Have all of us been physically threatened at some point by our BPD kin?

[Our abuse recovery guide]

In my experience those with BPD seem to think they can assault others even when it's obvious that they're going to get knocked senseless if they try it.

Is this common?

[ropend]

In my experience those with BPD seem to think they can assault others even when it's obvious that they're going to get knocked senseless if they try it.

Is this common?

[Turkish]

What is your specific experience, ropend?

[clljhns]

  ropend,

I don't know if this is common, but yes, my uBPDmom had violent episodes in which she would physically abuse us.

I have the same question as Turkish. Can you tell us more about your experience with this?


Wishing you all the best. 

[Spruce927]

Hi Ropend,

Like the other members suggest maybe give some more details.  Might even be good to get it out. 

As far as borderlines physical threats, they absolutely do this.  My mom physically threatened my father OFTEN during the divorce.  She would threat to kill him in his sleep and even held a knife to him in the kitchen.

I remember coming home one day from college and the house looked like someone has ransacked it and burglarized us.  It was just my mom after a threat to destroy the house. 

You say they do this even if they know they're going to get physically hurt.  I think this comes from the impulsively that accompanies BPD.   

[cleotokos]

Hi ropend, reading these forums for a while now it seems physical violence is very common, but this has not been my experience with my uBPDmom. She would spank us out of anger but this was the 80's and that was pretty common. One time she pulled my hair arguing with me when I was 12, which is indeed a strange reaction to an argument with a child. Other than that, no violence.

[Attie]

My mother would slap me regularly. It was her go to thing.

When she was more upset she would go further but that was rare.

However I have never seen her hit my father, throw plates and glasses at him yes, but she never dared to hit him. He was way stronger than her.

[HappyChappy]

My NPD older brother was vicious (he has a strong sadistic streak) but only if he wouldn’t be hurt. He’s a coward. My BPD mom tended to destroy property in her rage, but she encouraged my older NPD bro violence towards me. In my reading, I understand that NPD and BPD are often cowards, but a Psychopath/Sociopath is fearless.

I knew a Masochist once, he would pick fights with people that would clearly knock him about - I guess it's a form of self punishment, bit like watching baseball (joke). So ropend does the feedback help ? Can you share similar experiences ?

[Meadowslark]

My BPDsister has assaulted me when we were younger, usually with objects - shoes, heavy books, that sort of thing. After I hauled off and wailed on her (finally, after not wanting to fight back knowing she was smaller than me), she would threaten violence but would usually stoop to verbal or emotional/psychological abuse instead.

Like HappyChappy, I think my BPDsis is a coward. Any time someone stood up to her, she'd run away and hide.

I don't know if it's common across the board but in my reading of BPD, I'd say it's probably more common than we think. BPDs are like toddlers in adult bodies, throwing temper tantrums when we don't dance the steps they want us to. If one thing doesn't work, they'll try something else. I honestly think they do whatever they can to dish out as much pain as possible, but can't take it.

[Turkish]

My mother would slap me regularly. It was her go to thing.

When she was more upset she would go further but that was rare.

However I have never seen her hit my father, throw plates and glasses at him yes, but she never dared to hit him. He was way stronger than her.

My mom was always slapping me, so much that I often flinched (and once got slapped for that hard enough that my head knocked against the car window). Later as a teenager, she resorted to throwing things. Luckily, I was very quick. Once I ran out of the house away from her and she threw one of those roadside flashlights (fluorescent tube, two incandescent bulbs). I leaped down the front porch stairs and dodged it. The flashlight broke all over the ground which made her madder. I think I went off into the woods for a few hours until she cooled down.

One of the last times she hit me I grabbed her wrist. She went to smack me with the other hand so I grabbed that wrist as well. Then she kicked me. In retrospect, if I were her husband, I could have gone to jail for that 

[ropend]

My NPD older brother was vicious (he has a strong sadistic streak) but only if he wouldn’t be hurt. He’s a coward. My BPD mom tended to destroy property in her rage, but she encouraged my older NPD bro violence towards me. In my reading, I understand that NPD and BPD are often cowards, but a Psychopath/Sociopath is fearless.

I knew a Masochist once, he would pick fights with people that would clearly knock him about - I guess it's a form of self punishment, bit like watching baseball (joke). So ropend does the feedback help ? Can you share similar experiences ?

Only that she once attacked my mother in front of a large family member who just barely prevented himself from hospitalizing her.

I suspect she also swears at cops.

[clljhns]

Hi ropend,

Did your sibling ever attack you? I can tell you that my sister would hit me, punch me, and once pulled a knife on me. She took a statement I made about a television program as being directed at her. She threw her bowl of cereal across the room against the wall and grabbed a steak knife and then began to scream at me that I was talking about her. I certainly wasn't, but didn't want to argue the point with her holding a steak knife and pointing it at me. I stepped to the door (we were in her college dormitory room) and she jumped in front of me, holding the knife, level with her stomach, and pointing it at me. She told me to sit down or she would stab me. I truly believed that she would, so I sat down. Once she saw that I would not fight her, she seemed to calm down a little, but did continue to insist that I had all kinds of terrible thoughts about her. Finally, she put down the knife, and began to cry. I comforted her, but couldn't wait to get away from her. It was a scary moment in my life.

I suspect she also swears at cops.

Has your sibling ever taunted the police, or ever been arrested?

Wishing you all the best! 

[Attie]

My mother would slap me regularly. It was her go to thing.

When she was more upset she would go further but that was rare.

However I have never seen her hit my father, throw plates and glasses at him yes, but she never dared to hit him. He was way stronger than her.

My mom was always slapping me, so much that I often flinched (and once got slapped for that hard enough that my head knocked against the car window). Later as a teenager, she resorted to throwing things. Luckily, I was very quick. Once I ran out of the house away from her and she threw one of those roadside flashlights (fluorescent tube, two incandescent bulbs). I leaped down the front porch stairs and dodged it. The flashlight broke all over the ground which made her madder. I think I went off into the woods for a few hours until she cooled down.

One of the last times she hit me I grabbed her wrist. She went to smack me with the other hand so I grabbed that wrist as well. Then she kicked me. In retrospect, if I were her husband, I could have gone to jail for that 

If my partner turns around too fast, especially when we're in a discussion I will flinch and cover my face. If she raises her hand, I cover my face and duck. It's an instinct. I wonder if that ever goes away. Especially since my partner has never done anything to deserve my ducking.

I used to flinch whenever my mother moved. I tried to hold her wrists a few times, she grew up on a farm milking the cows, she was RIDICULOUSLY strong. It made her madder. I stopped trying.

[claudiaduffy]

My uBPDmom grew up in a family that was highly disordered and physically abusive, and she wanted desperately to not do the same thing to us - so the worst physical stuff we got from her was anger-spankings (the worst of which was the anger part. They never bruised or left welts or anything; she didn't spank that hard, which surprises me, because she was quite strong.) Like another commenter said, this was the early 80s and spanking was the norm.

The one exception for me was a single time when I was a young teen. My mom grabbed my ear, dragged me to the laundry room, and shoved my face close to a garment that apparently I had ruined by allowing bleach to drip on it - screaming at me the whole time. I think she scared herself by doing this because she quickly opened the back door and shoved me out of it, telling me to get out of her sight. I was left shaking and bewildered, wandering around the backyard for several minutes before she called me back and tearfully apologized. She had NEVER done anything like that to me before, and this was during a time when she thought my dad was cheating on her; connecting the dots makes sense to me now, and even did a little bit then. (I'm not excusing her, but it is interesting to me how strong her resolve was to not take things out on us physically, and how infrequently her resolve broke. I wish she had had as good a resolve to not take things out on us emotionally.)

Now, she did physically attack her sister - my aunt - who was visiting when I was about 4 or 5 years old. They got into an argument and my mom told me and my little sister (just a toddler) to go play outside. To my memory, we were out there a really long time and could hear them screaming at each other indoors. After who knows how long, my mom came out and apologized to us. She and my aunt both had bloody scratches on their arms and faces from each other. And later, when I was a teen, I woke in the night to hear her screaming at my dad, hitting him, and trying to push him out the door of our house.

[Lily77]

My uBPD mother became physically abusive around the time I was 5. She frequently would grab me by the arm and slap me, around the shoulders and on my bottom and legs. The scariest part wasn't so much the pain, but the out-of-control angry look and hissed words through her teeth she would do at the same time. Looking back, I can see that the anger was completely, completely out of proportion to the offense. She also was a fan of "washing my mouth out", dragging me to the bathroom and violently ramming a bar of soap into my mouth. She also hit me with a metal ruler once on my leg, but for the most part slapping was her go-to punishment. The last time she really slapped me was on the face at 16, and then she hasn't really done it since then, although in two heated arguments in my 20s she started to then stopped herself.

[Clearmind]

Yes my aunt only recently stood over me whil I was holding my baby. It surprised me because nothing prior triggered her accept the fact I was in the room. I was visiting my grandmother and she came in 20 mins after we arrived.

She told me she was "going to f'ing thump my head in quicker than I'd know what happened". She did it twice. I'm done honestly. I reported it to police because in her 64 years no one has ever held her accountable.

I feel better in the knowledge that someone listened. What I did have to work on was the self blame.

I blamed myself or her attack an triggered my own stuff from childhood in a massive way. I fell apart. It feels more resolved now however anxiousness and fear and butterflies my belly still surface. It doesn't feel good but not mine to own - I still need to work on that.

[odaat]

Where do I begin?

1. Beaten with wire coat hangers, belts (buckle end usually only if drinking at same time), glass bottles, paint cans, etc, etc

2. Forced to stand and not move all night (this doesn't sound that bad but try standing, not moving, not leaning for at least 7 hours - it is awful)

3. Physically thrown out the house overnight in the yard or wherever (even when we were 3, 5 and 6 years old)

etc etc... .

For the most part worst when she drank too. some periods where is was every night. We would be falling asleep at school and afraid to show our wounds when changing in the dressing room at school.

The night might start off ok then something would set her off.

[Clearmind]

Where do I begin?

1. Beaten with wire coat hangers, belts (buckle end usually only if drinking at same time), glass bottles, paint cans, etc, etc

2. Forced to stand and not move all night (this doesn't sound that bad but try standing, not moving, not leaning for at least 7 hours - it is awful)

3. Physically thrown out the house overnight in the yard or wherever (even when we were 3, 5 and 6 years old)

etc etc... .

For the most part worst when she drank too. some periods where is was every night. We would be falling asleep at school and afraid to show our wounds when changing in the dressing room at school.

The night might start off ok then something would set her off.

 that's not nice to read odaat. hugs to you and everyone in this thread who have experienced it

[Linda Maria]

Hi all!  I too have been physically threatened by my uBPDsis, although it has been fairly rare.  We are both in our early fifties now, and I haven't lived with her for nearly 30 years, so she didn't have many chances once I moved away.  But once when we were in our early 20s, both living at home, and my parents were away on holiday, she suddenly started accusing me of using her towel - at about 7.30 in the morning.  At the time we all used the same towels so I had no idea what she was talking about, so I said, oh sorry - didn't know that was your towel, I'll put it in the wash - use another one for now, and I'll know for the future.  Long story short - I went into my room thinking WTH?  Heard her running down the landing - had a bad feeling - shut and locked the door just in time.  She was pounding on the door for me to let her in - I was really scared.  Heard her go downstairs, then come back up, and I could hear that she had some tools and was trying to unscrew the handle and lock from the door!  I was working out if I could escape out the window, when she stopped, I heard her go into the bathroom and lock the door.  I grabbed my stuff, opened my door as quietly as I could, ran downstairs, grabbed my keys and left the house - I drove away like a bat out of hell!  I was really traumatised - I have no idea what it was about.  When I came home later, she had bought me something as a present (i.e. an apology) but I didn't accept it.  I later realised she had taken some of my things, which later turned up underneath my Mum's car which was in the garage!  After that, I avoided being in the house alone with her when my parents were away, I would ask a friend over to stay.  It's mad because she is not that big or strong, but today, after the hell of the last 2 years when I had to see her more following my Mum's death, I am now NC, and I would not under any circumstances be in a room on my own with her.  Crazy huh?

[Ziggiddy]

Hi ropend

My mother was violent yes, mostly enraged at insubordination - but the part that struck me (pardon the pun) was where you said "If they think they can get away with it."

Feeling a kind of growing horror ... .because my mother didn't actually think it was wrong.

She was proud of the bruises/welts/humiliation.

There was an event where she had me gather all the neighbourhood kids and then belted my brother on the buttocks after pulling his pants down in front of them all. 2 weeks later, she took him to the next door neighbour and proudly displayed the bruises he still had to her.

Not worried about getting away with it at all. Thought it was the best thing she could do to prove to other parents that she was 'attending to business.'