My best friend's partner has BPD

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Hello I am currently in a pickle.

My best friend's girlfriend has BPD and has put my BFF through some hard stuff this past week. Refuses to get help and keeps putting my BFF through difficult moments. My BFF believes that her love will fix this and as long as her partner apologizes to her she believes it all. I care for my BFF too much to se her go through everything over and over again, she has even told me she is done and can't do this anymore but when her partner shows up with flowers and balloons after almost committing suicide, verbally abusing her and so on she accepts.


I want to help my BFF and don't know how to anymore.

I care about both of them and their relationship has become too unhealthy ... .any advice?

[anonymous0021]

Hello I am currently in a pickle.

My best friend's girlfriend has BPD and has put my BFF through some hard stuff this past week. Refuses to get help and keeps putting my BFF through difficult moments. My BFF believes that her love will fix this and as long as her partner apologizes to her she believes it all. I care for my BFF too much to se her go through everything over and over again, she has even told me she is done and can't do this anymore but when her partner shows up with flowers and balloons after almost committing suicide, verbally abusing her and so on she accepts.


I want to help my BFF and don't know how to anymore.

I care about both of them and their relationship has become too unhealthy ... .any advice?

[Mike-X]

Welcome to the boards. Was she diagnosed with BPD?  My udxGF never apologized for rages, quite the opposite saying that I brought it out of her and deserved it.

[lbjnltx]

Hello anonymous0021

Welcome to the site and the Undecided Board.  We are glad you are here though sorry to hear about  your friend having BPD.

The ups and downs of a relationship with a person with BPD is trying and trying on the people who watch the cycles repeating.  My best advice to you would be to have some boundaries with your friends.  What is causing the most difficulty for you right now regarding the friendship?

I also wonder if your friend may want to come here to learn about her husband's disorder and learn how to make their relationship better.  When one person in a relationship changes then the relationship does change because the dynamic becomes different.  What do you think?  Is this something she might want to do?

lbjnltx

[Mutt]

Hi anonymous0,



I'm sorry to hear that. It's hard to see a friend you care for going through difficult stuff.

I think it helps to understand that a pwBPD often lack awareness and create conflict with Karpman drama triangles and will shift roles; persecutor, savior and victim. Often a pwBPD will be cast as victim and I think it's a good place to start with, learn about this dynamic and it will help with conflict with non-disordered people as well.

You may be cast in a role of rescuer or persecutor and the best position to be that has elements of all corners is moving to the center of the drama triangle; it's the most compassionate position. I understand that this is your BFF, it will help you if you don't take either polarized sides and you may want to validate your friend.

Hang in there.


----Mutt

[mrwigand]

I've got some great friends and I'll tell you what they told me:

We love you, support you and we're here for you no matter what decision you make, but we don't think this relationship is good for you.

You don't necessarily even have to frame it as someone is doing something wrong, perhaps just that you don't think they're right for each other and you're concerned he's in for more pain than he needs.