Very quick fuse

[believer55]

I have been doing really well and uBPDh has been working hard on controlling his dysregulating that was ocuring weekly. After 2 years of this frequency the change has been a welcome break. I can still see when he is struggling but there is no more verbal abuse and yelling in front of the children. He is getting better at talking to me about what he is feeling. What I have found though is my fuse has gotten so short that if when he has slipped I have gotten so deflated and even angry really quickly.

I can see how hard he has been working and I appreciate it so much - maybe its because I know if he wants to he can control things that when he slips up I feel angry. I need to be more patient - but where do I find the energy?

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[Mike-X]

I have been doing really well and uBPDh has been working hard on controlling his dysregulating that was ocuring weekly. After 2 years of this frequency the change has been a welcome break. I can still see when he is struggling but there is no more verbal abuse and yelling in front of the children. He is getting better at talking to me about what he is feeling. What I have found though is my fuse has gotten so short that if when he has slipped I have gotten so deflated and even angry really quickly.

I can see how hard he has been working and I appreciate it so much - maybe its because I know if he wants to he can control things that when he slips up I feel angry. I need to be more patient - but where do I find the energy?

First, congratulations! This sounds like some real progress. what brought about the changes?

Have you thought about and practiced how you would like to respond when he slips up? Can you provide examples of slip ups?

[waverider]

You need to disengage earlier for your sake. when we first deal with this we expend so much energy on trying to support and fix them. As a result we feel the reward is not as great as the effort leading to rescuers frustration.

Even now i get very frustrated at times, but i have learned to pull away and not project it (making things worse) and it fades pretty quick. Don't think you can eliminate the trigger on the consequences of tripping it.

[formflier]

 uBPDh has been working hard on controlling his dysregulating that was ocuring weekly.

Tell us more about what he has been doing to work hard on this?

there is no more verbal abuse and yelling in front of the children.

What was the key to getting to this point?

I can see how hard he has been working and I appreciate it so much

How do you go about showing him that you appreciate his efforts.

if he wants to he can control things  

I'm very interested in hearing more about this... .what exactly does this mean?

Believer 55,

Sounds like some great progress has been made... .looking forward to reading your answers to the questions I've posted.

I'll also share with you... .that back in the day... .I had a really long fuse.  At the height of BPD symptoms affecting my r/s... .I basically didn't have a fuse (I was really reactive... .)  Getting my long fuse back is still a work in progress... .but it's worth it.


FF