that certain area I could never go to the zoo again, could never visit some museums, sport events, festivals, concerts etc. I would have to cut out one big part oft he city I was born and grew up in. Would this be worth it?

I know that here are some living in the same area as their ex so I’m asknd you, is this a problem for you? I’m especially asking the ones who are indifferent towards their ex now. Does it bother you o rare you fine with it?

[Popcorn71]

I live within half a mile of my xBPDh.  I see him around maybe twice a week, usually just passing in the car.  I ignore him totally.  I actually think it bothers him more than me because he never looks happy.  On the couple of times I have said hello, he was very flustered and red faced.

I had the opportunity to live on the same street but that would have been too close.  I beleive he thought so too because he did something nasty to stop me moving home at the time.  He is obviously not as indifferent as he would like everyone to believe.

[Infared]

MistyRed, I did what you are contemplating... .except it was a very small town. I lived with my ex in another town and she ran off with new supply to "my" home town.  When I could not afford to live where I was on one income I moved back to my hometown as I was quite devastated and alone and did not know what to do, so I decided to go somewhere familiar that gave me comfort.  

I was absolutely NC with my ex... .and thought I could handle it... .but I had no idea how immature and abusive and just crazy that these two people were. They eventually moved away (I think!), but it was rough going always being on eggshells at all times. I am still trying to get used to the calm in their wake. If they had been more mature, like healthy adults can be after a "normal" break-up, it would have been manageable... .but that was not the case in my situation.

Your situation is quite different than mine... .but just be careful in your choices... .and work at doing what you feel is best for you.  Just make sure that you are not subconsciously having any other motives for you decisions, I guess.

[downwhim]

I am moving. Matter of fact today I am bark dusting. I have packed up many boxes and had a garage sale. Because of capitol gains I cannot move before June 6th so I am putting my house on the market April 16th and moving out of his backyard.

I have no desire to bump into him. I have no desire to live where I had so many memories with him. It is all way too much for me. I am moving back to the city where I raised my kids. It is familiar and I have friends there.

Part of my healing is going back home... .comfort ability