Maybe make the other 2 items less "threatening" or "scary" to him, and if the Counseling makes him balk, the other 2 things might seem easier to accomplish
Really good advice, Rapt Reader. Thank you.
As my discussion with my partner approaches (we agreed to talk this weekend), I find myself still struggling to find the right areas of focus (aside from counseling). Everything I want to address seems so potentially loaded and triggering, even though I think they are areas we both could benefit from considering.
Like intimacy. The first rageful outburst I experienced in this r/s was within the 1st year when I tried to address our waning intimacy and a desire for more affection. Intimacy is an issue that persists for both of us, and although I haven't raised it since that early conflict, he does raise it periodically. As with most issues we face, he is quick to project and shift the blame to me and so we are never able to truly work together.
Maybe I can keep it a little more lighthearted and also more concrete by asking for
to start each day with a kiss, or
to welcome each other home with a hug. Or something along those lines.
The other thing I'd like to consider is how disengaged we have become. The little time that we do spend together, his attention is usually on his smartphone or tablet … playing games? texting? connecting on social media? Probably all of the above. It drives me crazy and seems like a waste of time. I could be wrong about this, but I sense that he doesn't feel he gets enough validation from me, and, needing more, he turns to whoever he can reach virtually.
I suppose if it's validation he's seeking, then a "no electronics when spending time together" request might be too much for him. Maybe it should be something like
daily walks together, since walking will hopefully interfere for texting, etc.
Any other thoughts here would be greatly appreciated!