Social Media, Facebook and BPD behavior

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I am interested in knowing what others' experiences have been with BPD and social media. I am two weeks NC after an 8-month relationship that was sustained mostly (but not entirely) online. Here's what I observed that strikes me as particularly unique to the ways in which a pwBPD uses social media, but this is just one person so it doesn't stand for all pwBPD. I'd like to hear from others to know what they experienced in this regard:

1. Exhibitionism; dozens upon dozens of selfies and profile photos; an enormous cache of photos of herself

2. Use of memes and quotations as a way of communicating her feelings without having to own the statements; as long as the statement was quoted, the pwBPD did not have to own these feelings even if they posted this quotations on her wall.  

3. Liking old photos of herself and other items of her own as a way of recycling this material into her FB feed; for example, she would like a photo of herself from a couple of years ago so that others would have another opportunity to see that photo. For those less familiar with FB, if you like or comment or an item, it appears in the feed of whoever is following that person.

4. Use of all multiple social media sites at all hours of the day; her use of her cellphone was constant; was notorious among her friends for never putting her phone down, ever.  Never met a social media site she didn't like or use (FB, Myspace, Pinterest, LinkedIn, Instagram were her favorites). Also, multiple instant messaging apps (Imessage, WhatsApp, FB messenger, Skype) and FaceTime.

5. Lots of pruning and editing of previous posts including liking and unliking posts. Posting and removing posts from others' walls.

6. Lots of redundant posting to multiple sites

Is any of this familiar to you? Is this unique to the pwBPD with whom I was involved?

[Dunder]

I am interested in knowing what others' experiences have been with BPD and social media. I am two weeks NC after an 8-month relationship that was sustained mostly (but not entirely) online. Here's what I observed that strikes me as particularly unique to the ways in which a pwBPD uses social media, but this is just one person so it doesn't stand for all pwBPD. I'd like to hear from others to know what they experienced in this regard:

1. Exhibitionism; dozens upon dozens of selfies and profile photos; an enormous cache of photos of herself

2. Use of memes and quotations as a way of communicating her feelings without having to own the statements; as long as the statement was quoted, the pwBPD did not have to own these feelings even if they posted this quotations on her wall.  

3. Liking old photos of herself and other items of her own as a way of recycling this material into her FB feed; for example, she would like a photo of herself from a couple of years ago so that others would have another opportunity to see that photo. For those less familiar with FB, if you like or comment or an item, it appears in the feed of whoever is following that person.

4. Use of all multiple social media sites at all hours of the day; her use of her cellphone was constant; was notorious among her friends for never putting her phone down, ever.  Never met a social media site she didn't like or use (FB, Myspace, Pinterest, LinkedIn, Instagram were her favorites). Also, multiple instant messaging apps (Imessage, WhatsApp, FB messenger, Skype) and FaceTime.

5. Lots of pruning and editing of previous posts including liking and unliking posts. Posting and removing posts from others' walls.

6. Lots of redundant posting to multiple sites

Is any of this familiar to you? Is this unique to the pwBPD with whom I was involved?

[StarOfTheSea]

Hi Dunder,

I think you'll find that your experience with your ex and social media is common among BPD's.

My exBPDbf is huge into posting on FB. 95% of his pics are selfies with just a handful of his little girl. He's now posting pics of himself and the new fiancee  . I know that she also has children but they're nowhere to be seen in the pics of those two, which I find very odd. Definitely lots of exhibitionism regarding pics.

He also has a business FB page which is just another avenue for his exhibitionism. What's funny is that most of the reviews are written by his ex gf's.

The other big draw FB holds for him is that he can stay in touch/keep tabs on his 'harem' aka his female orbiters. Most of these women are exes. In fact, I found out he was cheating on me by doing a little FB digging and finding that he was in contact with the person he's with now weeks before the b/u.

He was ALWAYS on his phone and was tweeting, FB'ing, etc. constantly.

I myself do not have FB. I'm a very private person and knowing that if I did have it he'd be looking at it creeps me out.

[.cup.car]

1. Exhibitionism; dozens upon dozens of selfies and profile photos; an enormous cache of photos of herself

4. Use of all multiple social media sites at all hours of the day; her use of her cellphone was constant; was notorious among her friends for never putting her phone down, ever.  Never met a social media site she didn't like or use (FB, Myspace, Pinterest, LinkedIn, Instagram were her favorites). Also, multiple instant messaging apps (Imessage, WhatsApp, FB messenger, Skype) and FaceTime.

5. Lots of pruning and editing of previous posts including liking and unliking posts. Posting and removing posts from others' walls.

Those three I quoted are very familiar.

1. My ex was (and still is) a gorgeous girl, but a lot of stuff showed up on Facebook that shouldn't have. Bikini pics that left nothing to the imagination. Outfits designed to be thrown on the bedroom floor five minutes later. Keep in mind she's like fifteen when this started, and it basically never stopped. When all the court stuff started and I took a peek to say if she'd been whining about me on social media, most of what I saw were a bunch of amateur boudoir shoots. What didn't appear to be taken by a professional looked like pictures you'd see on a backpage ad.

Yet, she didn't understand why so many of her classmates were blatantly hitting on her. Some of these pics - one of em was a bikini pic where you could see her ribcage (eating disorder at the time) and another one was of her in a tutu - basically everyone on her friends list jumped on her and called her certain names I can't repeat here. Got to the point where guys openly started talking about things she'd done with them after school. I didn't even bother defending her.

And the whole time, she's crying to me, "why is everybody spreading stories about me? i have to set it to appear offline because if i go online three different guys try to hit on me and its creepy." Just flat-out didn't get it.

4. She's got three facebook accounts, at least eight online dating profiles (on some sites she has two, one for being a lesbian and one for being straight) two twitter accounts, three instagram accounts, and a whole host of other stuff. When I finally took the initiative to block her on everything like the courts suggested, it took legitimate effort. I just kept finding stuff, including some of her obsessive ramblings about me I hadn't found before.

5. One year I wished her a happy birthday, just on her FB wall, as did like 30 other people. She removed mine.

[Mister Brightside]

I actually never friended her on Facebook, because I knew something wasn't right, and I didn't want to give her the power to spy on me, or to use Facebook as a weapon (this was a rather short "relationship" compared to almost all of you). But she certainly had plenty of selfies as you suggest. And when things weren't going well between her and I, she posted a passive-aggressive meme about it, according to a friend of mine who she added to Facebook.

Anyway, the main reason I'm even replying is about the amount of friends Cluster B's have on Facebook compared to the amount of people they typically hang out with on a day-to-day basis. This girl had over 1,000 Facebook friends, yet was often telling me she felt alone. I once asked her why she didn't like going to her church in her area, and her response was, "I don't know anybody." Needless to say, they definitely use social media to fill their emptiness.

[Mister Brightside]

I actually never friended her on Facebook, because I knew something wasn't right, and I didn't want to give her the power to spy on me, or to use Facebook as a weapon (this was a rather short "relationship" compared to almost all of you). But she certainly had plenty of selfies as you suggest. And when things weren't going well between her and I, she posted a passive-aggressive meme about it, according to a friend of mine who she added to Facebook.

Anyway, the main reason I'm replying is about the amount of friends Cluster B's have on Facebook compared to the amount of people they typically hang out with on a day-to-day basis. This girl had over 1,000 Facebook friends, yet was often telling me she felt alone. I once asked her why she didn't like going to her church in her area, and her response was, "I don't know anybody." Needless to say, they definitely use social media to fill their emptiness.

[Turkish]

Selfies could be attention seeking (validation). I don't get the practice, but them I'm old. Partially, it's a generational thing.

One of my friends, a female my age, noticed the increasing number of selfies my ex was posting and thought, "she's having an affair," but didn't want to suggest it to me. My friend also noticed that my ex almost always inserted herself in pics of the kids (attachment). It seems to go with an unstable self-image.

My Ex's older brother (uBPD) is always posting selfies to reflect his changing moods. Its kind of sad for a guy who's almost 40.

My Ex was also passive-aggressive in posting juvenile memes. She did it as a way to say things about me without saying them. A lot were from teen district (a 31 professional woman and mother of two... . really?). She did this while still living with me. Needless to say, I blocked her 2 months before she moved out. It took her about 2 weeks to figure out that I blocked her and it seemed like she couldn't figure out why I did when she asked. I was very tempted to comment on some of her stuff, but why bother? Sometimes the winning move is not to play.

[JRT]

Mine was none of the above actually. Although she admitted to visiting my page multiple times a day (I'm a fan of FB), she rarely posted anything on her own or even commented on a thread. Most of her activities were limited to 'liking' a post or a comment and she infrequently posted photos of herself.

[raisins3142]

When I see older women doing these things it is more of a tip off.  The younger generation has had their narcissism amped up to the point where I don't think I could tell with them. 

Mine did the meme thing also status updates for attention.

During our one mid relationship break up (13 days), she publicly implored her facebook tribe for someone to take her out to get whiskey, black out drunk.  That is very unbecoming for a 32 year old registered nurse.  It made her look desperate, alcoholic, and likely promiscuous.  All these guys from around the country were commenting how they'd love to but were not near by, etc. 

No idea why I thought getting back with her was a good idea.

[enlighten me]

I find my exgf behaviour on face book fascinating.

I have remained fb friends as it is the only way she comunicates about our son when I am away.

Here are a few things ive noticed.

Her posts increase when she feels lonely. She hardly posted when she was in the honeymoon phase of her relationship.

Her friends requests seem to go way up when she is single and I believe an increase in new friends especially male ones is a sign that she is unhappy in her relationship.

She locks fb down if she has drama. She had a run in at school where I think she had been accussed of playing around with someones boyfriend. She stopped posting and hid. In what to me was an obvious attempt to hide this from her boyfriend.

The selfies she posted seemed more in anger. A sort of look what your missing thing.

Everything posted is either over the top positive or sympathy seeking.

The biggest thing ive realised is to take it all with a pinch of salt and not to obsess over it. Theyre never as happy as they make out because when they are happy they dont need fb.

[Duder]

Mind was a fb addict. I could always tell when she had started her devaluation of me.her pics would go from pics of us to pics of only her. When we were broken up her posts were always aimed to get a rise out of me. That girl is freaking nuts

[mitatsu]

I love the whole 'im strong... .my path is never... .the sun shines... .or Dali Larma quotes'... .who are they trying to kid? FACEBOOK... .making the dis-ordered normal since 2006

[raisins3142]

I love the whole 'im strong... .my path is never... .the sun shines... .or Dali Larma quotes'... .who are they trying to kid? FACEBOOK... .making the dis-ordered normal since 2006

Fast food, bumper sticker philosophy.