Did yours initiate a smear/distortion campaign against you?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

she said i was emotionally abusive, i was controlling, I never loved her

That's projection - she was emotionally abusive, controlling, and doesn't know how to love.

[jhkbuzz]

she said i was emotionally abusive, i was controlling, I never loved her

That's projection - she was emotionally abusive, controlling, and doesn't know how to love.

[Reecer1588]

she said i was emotionally abusive, i was controlling, I never loved her

That's projection - she was emotionally abusive, controlling, and doesn't know how to love.

Yeah I was specifically called all of those things and I believe it was projection as well.

[JPH]

My ex-BPD girlfriend told everyone who would listen, including my parents, that I was abusive and she was afraid of me. Projection. I distinctly recall being physically choked outside of a wedding reception for daring to walk out after being humiliated by her at a table full of strangers. I also recall her, after one of the many times I tried breaking up with her, buying a sundress and perfume (the same style of dress and the same perfume my college ex wore - which the borderline could've only learned from getting her hands on and reading my private journal); breaking into my office building on a Sunday while I was working; and "surprising" me. Nothing the slightest bit scary or freaky about that. I asked my college girlfriend (who is still a good friend) if she ever considered my behavior to be abusive or physically threatening and if she was ever afraid of me. She laughed.

[apollotech]

JRT,

One of the devices emoyed against me in my BPDexh's smear campaign against me was the classic Karpman Triangle, with her own special twist. I (unnamed on FB. see my prior post), of course, was cast as the Persecutor. She, as always, was/is the helpless, innocent, eternal Victim. Then she brought in the big gun, God is cast as Rescuer/Enabler. God stepped in with all of His Grace, Love, and Compassion for a member of His flock to thwart the evil one, to save her. His Authority and Righteousness were pitted fully against the wicked me. Now, she didn't come out and say that directly, but by merely bringing God in as Rescuer/Enabler it is implied by default. Also implied by default, I am not/cannot be a member of His flock; in contrast, she is a member of His flock since He has intervened on her behalf. Her/her actions also must be Righteous by default; therefore, she is guilt free, unblemished. When selfishly and shamefully weaponized properly, God brings it.

I have several times seen her run this triangle on FB against others. Her blurbs, headings, have been: God opening a door and allowing her to escape, God doesn't want someone in her life, so she shouldn't either, God revealed to her someone's true self, etc. It is a complete assization of God and the very basics of Christian teaching.

[Beach_Babe]

He told people I owed him 6000 for an accident with a rental car we  had full coverage insurance on 8 years ago.

[Heldfast]

I heard from a mutual friend that the following applied:

I was controlling, manipulative, did not listen to her, did not support her, only wanted a trophy wife, that she saw my true colors (when I was enraged as I found out she was cheating on me as she was already leaving me), that I made things too easy for her, that we did not just hold each other enough... .I was too pushy for sex (the sex she'd begun to withhold), that I was too big in the community and enmeshing her. Truthfully, I was too much of a pushover. I shudder at the man I would have been if she'd stuck around longer, I wasn't aware of what she was, or what she was doing to me. I don't think I would have left her.

[rjones91]

I can only imagine what mine told folks or still telling folks. Its been almost 4 months since the breakup and no real contact, but she is still devaluing me on social media and even had the balls to tag me in a comment on a mutual friends Instagram post. I just shake my head as I know its for attention or a reaction, but she will not get any from me. I have been painted blacker than black so I don't even want to think about what she could be lying on me about. But she loves to say I play victim.

[billypilgrim]

I honestly don't know if mine has or not.  I never much cared for her group of friends and the majority of our friends were my friends that I continue to remain in contact with.  Most of them ended things with her as she made things pretty awkward for a number of them.  But to her family or her friends?  No clue.  I hope I'm blacker than tar and that I never have to worry about it again. 

The one thing that she did say to me as she was leaving is that "she will never say anything bad about me."  This struck me as very weird, as if this was supposed to be comforting to me?  Or that her natural instinct is to bad mouth and trash talk her ex's?  She certainly trashed all of her ex's to me so I'm just going to assume she does the same with the guy she is with now, an ex, not surprisingly.  I don't think her pattern of behavior is just going to change on account of me.

I don't know, that line just struck me as very odd.  I just remember asking myself, why does that need to be said?  And what am I supposed to say back?  Gee, thanks! Awful nice of you!