VIDEO | Parental alienation syndrom - Craig Childress PsyD

[justaboutdone]

Has anyone seen this video on attachment based parental alienation? It is long but I think it is incredible that he gets it so right.


Filmed at the California Southern University School of Behavioral Sciences. Please visit: www.calsouthern.edu/psychology

Presenter: Craig Childress PsyD

Description: This lecture will describe an attachment-based model for understanding the psychological and family processes surrounding what has traditionally been referred to as “parental alienation” in high-conflict divorce. The presentation will cover the family systems origins, the contributing personality disorder factors, and the attachment-system foundations that lead to parental alienation following divorce. A set of three diagnostic indicators in the child’s symptom display will be identified that can reliably identify the presence or absence of parental alienation as the cause of the child’s rejection of a relationship with a parent.

[Sunfl0wer]

Wow, that was helpful in so many ways! R\eally makes things clear.  Thank you for sharing!

[livednlearned]

This is really good! Thanks justaboutdone -- a really good resource.

I've only skipped through it and have already learned a lot. It basically ties together personality disordered individuals with parental alienation, all based on attachment style theory. Whereas parental alienation syndrome does not have a theoretical framework, and therefore there is no known way to treat it (paraphrasing Childress in the video), when the behaviors of parental alienation are linked to attachment theory, there is a theoretical framework. Which means there is a known way to respond, both in terms of treatment and in terms of family law.

I think it's interesting that Dr. Childress says, "The narcissistic (borderline) parent is characterologically unable to experience and produce sadness and grief surrounding loss." And that the "underlying narcissistic structure in one of the parents" is responsible for parental alienation.  And because the narcissistic parent cannot experience sadness and grief (except as revengeful thinking), the parent views the child's experience of sadness and grief as unacceptable. When the child only hears what the disordered parent tells them (your mom/dad is the bad person), that is all they have to go on.

[Sunfl0wer]

Well said!  I have often wondered, "How?" 

How come my SD14 couldn't see what was obvious to the rest of us?

She is smart enough, how can she get brainwashed in this way?

I think we all wonder that to some extent.  If that's you too, definitely watch!

Part of the problem, is the child learns to feel conflicted in the company of non alienating parent. 

She wants to reach out and bond to the "non" parent, however, is fearful of being rejected by alienating parent, therefore withholds.  This inner conflict continues to occur during encounters with "non" parent, as it feels painful to the child and is only happening when with "non" parent.  Therefore child, with the help of NPD parent, learns to pair the feeling of pain with the "non" parent. 

Child feels relief of this conflict when returning to NPD parent.  NPD parent teaches child that her feelings of relief with her/him are a result of NPD parent being the only safe and good parent.  Then NPD parent teaches child that her feelings of distress in the presence of "non" parent are because that parent is not safe/all bad. 

While the child has a drive to bond with both parents, the child rejects the "non" parent to minimize pain and survive, thereby successfully maintaining a bond with one parent. So even though the child will appear to reject the "non" parent, this is because of her innate drive to bond with that parent, however, it was twisted on her by BPD parent.

The solution he proposed, if I remember well enough, was educating the child that it would be ok and feel good to bond to the "non" parent.  So that she can be aware of this drive again, instead of suppressing it.

[whirlpoollife]

Thank you justaboutdone , and sunflower and lnl on further explanations!

[Eco]

fantastic link, thanks it was extremely helpful and validating to me.

He explained it perfectly and its what I have been thinking how alienation works so I feel that im not being to cautious about my own circumstance with my daughter. he described my ex word for word about her view of herself as a protective parent and the us against him view.

[Swiggle]

I am watching this video as I type and one thing that stands out so far. At about 40 min in he talks about how "my mother" "my father" are not interchangeable that for a child who starts calling a step mom/dad by the title mom/dad that it is a sign of PAS. What about the kids who develop a healthy bond with that person since their bio parent is so messed up. I know many many step kids who call their step parent mom/dad becaseu they love them in that way. Maybe he will explain that in a bit but I found that unsettling since I don't thing that will always suggest PAS.

[livednlearned]

I am watching this video as I type and one thing that stands out so far. At about 40 min in he talks about how "my mother" "my father" are not interchangeable that for a child who starts calling a step mom/dad by the title mom/dad that it is a sign of PAS. What about the kids who develop a healthy bond with that person since their bio parent is so messed up. I know many many step kids who call their step parent mom/dad becaseu they love them in that way. Maybe he will explain that in a bit but I found that unsettling since I don't thing that will always suggest PAS.

I think he mentions it is not just calling the step parent mom or dad that raises the PA flag. It's the additional step of calling the bio parent by their first name. A child might see two father figures as "dad," but they aren't likely to see the bio parent as "Chuck" unless there is coaching of some kind.

[Swiggle]

I am watching this video as I type and one thing that stands out so far. At about 40 min in he talks about how "my mother" "my father" are not interchangeable that for a child who starts calling a step mom/dad by the title mom/dad that it is a sign of PAS. What about the kids who develop a healthy bond with that person since their bio parent is so messed up. I know many many step kids who call their step parent mom/dad becaseu they love them in that way. Maybe he will explain that in a bit but I found that unsettling since I don't thing that will always suggest PAS.

That makes sense. I went back and listened to that part again and see that I missed that connection initially. I think it was a good video. Def makes me sad stirs up a lot of stuff for me. Guess there is more work to be done.

[justaboutdone]

I cannot help but repeatedly watching this video.  There is just an incredible amount of information in this video. I recently separated from BPD wife 3 months ago and this is exactly what is happening to me right now.  So at the end of the video he suggests to remove the BPD spouse away from the child.  But at what point is he suggesting that happen?   As soon as there are signs of it occurring?  And who is gonna make that recommendation and how? 

[Sunfl0wer]

I cannot help but repeatedly watching this video.  There is just an incredible amount of information in this video. I recently separated from BPD wife 3 months ago and this is exactly what is happening to me right now.  So at the end of the video he suggests to remove the BPD spouse away from the child.  But at what point is he suggesting that happen?   As soon as there are signs of it occurring?  And who is gonna make that recommendation and how? 

I do not have this video fresh in my mind right now, however, I have since watched all his other YouTube videos.  I too, just couldn't help myself.  It just was so validating about a craziness that was driving me crazy, and my head was starved to organize and make sense of this stuff.

Anyway... .

After watching all of the video series on YouTube of this guy... .

He has one one diagnosing the kid.  And the teen kid who is provoking the alienated parent gets diagnosed ODD, and is in fact perpetrating a domestic violence on the alienated parent.

(I can't believe I was living this... . and someone understands what I "knew" but didn't quite have well organized in my head to explain without sounding nuts!)

So, in this video series, he explains that the treatment goal is not to severe contact with alienating parent, as this will bring forth child's full ODD to bloom and would be difficult. That the presence of the alienating parent is keeping the kid "controlled" in a way.  I forget how he puts it, but that because the child is trained to be good for "good parent" that severing this bond is also not good.

His treatment is to allow the child his/her desire to bond with both parents to be fulfilled.

He cleverly devises a false behavior plan to reward the child for behaving with dad by having more time with mom.  This allows child to behave with dad and not reject mom.  (Oops... . if mom was the alienator)

[livednlearned]

Thanks Sunfl0wer. I had a  moment reading that -- about how the alienated child perpetuates the abuse. This explains why kids who are traumatized watching their parent being physically and emotionally abused would grow up to do the same thing to their parent, and then toward future partners.

He cleverly devises a false behavior plan to reward the child for behaving with dad by having more time with mom.  This allows child to behave with dad and not reject mom.  (Oops... . if mom was the alienator)

I don't think I understand. So if you have an alienated child, and as part of a behavioral plan, you tell them they can see their alienating parent (BPD), but only if they can behave properly when they are with you, the alienated parent?

[Sunfl0wer]

Thanks Sunfl0wer. I had a  moment reading that -- about how the alienated child perpetuates the abuse. This explains why kids who are traumatized watching their parent being physically and emotionally abused would grow up to do the same thing to their parent, and then toward future partners.

He cleverly devises a false behavior plan to reward the child for behaving with dad by having more time with mom.  This allows child to behave with dad and not reject mom.  (Oops... . if mom was the alienator)

I don't think I understand. So if you have an alienated child, and as part of a behavioral plan, you tell them they can see their alienating parent (BPD), but only if they can behave properly when they are with you, the alienated parent?

That is an interesting connection.

I never understood why as a child, my older sister would assist my mom at finding me to offer me up for her abuse.

Whereas, when she was abused, I instead, crumbled and grieved for her and felt abused and pained in my witness of it, wishing more than anything for her to be rescued somehow.  I would lie and divert mom to protect my sister... . anything to throw her off course.

Now I can make this connection and see it as an attempt of my sister to bond with mom.  I can now see that as a child, driven to bond with an adult, my sister did not really have another alternative in a sense.

Interestingly enough... .   My sister has BPD and carried out this similar pattern with her kids.

I can also see how this early rescue protect style that I had, that played out with my mom and sister, has got me here.

I want to explain the "behavior modification" treatment he proposes, but after typing it... . it became confusing.

I will come back to post the video for that segment as it is only 5-10min and easier explained.

[ForeverDad]

Dr. Craig Childress has a novel (and evidently much better) approach to addressing PAS by considering Parental Alienation to be a type of abuse.  Since the professionals have dissed the Gardner PAS concept for years and never really accepted it, Childress argues that it's really a form of child abuse and therefore there is already a way to address it from that perspective.  His thesis is that PA is a child protection issue, not a custody issue.  It is discussed in his new book An Attachment-Based Model of Parental Alienation: Foundations and on his blog:

  www.drcraigchildressblog.com/

Here's a thread where we were discussing the topic across a number of informative posts recently:

  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=279815.msg12657769#msg12657769

[Sluggo]

Reading his book foundations.   What a great read.  He takes the time to develop the vocabulary so there is an understanding of what is happening.  It is like a mini course in family psychology and is right on point.  Amazing how this diagnosis is spot on with my experience. 

[Sluggo]

Just going through some old posts... .   This one is a great one for a resource material.  The video is great and the book is great from Dr. Childress.  Thought I would get it back to the top of the stack