I want him to leave but he won't

[grayarea]

I read about this happening now here I am.  So many times before he would want to leave and even sometimes actually leave and I remember being devastated.  Even begged him to stay or come back.  My how times have changed.  Now I just can't wait to get rid of him.  This last time he moved in with me, it was supposed to be for a couple months and its now almost a couple of years!

 

He had a huge meltdown tonight.  We were about to go thru a drive thru when he brought up how I break stuff around the house... . classic projection and a whole rewritten narrative about how my kitchen cabinet broke.  I opened it one day and a couple of the hinges had detached from cabinet door cause the wood was all damaged and the door just kind of fell off.  He recalled me "flipping out" and ripping the cabinet door off! I replied what the heck that is not what happened.  Of course that ignited the monster and he went crazy.  Started screaming in my face that this is what is wrong with me, I can't remember ___. Blah blah blah.  Then he drives around the car in front to get out of the drive thru like a maniac and starts driving irradically while screaming to the point his voice is cracking about how crazy I am.  

I stay calm through all of it.  Of course that only enrages him more.  He turns down some street pulls on the side and I'm sure I'm about to get my ass kicked.  :)id I mention I'm also sick with strep throat and only started to feel a little better today?  He tells me to get out so I can drive and he's walking.  So I start to get out which somehow makes him even more mad then he switches to no I'm not walking f that I'm not going to walk back then a whole bunch more of raging while he gets back on the road still driving like a maniac for a couple blocks till we hit a red light where he finally just stops just like that like he snapped out of it or something.  Then acted normal since.  I just can't deal with these crazy outbursts at all anymore which seems to almost be worse now that I don't beg or react.  It really is damn if you do damn if you don't.  I don't care now and its still a problem and when I did I cared too much.  I basically ask him to move out everyday in direct and non direct ways but yet 6 months later still here.

Is this really going to involve the police?  Am I in that much denial that it won't? He's supposedly getting a job that will provide housing... . But we all know how that goes too.  I already resent him but I'm starting to actually hate him.  So crazy how they can turn the love you have to just nothing or hate.  Quite tragic but I'm ready for my happy ending.  This is not my life nor the one I was intended to have.  Side note-My parents passed in the last couple years and I feel like they watch over me and see all of it now and it breaks my heart everyday to think how disappointed I must make them by being in this crazy crazy relationship.  

I want them to be proud and I know this breaks their heart.  It just adds to my shame.  I'm literally sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I've never met a more selfish soul.  No wonder they are such miserable people and he's making me one too!  What a lunatic to behave like that.

[Pingo]

Hi grayarea, I am so sorry for what you are going through. That must be very difficult seeing him rage like that and then turning it off like nothing happened. Are you in a position that you could leave him? Or do you own your home? I don't know where you are but you might look into what your legal rights are in your area if you are asking him to leave and he won't. He sounds quite volatile and you mentioned thinking you were going to get your a$$ kicked. Is there physical violence in the r/s? Please stay safe whichever way you go about this. Do you have support?

[Turkish]

grayarea,

It seems like this isn't getting better. Screaming in your face is violent behavior, and is easy to escalate. Do you have a safe place to go if you have to leave? Even if you don't leave, it's good in these situations to have a plan. Leaving and then coming back often escalates violent behaviors. Can you read through this info and keep us updated on how you are doing?

Safety First

TOOLS: Domestic Violence Against Women

Do you have anyone close to you that you can trust to confide in?

Turkish