tired and disgusted.

[beckta]

I was in a relationship for past 16 months until yesterday. Don't often read about male BPD's. I have known for months that it was a bad train wreck waiting to happen, even after infidelity. He even married someone else halfway across the country that he had not seen in a year. I guess it was phone courtship. Guess what, I tried to let go, I gave up all my spiritual values and ended up sleeping with a married man. Told me she was safe--plain, dull, didn't ask for  much. Said he would go off the deep end if I left him. I didn't believe that, but that's intoxicating, if you know what I mean. But compromising my whole self for this person has left me spiritually ill, physically ill, emotionally devastated. I have not written everything, as most of already know the journey. Even as I am writing this, he is texting me. We also work together, share the same office. We were so enmeshed, most of the time seeing each other 24/7. His new wife works and lives in another state. But I had to end it. The working together is absolute hell. I start getting physically ill every morning enroute to work.

[Ceruleanblue]

Well, realization is good. Your are seeing some of his "bad choices" and you chose to end it, which is what you thought was best for YOU. That takes a lot of strength and courage.

As much as you can, try to desensitize yourself to him, not let him get to you, so that your work environment becomes more tolerable. Easier said than done, I'm sure, but I've found lots and lots of positive self talk, about anything, can really help. Start small, and do a little more each day. Distract yourself with other thoughts, every time you start to dwell on him at work. I can see where it must be awful to have to interact with him, but on the flip side, he knows YOU left him  That's probably an ego blow for him, and you are so strong for walking away.

Hugs to you.