What did you tell your BPD about why you were leaving/why NC?

[Callingallangels]

I have been in relationship with her for 3 years.  I won't survive emotionally if I stay.  I moved to a women's shelter and have been NC for a week.  A lot of people here talk about just walking away.  I feel like I need to explain myself (want to?) and why I am not coming back, why NC going forward.  Wondering what others communicated about leaving.  Her abuse has been emotional control, financial control, and I think she would go on like this forever since I am so submissive/codependent.  She has "no idea" why I left, says I am abandoning our marriage... .  Since I started reading about BPD 2 years ago, I truly believe my only healthy choice for me is to be done and have NC but wish I could give her/me some closure?

[Loosestrife]

I have been in relationship with her for 3 years.  I won't survive emotionally if I stay.  I moved to a women's shelter and have been NC for a week.  A lot of people here talk about just walking away.  I feel like I need to explain myself (want to?) and why I am not coming back, why NC going forward.  Wondering what others communicated about leaving.  Her abuse has been emotional control, financial control, and I think she would go on like this forever since I am so submissive/codependent.  She has "no idea" why I left, says I am abandoning our marriage... .  Since I started reading about BPD 2 years ago, I truly believe my only healthy choice for me is to be done and have NC but wish I could give her/me some closure?

Hi callingallangels

Im sorry you are having a rough time. You able left which is a positive step. Well done  . In another thread someone suggested writing a letter/email saying how you have decided that the relationship is unhealthy for you and is no longer making you happy.

Hope this helps.

L

[apollotech]

Hi Calling,

I am sorry to hear that you are in a mess in your marriage. I completely understand your urgent need to get away from the emotional abuser that was causing your suffering. That was a strong and healthy move on your part. Take care of yourself, always.

I left my dysfunctional/unhealthy relationship with no closing reason. I told her (BPDexgf of eight months) early on in the relationship, when the real her started to show up,  that I'd stay in it as long as my hope for resolution held out, but, when the hope was gone that I would be gone as well. This was said in a very nonthreatening, nonultimatum way. It was said as a wakeup call. The emotional abuse continued unabated. My T was raising hell for me to get out; my friends that knew what was going on were all raising hell for me to leave. They saw the damage I was taking when I couldn't see it.

Clarity hit me like a lightening bolt one night. She called me while I was grocery shopping and immediately started to rage over the phone about a trivial matter (The rage wasn't directed at me.). At that moment I realized that there would never be peace with this woman. That was it; my decision was made. I had worked like a maniac to try to make the relationship work, all to no avail. We spoke a few more times after that night then I went strict NC. I stopped returning calls, texts, and emails. Like you, I felt guilt because of my abrupt disconnect, but my T fixed that: When abuse is occurring you don't need to give a reason for leaving.

I have not communicated with my BPDexgf since early February. She sends me a text about every 7-10 days blaming me for everything bad in the relationship, telling me about her wonderful new relationship with new Mr. Shiny, and then breaking up with me. In not ONE of those communications has she ever asked why I no longer speak to her, not once. My T says she knows why; therefore, she doesn't have to ask why. I think he's correct.