Michelle,
On some levels it has to do with frustration and simmering resentments... .
The code of validation means they can not be aired unless sandwhiched between gold stars.
Speaking candidly is out - and i have no problem working on my diplomatic skills to bridge a gap or to resolve conflict - but i dont think i can be a full time therapeutic counselor 24 hours a day. Especially with nothing but hot fire coming back at all times.
Ive made some realizations in this deal - one is i am susceptible to BPD stuff - meaning i attracted one and thought their behavior was ok for me - as the behavior got worse i let it happen. 2 is my kids did not sign up for this... .so its my job to keep em clear.
good luck
Well said. I too had to realize that my own issues put me in this position. That my first marriage was abusive but in a different way (physical mostly) and that despite 7 years where things were good, here I am in another abusive marriage (mostly emotional/verbal). Taking a stand for myself and insisting on this separation in order to heal and let him heal has been so empowering. Despite being separated at the moment, this is the most hope I've ever had that maybe, just maybe, we can make it.