Hi all. I'm sure many of you can relate to this and I thought I would share. My exuBPDbf blamed me for all our problems and tried to make me feel like the crazy one. I actually went to elementary school with his ex wife and her sister. Her sister was actually in my class and we used to be FB friends years ago. Not sure why we aren't anymore. His ex wife is not on FB. My ex and I had our final falling out Valentines Day. He barely talks to me and when he does he is very mean. When I have brought up his abusive behaviors he says its me, that he has never behaved like this in any relationship. When in fact he admitted the reason his last relationship failed was because he was drunk, called her the C word and took her car and left her at the bar. I shouldn't even tell you he told me this on the first date!
He was so charming and attractive, like the rest of you, I overlooked it. And he point blank swore to me that he was NEVER abusive to his wife. He was hung up on her for years after according to mutual friends. He told everyone they divorced because he found out she was cheating on him for months behind his back.
Anyway, I don't know why I didn't think to reach out to the sister and confirm if he was abusive to her. I have really been feeling crazy like maybe somehow it was my fault etc. I am pretty assertive and I don't "usually" put up with crap. Why I did with him for almost a year and a half I'll never know. So, I put together a synopsis of what had taken place in my relationship and would appreciate any input or insight as to any abuse that went on in their relationship. After I hit send I started shaking because I was terrified she was going to tell me there was no abuse. Then he would be right and everything was my fault! Well much to my surprise (I don't know why I should be surprised) She confirmed that he was extremely emotionally and at times physically abusive and Im lucky to have gotten out before he really hurt me. They were together around 5 or so years and she said her sister was miserable. I guess the final straw was him putting a knife to her privates and proclaiming he was going to have sex with her. Wow! She also said he cheated on her! Then told her this was just a long time friend of his. Well guess what! This is the same long time friend he still has that he has used to make me jealous. I found sexual texts between them when we weren't "technically" together according to him, meanwhile he was still sleeping in my bed.
So basically we went back and forth for a while but she pretty much validated everything I was saying and I feel much less crazy now for it. Bottom line, these people were abusive before us and will be abusive with the next one. Do not beat yourself up! No matter what they have said to you, they are liars!
Now to part 2 of this story. So I was feeling extremely angry at him for being such a liar and making me to feel crazy. Then yesterday BAM, back to missing him again! This is such a mind EF. No, I dont have a T yet and yes I desperately need one. I can't afford it right now. Need to change my insurance the first of the year then I plan on going to therapy and hopefully EMDR. Heard great things about that and my friend is going through it herself right now. Have 2 really good girlfriends who have both been in abusive relationships and can relate. So I get as much talk therapy with them that I can daily. I can't wait to be past this and be able to look at him and feel nothing!
