BPD son

[pom12]

Hello,

I have a son who is 27.  he has been going to the therapists and psychiatrists since he was 13.  Many diagnoses later, I think finally we have a real diagnosis:  borderline.  Although I am still careful threading this new path, I am becoming convinced that he has BPD.  I have been in turmoil for many many years. Had to quit my job in 2008 to take care of him.  He is now showing all the signs of BPD.  And i am the main person he loves the most and verbally attacks the most. I am walking on the eggshells constantly.   I am in a very low mode.  I know I need to take care of myself.  But, it is hard. I had 3 bronchitis in the last three months, a brain concussion for a stupid head injury, and many other health issues.  I hope I can learn from you, the ones who took the path before I did.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hello pom12,   

Welcome to the site and the Parent's Board.  We are very glad to have you here with us!

I'm sorry to hear that your son suffers from so many traits of BPD. Dealing with the behaviors that manifest from the disorder can be so very taxing on us in many ways. I understand how your health can be suffering.  I myself began to develop an anxiety disorder from dealing with my daughter when she was at her worst (and so was I).

It is hard to take care of ourselves when we are so worried and overwhelmed with our children's needs.  And it is also essential that we do.  Determining what our foremost need is can give us a place to begin to focus self care.

What behaviors from your son are the most troublesome for you at this time? Is he in therapy?

Our Lessons and Tools are invaluable for learning self care, improving our relationships with our children and helping our children.  We all learn together and support each other!

I look forward to your reply and getting to know you better.

lbjnltx

[livednlearned]

Hi pom12,

I wanted to join lbjnltx in welcoming you to the site, and to let you know that this is a wonderful place for understanding, compassion and education. It can feel both overwhelming and like a relief to discover that the behaviors have a name, and that there are others who understand what you're going through, and skills/tools to help you and your son.

Did your son's psychiatrist diagnosis him with anxiety and depression?

You are so right -- it is hard to take care of ourselves, and you have been through a lot with your own health. Do you have anyone nearby who provides you with support?

Please tell us more when you're comfortable doing so, and let us know how things are going for you.

LnL

[Kate4queen]

Welcome.

I have a 23 year old son with BPD. I used to be the person who defended my son and it was my husband and eldest son who were subjected to most of the rages and verbal and physical attacks. But a couple of years ago he did certain things that made me create some boundaries and then I, too became an evil monster parent.

Please take care of yourself, get some therapy if you can and some support. You shouldn't have to bear this burden alone.

[tristesse]

Hello Pom12

I am so glad you found this site. I just wanted to let you know that bpdfamily has been so critical in my journey, I came to this site about a year ago, I was feeling helpless and absolutely defeated. I was tired both physically and emotionally and did not know where else to turn. The wonderful members of the parents board helped to survive, they led to the lessons and tools on the rights side of the board, and I dove in with both feet. I studied and researched and read and learned new techniques, and they worked. My Daughter is a long suffering BPD with many other mental and physical issues, and I am a natural fixer, so I was unable function normally on a day to day basis because my daughter was not getting better, no matter what I tried. I learned to work on me, I learned to do things differently, and I learned to not react to her rages.

Please take the time to learn how to use the tools, read the lessons, and then practice using these skills. practice them in your interactions with everybody, not just your son. The more you use these tools, the better you will become at using them. They are not a magic fix, there will likely still be issues, even when you do everything correctly, but they will make a huge difference in your life.

I encourage you to continue sharing your story with us, continue to ask for help and advice, and learn what you can from these wonderful people.

Good luck to you new friend.