Just need some help today--separated from BPD mom for 7 months

[Only Child]

It's been almost 7 months since I had to make the last separation from my BPD mother.  Going through some really heartbreaking and difficult times.  FOG has hit, which I guess is what causes me to feel remorse, anxiety and depression.  I know it's the best thing for both of us--she is now 93, I am age 65.  She has only gotten worse in her symptoms, and I have only gotten less and less able to deal with her.  I have never been able to handle her, and have had to make many short-term separations, especially in the last few years.  I was hoping this would be the final separation.  Because every time I go back (from her manipulations, or my own FOG) it's only the same, if not worse.  Just need help today and support.  I have no other family or friends.  Neither does she, so that makes it extra hard, as her only adult child.   Just need some kind words that this is probably the best and only option.  Nothing ever changes with us.

[oceaneyes]

Hi Only Child,

I can relate to a lot of what you've said—especially about being in the FOG. I'm also an only child, my mother has no brothers or sisters, she was adopted and her parents (my grandparents) have all since passed. Throughout my life she would remind me that I was the "only blood" she has, so I feel a lot of pressure to be there for her but unfortunately, I just can't help her. I'm 29 and my mother is in her 50's, and I've only recently begun to understand her illness, but I really fear when she gets older, like your mother is, that the guilt will really start to sink in. I'm currently in very limited contact with her.

I read a really good article pertaining to this recently, that might help validate your feelings, I'll post it below. It's an opinion piece, but it was the first thing I read that made me feel like maybe I wasn't crazy and that my mother might be really sick.

www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2013/02/abusive_parents_what_do_grown_children_owe_the_mothers_and_fathers_who_made.html

I hope you find peace.

[Tim300]

We all understand here.  You are not alone.  You should not feel guilty.  There is little you can do, and if you try to help that might only make things worse.  Sometimes the best route for everyone is to be separated. 

[Only Child]

appreciate the very quick responses, especially as I feel I am in a state of emergency with this bout of FOG (it feels like a "red alert", this time).  Thanks for your responses very much and also for the article, which I'm reading now and is very apropos... .the time between my birthday in April and Mother's Day is always extra difficult during NC.