Time to batton down the hatches-she's just been dumped

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Heyya all . Hope all is good with you all ,(keep searching for the strength,it is in you ,every single one of you)

I was going to do an update post about the last few months since i was replaced (it has been a long journey,and at one point it honestly looked like i was not going to make it,the depression hit me like a freight train)but with some of the experiences i have had this past few weeks (shall explain more in the update)I have begun a significent healing process and began to detach myself from her shadow (although it still lurks at times,gradually the light is beginning to return)

Last night i received news (a friend of mine,still a mutual friend of hers on the old social network,has been keeping me informed of anything that should be concerning with regards to her possibly disregulating and attempting to contact me) Although they did not keep me updated on her new relationship,they thought it was for the best that i know when things were potentially going bad for her as a way to keep myself safe (they know the full extent of what i went through) i was informed last night that my ex and her replacement have split (his decision apparantly,which knowing how much she hates rejection must be an absolute nightmare for her atm) With them breaking up just under two months since they first met. Tbh i cant help feeling a little happy about this ( deep down i knew it would happen,just not quite as quick as this. I know i shouldnt be happy to see someone unhappy,but after a month of her doing regular walkpasts of my workplace hand in hand with him and rubbing my face in it royally,i think you can forgive me for this one

This does however present a problem for me. As i have previously mentioned. Her now new ex boyfriend was from up country, as almost every man in my town gives her a wide berth now due to her reputation as a liar and for "being a nutter and a b*tch" (that has been one thing repeatedly said to me by a number of people ) I know this will lead to a period of depression for her,and tbh i have a horrible feeling that the little box in her head that she placed me in is about to be re-opened by her (tbh i was the only man that ever really put up with her cr*p longterm,not to mention her constantly telling me i was the only person who treated her right and that she didnt deserve me)

Now that i have reached 60 days NC (the longest ive ever gone)i know i need to continue with this,and to make sure i do not fall for her tricks and tears anymore. Wish me luck guys,i may very well need it

[Tom P]

Heyya all . Hope all is good with you all ,(keep searching for the strength,it is in you ,every single one of you)

I was going to do an update post about the last few months since i was replaced (it has been a long journey,and at one point it honestly looked like i was not going to make it,the depression hit me like a freight train)but with some of the experiences i have had this past few weeks (shall explain more in the update)I have begun a significent healing process and began to detach myself from her shadow (although it still lurks at times,gradually the light is beginning to return)

Last night i received news (a friend of mine,still a mutual friend of hers on the old social network,has been keeping me informed of anything that should be concerning with regards to her possibly disregulating and attempting to contact me) Although they did not keep me updated on her new relationship,they thought it was for the best that i know when things were potentially going bad for her as a way to keep myself safe (they know the full extent of what i went through) i was informed last night that my ex and her replacement have split (his decision apparantly,which knowing how much she hates rejection must be an absolute nightmare for her atm) With them breaking up just under two months since they first met. Tbh i cant help feeling a little happy about this ( deep down i knew it would happen,just not quite as quick as this. I know i shouldnt be happy to see someone unhappy,but after a month of her doing regular walkpasts of my workplace hand in hand with him and rubbing my face in it royally,i think you can forgive me for this one

This does however present a problem for me. As i have previously mentioned. Her now new ex boyfriend was from up country, as almost every man in my town gives her a wide berth now due to her reputation as a liar and for "being a nutter and a b*tch" (that has been one thing repeatedly said to me by a number of people ) I know this will lead to a period of depression for her,and tbh i have a horrible feeling that the little box in her head that she placed me in is about to be re-opened by her (tbh i was the only man that ever really put up with her cr*p longterm,not to mention her constantly telling me i was the only person who treated her right and that she didnt deserve me)

Now that i have reached 60 days NC (the longest ive ever gone)i know i need to continue with this,and to make sure i do not fall for her tricks and tears anymore. Wish me luck guys,i may very well need it

[Infern0]

Gee that is fast.

Be on your toes mate, you are about to be as attractive as a prime Brad Pitt in her eyes, she's coming for ya

[LimboFL]

Tom, your expression of quiet comfort, hearing this news, is completely acceptable. I like you have my hopes regarding the replacement and my exBPDgf of 4 years. Unfortunately (or fortunately),  I will never know, as we have no ties that bind us beyond the relationship.

It is critical for us to remember how much we gave, how every contribution we made was in an attempt to do the exact opposite of hurting them, to make them feel as secure, happy and loved as we could, even if times were not always perfect. There is some satisfaction to knowing that they might be feeling even a sliver of the pain we went through when discarded, that they had pretty good with us and that the grass is not always greener over there.

Indeed, if the story plays out in the way that so many others have, you have some preparing to do. There will probably be some satisfaction in that too.

There is some benefit in not knowing and that is that, if that attempt to connect and recycle doesn't come, as expected, than I can't get hurt by that. Within most of us, there is a quiet hope that they will prove that we meant something to them. As everyone says here, look to history to foretell the future, but just please prepare yourself for the possibility she won't reach out to you, pride, ego etc. Her not communicating, when you expect her to, could end up hurting you as much or more.

[JPH]

That's the worst-case scenario for us Nons. I always dreaded when my ex's new victims figured her out and ran for the hills. Guaranteed unwanted drama and anxiety in my life. And when she was single and it was on a big holiday? Y-I-K-E-S. Stay strong.

[CloseToFreedom]

I absolutely would not beat myself up about the fact that i would feel good if my replacement broke up with my ex. Of course it feels good, its one hell of a validation! If I were you  would revel in it, truly enjoy it. So do just that.

And yes, I would be wary about any possible recycle attempts. But also try not to think about it too much, so that you aren't 'dissapointed' when they don't happen. I'm not saying you want to recycle, but her reaching out to you is also a tremendous validation, and counting on it can mean you get dissapointed in the end.

Just try to live your live without her on your mind. It's hard, I know.

[raisins3142]

A little schadenfreude in small amounts is fine.  And that is validating.

Being a super mature enlightened person 24/7 actually becomes a "schtick" at times. 

If some that killed my dog on purpose got both his legs broken, then I would openly taunt him a bit.

[Tom P]

Thank you for the support guys javascript:void(0);

I guess it is fairly normal for me to feel some form of justice has been done with her being dumped. Still i couldnt help feel a little guilty for feeling that way (remnants of FOG maybe ?)

I am prepared for both outcomes ,although i know her attempting to re-connect is a high possibilty (and one in a  way i both dread and hope for )I know her guilt (or shame to be more precise)will play heavily upon her,and could very well mean she stays well clear to avoid having to confront her own demons .This has happened before. When the recent re-engagement happened past september,after several weeks of her smear campaign,when she contacted me she denied having said anything bad,and burst into tears when i confronted her on it (the people who told me had no reason to lie,but she insisted she had told no-one her claims javascript:void(0);

Yesterday though i did experience a somewhat ominious sign of what may be coming my way . I was working at job number 1 (shop)and stepped outside for a cigarette break (yep,still havent quit ) As i glanced around the street i noticed her at the pub nearby again. (shes still drinking heavily,despite being nearly through a year of DBT. She had claimed to me her therapist had said she didnt have a drink problem and that she should continue with her alcohol intake , after speaking to a few friends (two who work in the mental health system,and one who had succesfully completed DBT,i was told that this would not have been the case,and it was more likely she had been lying to her therapist about her alcohol intake,which my ex had hinted at  javascript:void(0);

I noticed as i glanced across she was stood looking straight at me,literally straight at me,her whole body was turned towards me despite the fact she was in conversation with a friend. When people say the phrase "i could feel there eyes burning into me"i always looked at it as a bad metaphor.But i could literally feel her staring. Ive never been more creeped out in my life. (this is where the worrying part crops up,because for the past month she has avoided looking at me,now comes the horrid realisation,i exist again in her world. And i need to keep my wits about me