Running on empty w/ BPD Wife

[Madbeacon]

A few weeks ago a female acquaintance on FB "liked" a family picture and my psychotic wife "aka" true detective, FBI agent, private investigator has pieced together some insane adulterous affair, all because a female that was not approved by mommy took half a second to give a thumbs up to what looked like a happy family. I've been dealing with this ___ for over 2 years now and I'm on ___in empty. She checks every box; exceptional care giver for the elderly that constantly goes above and beyond for 2 elderly gentlemen, sexually/physically and emotionally abused childhood, abandonment issues, blah, blah, blah. This year will mark our 17th wedding anniversary and best of all we have an unbelievable 10 y/o child together. My son is crazy about his mom and he's smart enough to know that mommy is suffering from some crazy ___. I read to book "Walking on eggshells" and I know better than to engage in ridiculous, outrageous conversations but like the subject line reads I'm on empty and I went off on her verbally, yelling screaming and cussing. Thank God my son is sleeping at his sisters house. Everyone (except her) knows that she's suffering and what she's putting me through. I dropped out of a dental hygienists degree program last fall but I'm starting it again this coming Fall and she can kiss my ass if she thinks I'm quitting again. A few weeks ago she beat the ___ out of me leaving me scarred up, she just started treatment but sometimes I can't help but lash back at her stupid ass, baseless accusations. 2 years of answering no to all of her fabrications has worn me the ___ out, I got nothing man but, I ain't going nowhere, I'm not leaving my house and I'm sure as hell not leaving my son. Last year I left for 1 week and my son couldn't sleep, didn't want to go to school and cried all night, now he's getting ALL "A's" in school and is an awesome human being. I just need to vent, nobody understands the hell that woman has turned this home into, lets of all her! Thanks for listening. 

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[vortex of confusion]

 

I came to the forums this evening because I was thinking about posting something similar about feeling like I am on empty and am ready to snap. If you haven't read all of the communication tools that are available on this site, that might be a good place to start. I have read them and have been working on implementing them. Tonight, the best I can do is come to the forums and vent and find other avenues because I am hopping mad tonight.

My husband is so lazy. We had a leak in our roof and water was leaking in our living room. He kept putting off checking on it. I asked him to help me get the ladder one night after I got off work. He put me off and wouldn't help. I finally called my dad for help because I was getting overwhelmed watching the water drip through the ceiling. I know enough to know that an unfixed leak can cause all kinds of damage. My dad had approached my husband about the roof a couple of weeks prior to when the leak developed. My husband pretty much yelled at my dad and was a jerk to him. My FOO may be screwed up but my parents came through and paid for me to get a new roof. My dad wouldn't pay for the clean up because we can do that ourselves. My husband hasn't touched anything and there are friggin' nails and roofing materials all over the yard. I have picked up a little bit hear and there but he hasn't lifted a finger.

He has been off work for the last two days. Yesterday morning, he took the cars in for oil changes. It took me several weeks to get him to do that. He didn't seem bothered that they were about 5000 miles overdue. After that, he took that as a pass to spend the rest of the day sleeping and playing his computer games. Here it is Friday night and he is sitting on his computer game and has been for the last 3 or 4 hours. I can't say anything at this point because I know myself well enough to know that I might say something ugly.

[Turkish]

Hello Madbeacon.

While it's great that your son loves his mom, it sounds like you're beaten down, figuratively and literally. The lessons (at the top of the board, or the right side bar) that vortex of confusion mentioned are a great start to add to your knowledge. My concern, however, is that you are safe. It sounds like your wife assaulted you. Is anyone else aware of this?

Turkish

[livednlearned]

Hi MadBeacon,

I wanted to join Vortex of Confusion and Turkish in welcoming you to the site. It sounds like emotions are running hot in the household, and you are on empty, feeling stressed and exhausted from the emotional volatility. This is a tough place to be in. What do you do to take care of yourself? It takes a lot of strength to be in these relationships, they can be very injuring to our emotional health. It's good that you are committed to staying in the dental hygiene program and are determined to stick with something that is important to you. Are there other things you can do on a day-to-day basis that fill your cup? You need it.

Turkish also raised a good point about the physical abuse. That must be scary for you, and for your son (does he witness it?) You are not alone in experiencing physical abuse as a man. It happens to men with BPD partners. Have you been beaten before by your wife?

[DreamGirl]

Hey madbeacon,

Just wanted to check in on you today to see how you're doing.

I know that we can get really worked up in these situations. Have you had any resolution to what's been going on recently?

We have lots of tools here to help in diffusing these situations that go down these frustrating paths.

Hope you're doing OK.



~DG

[formflier]

 

madbeacon,

I want to join the others in welcoming you. 

I'm looking forward to seeing future posts from you and following you in your journey to learn about people with BPD traits (pwBPD). 

This site will be able to give you tools to help diffuse difficult situations... .

Then... we will give you tools to start making your relationship (r/s) better.

Hang in there!

    Hugs from Form Flier

[hegrid]

I feel for you. I totally could have written your post myself and unfortunately my wife too is a great detective. This is like my third account here because she's identified the others and raged about them.

That's how I ended up here - googling some combination of what's wrong with my wife, rage, abuse, jealousy, paranoia, etc. Had never heard of BPD until then.

Hang in there. There are smart people here who have seen it all and give great advice.

[formflier]

 

How does your wife find the accounts?  What kind of security procedures do you use?

[IsItHerOrIsItMe]

How does your wife find the accounts?  What kind of security procedures do you use?

If she's on the site it probably not hard... .I think if my uBPDw was here and I relayed anything current she'd figure it out.  I submitted a question to Ask Amy and her first words upon reading it was "did you write this?"