Guilt for not going back to pwBPD traits.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I made a promise to my gf i would go back to her. We had financial problems and were fighting constantly. I was miserable and felt deeply unappreciated, I felt I did everything i could to make thinfgs right and she remained terribly unhappy, and in a lot of pain. I left the country and returned home, while making a promise to return to her. My family and friends warned me against going back to her and that the situation will only get worse.

For a year, i continued to support her to help her get through law school, but as i was not there with her, she was always angry, hating me and being in a resentful state. Regardless of what I did to help her as best i ant, she continued to project back onto me all the pain she felt.

Her financial mistakes and mismanagement only got worse. blowing the budget week after week, month after month, outright lying about where the money was going to, what was being bought OR what really was happening.

While we had some truly wonderful memories, deep down I was miserable. This isn't the parter i want in my life - she remained uncaring, unloving, and supportive of my interests, career, and passions.

We had on / off make-up / break-up cycles lasting over a year. She still is lying to me, although I see the patterns now and i have been reading and learning about her behaviour and my own. I have already been advised from life-coaches, therapists and knowledgeable friends, that indeed she is toxic and that this is NOT a relationship.

Now, I still feel deeply guilty about 'abandoning her'. I am living such a happy, healthy life when on my own, and having wonderful interactions with others. I feel 'free' , her needy, controlling, jealousy, lying ,, i felt so burdened, and emotionally and physically drained. Im doing much better now, and looking after my health and spending tome with some great friends. I wish to heal my own guilt and pain for breaking my promise, and for allowing her to 'face the consequences' of her own actions, which might mean she doesn't get to write the bar exam (she failed 3 times before, and needed more money from me to write, study each year while still hating me and withholding love)

[daz_bpd]

I made a promise to my gf i would go back to her. We had financial problems and were fighting constantly. I was miserable and felt deeply unappreciated, I felt I did everything i could to make thinfgs right and she remained terribly unhappy, and in a lot of pain. I left the country and returned home, while making a promise to return to her. My family and friends warned me against going back to her and that the situation will only get worse.

For a year, i continued to support her to help her get through law school, but as i was not there with her, she was always angry, hating me and being in a resentful state. Regardless of what I did to help her as best i ant, she continued to project back onto me all the pain she felt.

Her financial mistakes and mismanagement only got worse. blowing the budget week after week, month after month, outright lying about where the money was going to, what was being bought OR what really was happening.

While we had some truly wonderful memories, deep down I was miserable. This isn't the parter i want in my life - she remained uncaring, unloving, and supportive of my interests, career, and passions.

We had on / off make-up / break-up cycles lasting over a year. She still is lying to me, although I see the patterns now and i have been reading and learning about her behaviour and my own. I have already been advised from life-coaches, therapists and knowledgeable friends, that indeed she is toxic and that this is NOT a relationship.

Now, I still feel deeply guilty about 'abandoning her'. I am living such a happy, healthy life when on my own, and having wonderful interactions with others. I feel 'free' , her needy, controlling, jealousy, lying ,, i felt so burdened, and emotionally and physically drained. Im doing much better now, and looking after my health and spending tome with some great friends. I wish to heal my own guilt and pain for breaking my promise, and for allowing her to 'face the consequences' of her own actions, which might mean she doesn't get to write the bar exam (she failed 3 times before, and needed more money from me to write, study each year while still hating me and withholding love)

[mitatsu]

You my friend are healing! and allowing your feelings to be real and that is a great thing and of course you can also let them go as any non can so dont feel bad feel whatever you are feeling at this time then let it flow away from you

good work sir 

[llor]

If that can help, I can say that time helps. I have been single now for 10 months. The guilt slowly dies away when you realize that it is not your ''mission'' to save her and never was. Being in a relationship its not about saving someone, its about sharing and take care of each other. She is no more your responsibility. Enjoy your freedom