i just can't take it anymore

[Depression = 72% of members]

My sister has BPD.  We are both in our 60s.  I have read books and sought counseling to fully understand BPD - why someone has it, therapy methods to treat it, how to best interact with her... . I can tell you I love her deeply.  I can understand how terribly painful her life has been and continues to be.  But here's the thing - for my own health and well being, I must distance myself from her.  She has refused treatment - dropping out so many times - blaming her therapist.  My heart breaks but the time has come for me to reduce our relationship to only occasional contact.  I simply cannot manage the ups and downs anymore.  I feel guilty.  I feel so sad I can hardly stand it.  Not sure why I'm writing - maybe I just need a shoulder.

[happyseeker]

My sister has BPD.  We are both in our 60s.  I have read books and sought counseling to fully understand BPD - why someone has it, therapy methods to treat it, how to best interact with her... . I can tell you I love her deeply.  I can understand how terribly painful her life has been and continues to be.  But here's the thing - for my own health and well being, I must distance myself from her.  She has refused treatment - dropping out so many times - blaming her therapist.  My heart breaks but the time has come for me to reduce our relationship to only occasional contact.  I simply cannot manage the ups and downs anymore.  I feel guilty.  I feel so sad I can hardly stand it.  Not sure why I'm writing - maybe I just need a shoulder.

[Turkish]

Hello happyseeker,

I'm sorry that your heart is breaking over your relationship with your sister. That she keeps dropping out of treatment is sad, but sadly, that is her choice.

You sound like you've educated yourself well on BPD. If it helps, the Lessons and the Suggested Reading at the top of the board have info which may help additionally.

What is your relationship like now, are you close by? Is there any other family involved?

Turkish

[Panda39]

Hi happyseeker 

I want to join Turkish in welcoming you to the BPD Family.  I'm really glad you've found us. I'm sorry you are struggling with lowering contact with your sister I know it isn't an easy decision to make and isn't easy to do.

I come a BPD from a different angle.  My SO has an uBPDxw and his 2 daughters have gone low contact with their mother over the last 3 months and are struggling with the guilt as well.  But sometimes we need to put our health and ourselves first having someone with BPD in your life can be exhausting and sometimes even damaging.

I'm glad you posted and I want you to know you've come to a great place for support... .we have broad shoulders    You do what you need to do for you and remember you can always change your mind or try other things nothing is set in stone.

I'm glad you've added your voice into the mix and look forward to hearing more from you I bet you have a lot of good insight you could share with the group.

Take care and don't be too hard on yourself.

Panda39