Looks like she's finally done it.

[Infern0]

I said many times in the past that I couldn't go NC unless she did it first and left me alone.

Well, finally it seems to have happened, just as everything seemed to be going well between us she vanished, won't respond to a text, won't answer a call, just gone. No explanation, nothing. I can't think of anything I did or said that could have caused this, just boom, gone. I'm one of "those" people now.

She's still communicating with others and posting plenty of pictures on instagram all happy so it's just me who's been discarded.

I knew I shouldn't have recycled but I talked myself into it, I figured one more try and that the rages, accusations, devaluations etc, nothing could surprise me so it wouldn't hurt so much, that she couldn't catch me off guard. How naive.

Ah well, onwards and upwards, I shan't reach out, with any luck she leaves me alone for good, or at least for a substantial amount of time so I don't fall off the wagon and get sucked back in.

Have a good night everyone.

[jhkbuzz]

I'm so sorry Infern0, that's hard.   Take care of YOURSELF first and foremost   

[Kasina]

I am so sorry inferno for what you are going through.

I can totally relate to you because this is what that's happened to me just a week back and I m going through the same.

This is how he pulled away from me and broken up,I was expecting it so he didn't caught me off guard but still hurts as hell being discarded like that.

2years if r/s and then this without any clue why...

Hang in there!❤

X

[Kasina]

One thing that's just the same that I asked him to block me cause I can't go NC with him.

I pleaded him but he didn't so eventually I blocked him and went NC the hurt was too much to take

[Infern0]

One thing that's just the same that I asked him to block me cause I can't go NC with him.

I pleaded him but he didn't so eventually I blocked him and went NC the hurt was too much to take

In my case I already built up enough strength during the RS that I can resist the urge to try and contact her.

I did try call just a couple of times just in case something was up or if she was just upset or something but then it dawned on me rather quickly that no, i'm being actively ignored.

I kind of felt like this would be the way she'd do things if she was to leave, because I know her too well and have built up my boundaries etc, she knows that she can't handle me face to face, her gaslighting and lies don't work anymore because I defend myself now, i wouldn't accept baseless accusations and take the blame for imaginary failings like last time, so this is the only way for her to do it, slinking away like a coward.

It frustrates me, but as I say I kind of knew it was coming, my gut instincts during the last week were not good, and I could feel the distancing but then she came back STRONG and then just poof, dissipated in a cloud of smoke.

I was quite depressed for a few hours when I figured out what she'd done, but quickly came to the conclusion to not reach out, she will have a couple of missed calls from me but that's all she's going to get, no messages, no asking why, no asking what's going on, nothing. No doubt she is expecting it, expecting me to be confused by her masterful blindside, that i would never have seen coming, to chase after her, to ask why she wont talk to me, she won't get it. Instead she will get nothing, and she will wonder why. Double cross me, it won't get you anywhere, it's you who will be confused as to why I don't even care. (I do care, of course I do but what's the point, what's the point in letting her know, what's the point in demeaning myself, what's the point in giving her anything more than I already have, when I already gave her everything and got nothing back)

This had to happen and I know its for the best, I have a few hard days ahead of me but i'll be ok, I got through this before, and back then I didn't know she was BPD so it hurt like hell, this time, it's no surprise.

[Hadlee]

Sorry ya'll going through this Infern0.

Strength to you.

Sincerely,

Busygall

[Kasina]

One thing that's just the same that I asked him to block me cause I can't go NC with him.

I pleaded him but he didn't so eventually I blocked him and went NC the hurt was too much to take

In my case I already built up enough strength during the RS that I can resist the urge to try and contact her.

I did try call just a couple of times just in case something was up or if she was just upset or something but then it dawned on me rather quickly that no, i'm being actively ignored.

I kind of felt like this would be the way she'd do things if she was to leave, because I know her too well and have built up my boundaries etc, she knows that she can't handle me face to face, her gaslighting and lies don't work anymore because I defend myself now, i wouldn't accept baseless accusations and take the blame for imaginary failings like last time, so this is the only way for her to do it, slinking away like a coward.

It frustrates me, but as I say I kind of knew it was coming, my gut instincts during the last week were not good, and I could feel the distancing but then she came back STRONG and then just poof, dissipated in a cloud of smoke.

I was quite depressed for a few hours when I figured out what she'd done, but quickly came to the conclusion to not reach out, she will have a couple of missed calls from me but that's all she's going to get, no messages, no asking why, no asking what's going on, nothing. No doubt she is expecting it, expecting me to be confused by her masterful blindside, that i would never have seen coming, to chase after her, to ask why she wont talk to me, she won't get it. Instead she will get nothing, and she will wonder why. Double cross me, it won't get you anywhere, it's you who will be confused as to why I don't even care. (I do care, of course I do but what's the point, what's the point in letting her know, what's the point in demeaning myself, what's the point in giving her anything more than I already have, when I already gave her everything and got nothing back)

This had to happen and I know its for the best, I have a few hard days ahead of me but i'll be ok, I got through this before, and back then I didn't know she was BPD so it hurt like hell, this time, it's no surprise.

Good for you inferno... !that you didn't try to chase her after what she did to you.it will definitely leave her dumbstruck and confused.

I was also in the same situation as yours.i had already guessed that my bf had reconciled his ex and is on the verge of breaking up with me and I had decided not to question him  this time and leave all of it to that.

But I couldn't do it,I wished I had but I couldn't instead I kept asking him not to sabotage over relationship yet again cause we were engaged and committed after 2 years of r/s.

I just needed to let it out or I thought I would expload.

After a whole day of torturing myself by texting and calling him I just stopped and then blocked him.

Irish like you I hadn't done that but I just needed to let it out,I did felt bad of letting him yet have the upper hand i this by hurting him but then I wonder what would be the different between him and me then?

I loved him and were in a committed r/s with him.so what if he is disorders and doesn't get it I m not the same as him... I hurt of course it's just this one time though...

I will learn and grow and eventually wil find someone better to be happy for the rest of my life but him... it's never gonna happen... he will get stick in those cycle repeatedly ... without feeling any remorse as he is Blocking the pain by a quick fix which will wont last and will leave him empty inside... .

So it might seem he won by hurting me but will in the long run it will be I who be the survivor

X

[Loosestrife]

Well done! What's the plan for when she tries to back in touch ? (she will eventually)

[Blimblam]

Yeah I think you needed that recycle and I think you went through the worst of it the other recycles and what not. 

Do you feel any closure with how it happened?

[Recooperating]

So sorry Infern0! That really really sucks.

I fell of the wagon too back in september and really needed that recycle to be done once and for all. Although it sucked when we broke up again, I am really glad I did recycle. It took away all the what ifs for me. I did everything I could and I just know now that a stable rs just isnt possible with my ex.

Give it time Infern0, try to stay away from her Instagram and FB, its torture... .

Hang in there, take care of you, you deserve soo much better!

[parisian]

Stay strong Infern0.

I hope that in some odd (?) way, at least you know what to expect now after this breakup, and it won't be so hard on you.

[Rifka]

I said many times in the past that I couldn't go NC unless she did it first and left me alone.

Well, finally it seems to have happened, just as everything seemed to be going well between us she vanished, won't respond to a text, won't answer a call, just gone. No explanation, nothing. I can't think of anything I did or said that could have caused this, just boom, gone. I'm one of "those" people now.

She's still communicating with others and posting plenty of pictures on instagram all happy so it's just me who's been discarded.

I knew I shouldn't have recycled but I talked myself into it, I figured one more try and that the rages, accusations, devaluations etc, nothing could surprise me so it wouldn't hurt so much, that she couldn't catch me off guard. How naive.

Ah well, onwards and upwards, I shan't reach out, with any luck she leaves me alone for good, or at least for a substantial amount of time so I don't fall off the wagon and get sucked back in.

Have a good night everyone.

 Inferno,

This stuff just sucks! You sound in a much better mental place than last year. Always here for you as is everybody else here. We feel you, care and probably understand way more than we would like to.

Rikfa

[downwhim]

Hi Inferno,

Well, I agree. You needed this last recycle to realize it is not going to get better. Right now I am slowly reading (like a drink of water) From Abandonment to Healing. I am in the rage section that talks about the inner and outer child and how we sabotage relationships, chose bad ones, and need to learn a new way of listening to our inner child but not acting out in a way that hurts us.

I like this book. It may not be for everyone but it explains much about our chemical make up and how our body reacts to all of the break ups, sadness, depression etc. It is just a suggestion that may help.

They don't change without recognizing their illness and seeking help. The chances of that for many borderlines is null. They are always right so the suggestion or even the help of a T is something they avoid.

Hang in there. Do something good for yourself today!  

[Infern0]

Yeah I think you needed that recycle and I think you went through the worst of it the other recycles and what not. 

Do you feel any closure with how it happened?

Yeah there is a sense of closure.

Last time I did a few things wrong,  this time I made no mistakes,  I did everything pretty much perfect with her and she still had to ruin it.

I know she just can't do it now.

[llor]

Hang in there mate. You can do it !

[Blimblam]

Yeah I think you needed that recycle and I think you went through the worst of it the other recycles and what not. 

Do you feel any closure with how it happened?

Yeah there is a sense of closure.

Last time I did a few things wrong,  this time I made no mistakes,  I did everything pretty much perfect with her and she still had to ruin it.

I know she just can't do it now.

Well just not sustainably.  For a while even still in some ways I was upset with myself it was the guilt of the cycle an pattern she was stuck in being too painful for me to continue with once I realized she was taking actions to run away from herself and not deal with her crap.  I felt ashamed for not being strong enough to whether her storms continually. 

[LimboFL]

Having just come out of a recycle, I wouldn't do it again. I was doing well until she reached out to me for something that I couldn't ignore her on. Love bomb, retreat, caught in huge lie. It was exactly like going back to a hard core drug, for a quick try again, and then having the drug supply dry up. Shorter withdrawal but just as hard core emotionally.

Now I am coming out of the FOG and realizing everything I put up with. If somehow, she could come out of some reprogramming the bad out facility, with a stamp saying " all good", I would easily go back to her because I still love her but as is, knowing that nothing can or will ever change, then for my own sanity and security, I won't ever let what happened last week, again. EVER! It's like when you finally are away from a drug and you just will not put yourself through that kind of pain again, for what will only amount to a short high.

I am sorry your hurting, I hope you feel better soon. It really stinks. Drugs don't live and breathe, they don't hurt and have pain, so it's different because you care and love your ex.

Stay strong!

[HappyNihilist]

Oh, Infern0, I'm so sorry.  I hate that you're going through this.

I agree, though, I think you needed that recycle. Now you have your answers.

You sound like you're in a good headspace with it. I know it hurts, but you're absolutely right - you'll get through it. Now you can focus on You. 

[Compassion14]

You've got it nailed with this... .

"what's the point in letting her know, what's the point in demeaning myself, what's the point in giving her anything more than I already have, when I already gave her everything and got nothing back."

Spot on. Keep reminding yourself of this during any possible weak points. You are, without doubt, infinity better off without her.

Here's to a calm new phase of your life.

C14x

[jhkbuzz]

Yeah I think you needed that recycle and I think you went through the worst of it the other recycles and what not. 

Do you feel any closure with how it happened?

Yeah there is a sense of closure.

Last time I did a few things wrong,  this time I made no mistakes,  I did everything pretty much perfect with her and she still had to ruin it.



I know she just can't do it now.

And maybe that's the answer and the closure that you needed to put it all to rest and move on.

[apollotech]

"Yeah there is a sense of closure.

Last time I did a few things wrong,  this time I made no mistakes,  I did everything pretty much perfect with her and she still had to ruin it.

I know she just can't do it now."

Infern0,

I am sorry to hear that you went through that. You had hope and you tried; there is nothing wrong with that. It's your life and you wanted to exhaust all possibilities for the relationship to work. I have been in your shoes my friend, and I completely understand and agree with your trying again. It was for you. I did the same thing with my BPDexgf and reached the same conclusion that you did, knowing that she can't do it. I am glad that you have found closure in that recognition. You now have at least the answer of "knowing." Take care of yourself.