Why does the leftover bill bother me?

[Sunfl0wer]

This feels like a stupid complaint, however, here goes... .

He got a new place and left.  However, he did not switch the electric in my name.  I assumed he just felt like paying it.  I actually thought it was dumb of him, as I wouldn't pay someone else's electric, however, I figured he was fulfilling his "need" to leave the r/s with Mr. Good Guy title.

I actually think that he was expecting to pay it, as it was always "his bill" , however, when he was here this wk with his friend getting things, either his friend mentioned it and made him feel dumb or he didn't get enough engagement from me, and used this to engage.  Or a combo.

So he lets me know that he was not living here 13 days of the total month on the bill.  And asks, "How do you want to handle this?"  (As if there are options... .to bait me into being "the bad one"

Well of course I will pay the bill, I used electricity all by myself those days, so that is what is fair to me.

So why the heck is this irking me?

Something about it doesn't make sense... .feels like a mind game of sorts.  I feel like he held onto this conversation on purpose.  I now wonder what other necessary "unresolved" issues will surface. 

[going places]

This feels like a stupid complaint, however, here goes... .

He got a new place and left.  However, he did not switch the electric in my name.  I assumed he just felt like paying it.  I actually thought it was dumb of him, as I wouldn't pay someone else's electric, however, I figured he was fulfilling his "need" to leave the r/s with Mr. Good Guy title.

I actually think that he was expecting to pay it, as it was always "his bill" , however, when he was here this wk with his friend getting things, either his friend mentioned it and made him feel dumb or he didn't get enough engagement from me, and used this to engage.  Or a combo.

So he lets me know that he was not living here 13 days of the total month on the bill.  And asks, "How do you want to handle this?"  (As if there are options... .to bait me into being "the bad one"

Well of course I will pay the bill, I used electricity all by myself those days, so that is what is fair to me.

So why the heck is this irking me?

Something about it doesn't make sense... .feels like a mind game of sorts.  I feel like he held onto this conversation on purpose.  I now wonder what other necessary "unresolved" issues will surface. 

Yes, IMHO, he saved this to 'hurt' you some more.

This was a JAB.

This was a stab at you, while he was on stage (a witness present).

This was one more way to 'kick you' while you are down, one more way to exert his power over you.

Yes, he was trying to get a rise.

That's how he owns you/controls you.

You were perfect!

Go with your gut... .you are spot on right and you handled it BEAUTIFULLY

[Sunfl0wer]

I guess I felt stupid because it feels like... .

For me to even think this is a mind game, makes me feel crazy to think.

It is simply him asking for electricity money.

But can you see that there was more to it?  (By the way he went about it?)

[ReclaimingMyLife]

Of course there is no way for me to know what he was thinking or doing, and indeed you would have a much more informed opinion on what he was likely doing.  It surely could have been an intentional jab or a mindf^&*.  For sure.  Again,you know him.

But one of the things I think is tricky and risky for us is seeing EVERYTHING through the mindf^&* lens.  It could be that.  And, indeed if it is, that hurts and that sucks and I could see why you'd be upset.  Could be further confirmation that this is not who you want to spend your life with. 

But it could be that he was stating the facts, that he hadn't used 13 days worth of electricity, and asking how you wanted to handle it?  Could be as simple as that (which may also hurt that it has come to this... .just business matters with nothing else left).   

Since there is no way to know for sure, I would pick whatever interpretation is of most service to you.  Which one is more helpful to you, your recovery, your healing and moving on?  To your feeling good about yourself (b/c you are lovely!)?   

Maybe seeing it as another example of his questionable behavior is helpful because it keeps you firmly rooted in the b/u.  Or maybe seeing it as not personal but just business is more helpful.  Either way, I would go with the one that brings YOU more peace!

That said, sorry it happened/  This can be so not-freaking-fun!

[Gonzalo]

MY ex- sent me a question about whether I had some tax documents of hers PURELY COINCIDENTALLY on my birthday. If I look at it from a certain perspective, it was probably some kind of probe or mind game thing - but viewing it that way just leads to me being bothered by it. Instead I decided to treat it like a coincidence, double-checked that I had sent her mail to her, and moved on.

I would just treat it like everything he says is genuine, and that he was puzzled by the bill, and not dwell on what it could mean or what he hoped to gain. Sometimes feelings can create facts for people who don't have a disorder (which you can use to your advanntage), and sometimes pwBPDs are childishly clueless about what they're doing and really don't have a plan.