I spent 18 years with my now 62 year old uBPDexbf. He stormed out in December and into the arms of a 23 year old. How do I get past wondering what the hell is wrong with me for staying with him for 18 years?
I am not saying this is "you" but what I am saying is what *I* have seen / experienced.
People stay in bad relationships because they don't want to be alone.
People stay in abusive relationships because they are abused, and feel like they have to stay; for a host of reasons.
"For the kids"
"It's the right thing to do"
"It's not _____ fault"
"I am 50% of this"
"I am honoring my vows".
And the list goes on.
At the end of the day, and abused man/woman will make up excuses for staying because that is how the abuser has them programmed.
I was just talking to a young lady I work with a couple of nights ago, and told her:
I have ALWAYS preached it's better to be alone, than in a bad relationship... .and was shoulders high in abuse... .man did *I* look like an idiot when I said that... .anyway... .it's better to be alone, than in a bad relationship.
Now that I am 10 months post divorce, YES it is better to be alone than with a monster BUT "the habit" of having even a monster around is still there. After 25 years, that habit will not break fast unless I practice changing my thoughts, and put something GOOD in it's place.
Right now I am house hunting in Fla (I live in IN) and am planning to move in a couple months to start a new chapter of my Life!
It took me a long time to get where I am... .and I still have so far to go.
But it's a marathon, not a sprint.
I will get there.
I am strong, I am a fighter, I will be Victorious!
