Feeling pretty bad today

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I am having a terrible time with this all today. Yesterday I took the day off work because I had a terrible headache and being home sent me into a terrible depression. I cried on and off all day and night. Today is beautiful out and I want to enjoy it but I am so depressed I just can't snap out of it. I really am trying but the hurt in my heart is back again which had been gone for several months.  I just really don't know how to get myself to come to terms with everything.  My mind knows he really did nothing for me as far as I pay my bills and take care of myself and my kids so really why do I need him. I really wasn't happy when I was with him but my heart says I need him to feel whole again. I really just wish my heart would shut up

[Left broken and confused]

I am having a terrible time with this all today. Yesterday I took the day off work because I had a terrible headache and being home sent me into a terrible depression. I cried on and off all day and night. Today is beautiful out and I want to enjoy it but I am so depressed I just can't snap out of it. I really am trying but the hurt in my heart is back again which had been gone for several months.  I just really don't know how to get myself to come to terms with everything.  My mind knows he really did nothing for me as far as I pay my bills and take care of myself and my kids so really why do I need him. I really wasn't happy when I was with him but my heart says I need him to feel whole again. I really just wish my heart would shut up

[mitatsu]

Hi sorry your feeling like this

i too had a big episode earlier first one in 7 weeks but it will pass and we are here for you so feel loved by us

a little rain makes a rainbow 

[FannyB]

Ditto. Been fine for 3 months then made the mistake of looking at a photo of her. She looked so gorgeous that everything else just went out of the window for a few hours. Got my equilibrium back now but it's shown me I'm not as strong as I thought or hoped. Need to get my daily fix of how hopeless it all is to keep me on the straight and narrow! 

[dagwoodbowser]

This sux broken and confused. I've been there, not just once, but 4 times! I am now on day 32 N/C after giving it yet another miserable and failed attempt. We have to think of ourselves as junkies of very strong, powerful yet Toxic emotions that our BPDx main lined us with. The thing for me is that now the hurt, the pain, the lies, etc now far out weigh the pleasure and fake idealization they used on us to hook us. I still have some bad days, but I have to keep reminding myself of how I almost destroyed myself for her and I have to bite the bullet and take it one day at a time.

That bottle, that drug, that person looks good from a far and it's easy to remember how good it felt, but all it takes is One sip and you're back to square one.