Suspect my wife has BPD... help

[Aghammer]

I've been married for almost 9 years and many of our problems have been coming to head over the past year.  The more I've analyzed things and searched the Internet for help/answers, the more I run into info on BPD.  I really suspect my wife has BPD, but don't know how/what to do to help save our marriage.  I'm at the end of my rope and feel more and more the divorce is a question of when vs. if, and/or I can only envision an unhappy life ahead of me.  Where do I start?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[vortex of confusion]

I am so sorry to hear that your marriage had come to a head. I have been married almost 17 years and things have come to a head in the last year or two. I am still plugging along.

I would recommend starting out by reading the Lessons that you can find down the right side of the forum.

Before you can make anything better, you have to figure out how to stop making it worse. There are Lessons with information about that as well as understanding your partner's behavior, understanding your role in the relationship, along with some great communication tools. It can be overwhelming at first. If you have questions about the Lessons, you can post them.

What makes you think your wife has BPD? Is there a specific behavior that is problematic or has it been a vague feeling that things weren't quite right but you weren't sure how?

Welcome! You can post as much or as little as you want and the people here will try to give you advice, point you towards information, or offer a hug or two. 

[waverider]

Sorry to hear that you are feeling so negative and helpless. It is a difficult disorder to deal with, many here have been in your shoes, but all is not lost

The turning point here is you realizing that it is a recognized disorder, and that by changing the way you interact you can affect the dynamics at play.

Whether you can turn it into a successful relationship or not, no one knows yet.

Start by reading this workshop

PERSPECTIVES: The do's and don'ts in a BPD relationship

Waverider