My wife and I have separated but now she wants to "reset" and date agian

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi, I have been married to a BPD sufferer for five months and a half. I have tried to get her to see a therapist but she refuses. She says I am the one who needs help. She has a family history of Biopolar, her younger brother and oldest Aunt.

When we met and started dating my wife talked about having ADHD. She cycles from happy to sad and then neutral within 15 minutes normally. She finally admitted to being treated for depression in 2000. She was born in 1971, so she is 44.

She has this big thing about trust. Told me that her first husband caused this issue. Everything I say now is challenged as a lie. She forgets that we talked about plans or discussed something and then says I am making things up.

She started screaming at her two bosses during a video conference call. My wife was being verbally counciled for using the phrase " spoon feeding him the information." My wife started screaming at the laptop" you are hurting me, you can not talk to me like that. All out raging volume, stop it. She began to sob during her raging.

Her anger was so bad that I thought the two bosses were going to fire her. My wife has made exaggerated statement in regards to how she looks compared to my ex wife. My wife asked that my son come visit opposite weekends from her son's schedule. Said that Her son was being influenced by my son.

I could do nothing wrong before marriage, now eveything I say is challenged. I have been put out if the house three times.     

[Birdman]

Hi, I have been married to a BPD sufferer for five months and a half. I have tried to get her to see a therapist but she refuses. She says I am the one who needs help. She has a family history of Biopolar, her younger brother and oldest Aunt.

When we met and started dating my wife talked about having ADHD. She cycles from happy to sad and then neutral within 15 minutes normally. She finally admitted to being treated for depression in 2000. She was born in 1971, so she is 44.

She has this big thing about trust. Told me that her first husband caused this issue. Everything I say now is challenged as a lie. She forgets that we talked about plans or discussed something and then says I am making things up.

She started screaming at her two bosses during a video conference call. My wife was being verbally counciled for using the phrase " spoon feeding him the information." My wife started screaming at the laptop" you are hurting me, you can not talk to me like that. All out raging volume, stop it. She began to sob during her raging.

Her anger was so bad that I thought the two bosses were going to fire her. My wife has made exaggerated statement in regards to how she looks compared to my ex wife. My wife asked that my son come visit opposite weekends from her son's schedule. Said that Her son was being influenced by my son.

I could do nothing wrong before marriage, now eveything I say is challenged. I have been put out if the house three times.     

[mitatsu]

Hi Birdy 

speaking from the point of a newly married and seperated Husband to a PwBpd i found that as soon as we got married it got worse,Maybe its a overload to them they feel completely enveloped by us so panic and trigger

My wife also blamed Ex's for her problems and threw everything at me from the past and to be honest i left 5 months after getting married to her and whilst it wasnt a easy decision it was certainly best for BOTH of us i have no contact with her and have started the healing journey

you may have to choose between a life of constant 'out of the house' moments (as until she gets help it usually gets worse) and being more mindful of how you react to her OR walking away and trying to make a better life for maybe both of you as you may find you are her trigger now so you will be living in a minefield

we are all here for you and there are plenty of help guides on here 

[OnceConfused]

Birdy:

I feel for you. My xBPDgf was so nice to me before we got intimate. She had been so romantic, so concerned about my family (i was a widower with 3 young Ds). Then as soon as we got close, things turn south into chaos. This wonderful woman all of a sudden stomped out of my car because I was telling her about the pain of losing my late wife (tragic car accident), going into silent rage from just little things I had said (which she recalled days later and then got upset again and again).

SHe broke up with me (not we but she) almost weekly basis. Amazingly she said lots of negative things about her best friends. She even said negative things about my best friend's wife, whom she met only for about 1 hour.

Consequently, I had to seek professional therapy only after 8 weeks of being with xBPDgf. Luckily the therapy shed some lights on her illness and that BPD cannot be fixed, without significant changes from BPD themselves. In my case, BPD thought the problem was not with her but with everybody else - her x husband, xboyfriends, her friends, my children, my clients ... .

By the way, all of these are part of BPD's strategy to ISOLATE you in order to control you.

The only thing I can share with you is that I had enough courage to leave and that was the best decision I have ever made. I now am married to a wonderful woman, and for the last 6 years we fought only 1 or 2 times as opposed to the weekly arguments with BPD. I am a happy man

[DyingLove]

Hi, I have been married to a BPD sufferer for five months and a half. I have tried to get her to see a therapist but she refuses. She says I am the one who needs help. She has a family history of Biopolar, her younger brother and oldest Aunt.

When we met and started dating my wife talked about having ADHD. She cycles from happy to sad and then neutral within 15 minutes normally. She finally admitted to being treated for depression in 2000. She was born in 1971, so she is 44.

She has this big thing about trust. Told me that her first husband caused this issue. Everything I say now is challenged as a lie. She forgets that we talked about plans or discussed something and then says I am making things up.

She started screaming at her two bosses during a video conference call. My wife was being verbally counciled for using the phrase " spoon feeding him the information." My wife started screaming at the laptop" you are hurting me, you can not talk to me like that. All out raging volume, stop it. She began to sob during her raging.

Her anger was so bad that I thought the two bosses were going to fire her. My wife has made exaggerated statement in regards to how she looks compared to my ex wife. My wife asked that my son come visit opposite weekends from her son's schedule. Said that Her son was being influenced by my son.

I could do nothing wrong before marriage, now eveything I say is challenged. I have been put out if the house three times.     

I had to think twice reading your post.  My ex just turned 44 and also she does/did as yours in ways,

Told me that her first husband caused this issue. Everything I say now is challenged as a lie.

But she had two husbands.  I know that they caused a lot of "STUFF" in her marriages, much too much to get into here.

Think twice three four five times!  You are fresh with her, not 4 years like me. You haven't really mentioned what you might want to do.