Ask one's GP physician for a voluntary psychiatric referral to use in court?

[ogopogodude]

I was pondering this issue to myself and it makes sense... . 

In Canada, health care is "free", ... sort of, ... .Every province (e.g. Alberta, Saskatchewan, BC, Manitoba, Ontario,etc) is responsible for their own health care system.  Each citizen pays a premium for a specified timeframe --ie. one can pay for three months, six months, or the entire year beforehand or simply pay monthly by having the premium debited from one's bank account. The head of the household can pay for his entire family unit or each citizen can pay for just him/herself individually.  Then you can go as many times as you want to your family physician.

Anyways, I was thinking of going to my GP (general practitioner) doctor and specifically asking for a referral to a psychiatrist. Why, ... .you may ask?  Then I could spend some time with a psychiatrist (say, two three or four appointments)  and lay out all the information that I have (audios, videos, texts, emails, and so on, ... i.e. any evidence of the constant emotional and physical abuse from my ex/spouse and then get a written report to be able to use in court ... .i.e. voluntarily hand it in to judge/court).  Then during a Trial, if the judge says, "we are going to suspend any further sessions until a psychiatric evaluation is done on BOTH parties and then the Trial will resume after this... .). 

This is what happened to my relative and his wife in court and then their divorce resumed after a psychologist interviewed the two parties, but it cost $6.000 for this psychologist to evaluate them both. A psychologist is NOT covered by MSP medical services plan, but rather out of pocket.

But it would be FREE if I specifically ask for a referral to a psychiatrist by my GP. The I could interrupt the judge and say, ... ."I already had an evaluation done by a registered psychiatrist rather than a less  experienced psychologist of my total psyche, Your Honor, ... .so I am one step ahead of you, ... .here is the report from my general physician as well as my psychiatrist ... .both reports show clearly that I was abused as well as our children were abused by my ex-mate" 

[livednlearned]

You are separated from your wife with full custody of the kids, but not divorced. Is that your circumstance?

What would the psych eval do in terms of court at this point, if you already have the kids?

[ForeverDad]

I suspect the professional might be reluctant to make a statement or summary without having sessions with the other person, in case you had cherry picked incidents that made you look better and the other spouse worse.

[Aussie JJ]

The person you SEE is biased, they are your individual practitioner, court appointed reports to the court not yourself and has no need to look after your interests it is primarily reporting to the court so they can make a decision isn't he child's best interests. 

What I was told. 

Get the appointment, see the doctor for yourself, get them to highlight yes, BPD (hopefully right it in their notes, ex partner has BPD).  Then work on yourself, if they tell you yes she shows all of those behaviours etc, make a note in your diary.  Seeing XYZ doctor and he said ex-BPD displays all of these behaviours, makes her out to have this problem.  Dont understand it but he has told me I have to do XYZ to look after myself and for children keep doing ABC.  Get him to recomend books for the kids that will give you skills to ASSIST the kids.  Having those notes and those books he gives you with receipts shows your interested in the kids not the fighting. 

One thing that you can do is all medical files, this will get it introduced for you to the other practitioner.  Thing is, you go in knowing EVERYTHING.  All of a sudden your being manipulative and forcing them to make a decision.  Better off concentrating on behaviours and letting them label.  Throw in walking on eggshells, have DOCUMENTED instances of black and white thinking, get the solicitor to document it in depositions not yourself.  You just care about the kids, cant help her, still respect her but don't understand it all. 

A: If ever asked what do you think, yes I read the book.  Living with her was like walking on eggshells, we are seperate now.  I just focus on the kids. 

Q: Do you mean she has BPD, are you diagnosing her. 

A: No No No, the doctor said she had all those behaviours, and yes it was just like the book.  It saddens me that I didn't learn earlier but now I have learnt that I cant help her as she doesn't want to help herself in many instances. 

Q: That is crazy, she doesn't want help, what do you mean. 

A: Please take this example where she is placing her actions onto me and fails to take accountability for her actions.  I cant help her when she does nothing but blame and takes no ownership for her own actions.  This saddens me and I just try to protect the kids from this and love them as best I can and set the best example I can. 

If you say, she is all or nothing, flips from hot to cold in her moods and this effects EVERY facet of her life, her behaviour in everything.  I just don't understand it but I keep trying to be consistent with her, I have learnt that if I set boundary's they are constantly attacked, doesn't respect them.  Behavioural examples. 

Find studies that the solicitor can use to show how the behaviours of BPD in mothers can effect kids.  Get the psychologist or psychiatrist to dish the dirt on her if she does get diagnosed. 

Let them diagnose off the behaviours.  Give plenty of evidence of these behaviours. 


AJJ. 

[ogopogodude]

You are separated from your wife with full custody of the kids, but not divorced. Is that your circumstance?

What would the psych eval do in terms of court at this point, if you already have the kids?

Actually, you are insinuating a very good point, ... .there is really no point now, is there?  I have the kids in MY care, with the very occasional visit with their troubled mom (which I encourage, as I am certainly not into the PAS thing --parent alienation syndrome).  I have found lately, now that my ex misses the kids, that when our teens say "love you mom,... " then she really appreciates this  gesture from our kids. It brings her to tears from time to time as deep down she knows she screwed up (regarding alcohol and temper tantrums).  Kids will always love their mom, ... .as she is the only mom they have. Yes, ... .she may be troubled, and they know that, ... and they certainly do not need a dad (me) to always point it out or degrade their mom (as this would back-fire on any dad).

I suppose that I am, in my mind, just wanting to prepare for a perhaps lengthy divorce Trial.  And I want to be able to "prove" that I am 'normal' and my ex certainly is not.   My ex and her family (my in laws) will fervently resist any possibility of a psych evaluation because if it was ever court ordered, then there is no hiding the truth of BPD or mental problems on the maternal side.

[livednlearned]

I suppose that I am, in my mind, just wanting to prepare for a perhaps lengthy divorce Trial.  And I want to be able to "prove" that I am 'normal' and my ex certainly is not.   My ex and her family (my in laws) will fervently resist any possibility of a psych evaluation because if it was ever court ordered, then there is no hiding the truth of BPD or mental problems on the maternal side.

Psych evals are typically only necessary when there is a contested custody situation, which no longer applies in your situation. Are you planning to go through with the divorce?

[ogopogodude]

I suppose that I am, in my mind, just wanting to prepare for a perhaps lengthy divorce Trial.  And I want to be able to "prove" that I am 'normal' and my ex certainly is not.   My ex and her family (my in laws) will fervently resist any possibility of a psych evaluation because if it was ever court ordered, then there is no hiding the truth of BPD or mental problems on the maternal side.

Psych evals are typically only necessary when there is a contested custody situation, which no longer applies in your situation. Are you planning to go through with the divorce?

Yes, ... .slowly but surely.  It sounds weird, but I do still have feeling for my ex-mate.  I have a history with her even though she abused me and the kids.  I feel sorry for her as she did not ask for this affliction. I want to remain friends, ... but on my terms.  Meaning that I will no longer tolerate abuse, nor verbal diarrhea coming from her, nor the talking in circles, ... .as there are times when she is/can be soo nice. And this is the person I want to converse with... .  I just cannot live with this person.  She totally changed after the 10th year of marriage.  It is interesting how my life and my relationship so closely follows that blurb on 'The evolution of a BPD relationship' somewhere on this  website.

I am perhaps somewhat of a putz ... .and soo wanting to see peace in the world.  I remember watching an episode of Dr Phil and I will always recall when he said, (paraphrasing) ... "I never give up on family no matter how bleak it may seem for resolution" ... .

I also suffer from this great urge to be "proven-to-be-right-all-along"... .mainly because I wanna shove a report down the throats of my ex's mother and father who are really troubled nut-bars who have also abused me. My mother in law and father in law are immensely rich and they have gotten thru life by squashing on people. In other words, they are very nasty people. They do not have a good reputation in town.  I have the key to their closet and I can show the world their skeletons if I so desire. But I am not that type of person.  In this respect I have more power than I know. I have something (evidence) that money cannot buy. ... .And I can, theoretically, prove to the world that I was right all along. What it comes down to is that I really only want to be left alone.  The drive-bys (stalking)  and ringing the doorbells to verbally abuse me by my mother in law have finally ceased due to my placement of a video cam in my front porch.

Anyways, ... .

[livednlearned]

I finished taking a 10-week mindfulness-based stress reduction class (MBSR) today. If you want to be left alone and truly live in peace, that is one great way to do it. Truly a life-changing experience.

My son professed a lot of distaste for the man I've been dating the last 2 years. I cared a great deal, and it became a big topic in therapy. And over the course of the last 10 weeks, it just... .dissipated. I accepted that my son has a right to feel the way he does, and that I can't change it, and kinda gave the whole situation the proverbial shoulder shrug.

Today, driving home, he said, "I have no reason to not like Guy's Name." Just tossed it out there, not only recognizing he feels it, but admitting it to me. I believe it's because I drained all the energy out of it for me. It's not a button to push anymore. In fact, since I have to travel for work next week, I asked SO to stay here and run the show. Normally, I would avoid a situation like that because S13 would wind up and get upset. Instead, he kinda shrugged it off too.

If you want someone to leave you alone, stop caring what they do