BPD mother and "no good" child

[Our abuse recovery guide]

My mom has BPD and I'm the "no good" child out of 4 older sisters... and my mom treats me how a mother shouldn't treat there teenage daughter and puts my self asteem down she calls me names , compares me to my other sisters and we'll pretty much makes me feel like ___ ... she tends to argue with me and when I tell her how I feel about how she treats me and pretty much how she yells at me the worst for no reason and she tends to deny it, I had and have  many suicidal thoughts even use to cut and she never noticed she plays the victim and enjoys it a little to much that it's kinda sick she is a cruel Person that likes to put others down and ... .let's just say she is absolutely crazy and I understand I shouldn't use that word but she has been to mental places and tends to manipulate people and switch up the story to make others seem like the villain she has done this to people I'm my family and  I'm not sure what to do because no matter what I do to try to make her see me as a good person I am , she still sees me as a problem and rebellious to her lies she won't  stop portraying me as a monster and I use to think it's because of me my mom loves me less and I see how happy and proud for the others and just ignores me. She talks to me as if I weren't her kid but some lady on the street if my mom isn't the center of attention all hell breaks loose and problems and conflicts start and she nos I'm the number one person that can't be manipulated into being on her side or believing her lies but  it hurts when everyone else is loved by  there mom and my mom just looks at me as a no good  and that's all she sees  :'(

[ilikesoup0_0]

My mom has BPD and I'm the "no good" child out of 4 older sisters... and my mom treats me how a mother shouldn't treat there teenage daughter and puts my self asteem down she calls me names , compares me to my other sisters and we'll pretty much makes me feel like ___ ... she tends to argue with me and when I tell her how I feel about how she treats me and pretty much how she yells at me the worst for no reason and she tends to deny it, I had and have  many suicidal thoughts even use to cut and she never noticed she plays the victim and enjoys it a little to much that it's kinda sick she is a cruel Person that likes to put others down and ... .let's just say she is absolutely crazy and I understand I shouldn't use that word but she has been to mental places and tends to manipulate people and switch up the story to make others seem like the villain she has done this to people I'm my family and  I'm not sure what to do because no matter what I do to try to make her see me as a good person I am , she still sees me as a problem and rebellious to her lies she won't  stop portraying me as a monster and I use to think it's because of me my mom loves me less and I see how happy and proud for the others and just ignores me. She talks to me as if I weren't her kid but some lady on the street if my mom isn't the center of attention all hell breaks loose and problems and conflicts start and she nos I'm the number one person that can't be manipulated into being on her side or believing her lies but  it hurts when everyone else is loved by  there mom and my mom just looks at me as a no good  and that's all she sees  :'(

[Harri]

Hi ilikesoup and welcome.  I am glad you posted as there are a lot of us here who have experienced similar things.  It does hurt incredibly to be the no good child especially when you can see your siblings being treated in ways that seem so much better than you. 

You can call your mother crazy here if you want and if it helps.  I will sometimes refer to mine as my fruit loop or bat ___ crazy... .it depends on what I am working on in terms of trying to heal myself.  Sometimes the anger and hurt get to be a bit too much and using those names for my mother helps.  I think at this point it is most important that you allow yourself to express your feelings and this is a great place to do that. 

I know it hurts but please do not keep trying to prove to her that you are not how she sees you to be.  There is something called projection that is a defense mechanism that people with BPD will use where they project all the bad things they feel and think about themselves onto others as they can not tolerate seeing those aspects of their Self.  It is an incredibly hurtful place to be when one is painted black or is the no good child but please realize that what she says about you is a reflection of how she feels about herself.  As such, you probably will not be able to get her to see you... .because she can't see *you*.  So when she is yelling at you, putting you down, treating you badly, keep telling yourself she is talking about herself.  I used to imagine a clear bubble around me and picture my mother's words bouncing off the bubble, never touching me, and going right back at her all the while saying to myself she can't see me and she is projecting her own issues onto me.  It takes some practice and hearing those words will still hurt, but not nearly as bad.  When you can, do a search on projection and also on being the scapegoat and you will find lots of threads where people talk about situations very similar to your own.  In the meantime though, try using the technique I outlined, but modify it a bit so it feels right for you.  It really will help.

It is awful when a mother does this to a child.  You do not deserve it.  It is very important that you realize there is nothing you have done to cause her to be this way with you.  It is all about her and as such you can allow yourself to be you and learn how to value yourself and stop beating your head against a wall trying to get her to see you differently.  I know that sounds harsh but it is not meant that way.  the fact is, you are in a very harsh environment, no getting around that right now, but what you can do is stop the pain at *your* end.  Beating your head against a wall *hurts*. 

I hope you come back and post more and read here.  there is tons of information and we can all support you as you sort things out.  I hope to hear more of your story.  How old are you?  How did you come to stop cutting?  Is there any way you can get to see a therapist?  Do you have supportive friends or someone in real life you can talk with? 

I look forward to seeing you here again.  I hope some of what I wrote helped at least a little bit.   

[clljhns]

Hi ilikesoup0_0 and welcome!

I want to join Harri in welcoming you to the BPD family.

I am very sorry to hear about how your mom is treating you. I know how painful it is to be called names by my mom and made to feel very insignificant. I want you to know that this is NOT true for you. I am sure that you are a bright, sensitive, and caring young lady. 

I have some of the same questions as Harri.

How old are you? Is there someone that you trust that you can talk with? Is there a counselor that you can talk to?

Wishing you all the best.