They who hate others really hate themselves

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

There is so much I wish I could say to my ex girlfriend now.

One of the many things I am coming to accept as a part of my transformation is "They who hate others really hate themselves", and while I believe this isn't dogma, it certainly works for me. I believe in it. If you hate others, treat others with contempt, that is exactly how you feel about yourself.

And the truth is, I believe this is the case with my ex. She has shown me so much hate since she painted me black, I believe that's the same way she deep down feels about herself.

This is not the kind of person I want to be. I want to like,love, be kind to others, because that's how I want to treat myself.

That's all

Thanks for having this place to let my thoughts be written down


Reece

[Reecer1588]

There is so much I wish I could say to my ex girlfriend now.

One of the many things I am coming to accept as a part of my transformation is "They who hate others really hate themselves", and while I believe this isn't dogma, it certainly works for me. I believe in it. If you hate others, treat others with contempt, that is exactly how you feel about yourself.

And the truth is, I believe this is the case with my ex. She has shown me so much hate since she painted me black, I believe that's the same way she deep down feels about herself.

This is not the kind of person I want to be. I want to like,love, be kind to others, because that's how I want to treat myself.

That's all

Thanks for having this place to let my thoughts be written down


Reece

[Mike-X]

 

[Blimblam]

 

And in some very related way I found/find that attractive.

[rj47]

This is not the kind of person I want to be. I want to like,love, be kind to others, because that's how I want to treat myself.

I found that my need to love her, be kind, cope, be a better man and try "manage" her emotional states gradually sucked the life out of me and drove me into near constant despair. Frankly, it covered deeper issues between us that only began to surface when I stopped caring. When the FOG began to lift the accumulated resentment and anger from my decades of failure began to boil over and find its outlet in pushing back with near equal anger and emotionally shutting her out. I realized that I have no one to blame but myself; she was simply acting out pre-scripted behaviors that she had little control over. And, I encouraged and enabled it.

In the end, perhaps it was me that did harm to her with my enabling behavior. I'm trying to focus on the real source of anger... .my own stupidity; and find outlet in trying to treat others better than myself.

[Mike-X]

This is not the kind of person I want to be. I want to like,love, be kind to others, because that's how I want to treat myself.

I found that my need to love her, be kind, cope, be a better man and try "manage" her emotional states gradually sucked the life out of me and drove me into near constant despair. Frankly, it covered deeper issues between us that only began to surface when I stopped caring. When the FOG began to lift the accumulated resentment and anger from my decades of failure began to boil over and find its outlet in pushing back with near equal anger and emotionally shutting her out. I realized that I have no one to blame but myself; she was simply acting out pre-scripted behaviors that she had little control over. And, I encouraged and enabled it.

In the end, perhaps it was me that did harm to her with my enabling behavior. I'm trying to focus on the real source of anger... .my own stupidity; and find outlet in trying to treat others better than myself.

Don't beat yourself up to badly. I doubt that you were given a handbook for dealing with people with BPD. You learned; you are here; and you are trying to make a difference.

[jhkbuzz]

There is so much I wish I could say to my ex girlfriend now.

One of the many things I am coming to accept as a part of my transformation is "They who hate others really hate themselves", and while I believe this isn't dogma, it certainly works for me. I believe in it. If you hate others, treat others with contempt, that is exactly how you feel about yourself.

And the truth is, I believe this is the case with my ex. She has shown me so much hate since she painted me black, I believe that's the same way she deep down feels about herself.

This is not the kind of person I want to be. I want to like,love, be kind to others, because that's how I want to treat myself.

That's all

Thanks for having this place to let my thoughts be written down


Reece

I think that is true about her self hatred; they project the loathing they feel for themselves onto others.

And thinking about the kind of human being you want to be - good, loving and kind - despite the way you've been treated - is a wonderful step in the right direction.