Few questions I needed to vent

[DestroyedKnight]

Been sitting here today going back over some of the conversations after my udpwBPDexgf split with me and I have a few questions that I am hoping somebody can help me with.

1.Main thing that really resonates with me is my ex told me after splitting with me was that she told me a few times in our private moments and away from social media and all her enablers that I wasn't as bad as she was making out.So why does she continue to keep up the pretense that I was a complete and utter ass to her when that is so far from the truth it is unreal? but yet she is posting quotes like "There were things I wanted to tell him but I knew they would hurt him so I buried them and let them hurt me".Now I have seen her posting this quote on whatsapp as well as all sorts of memes and quotes directed to get to me but I haven't responded to any of it because I felt it was a game considering I was on my hands and knees months ago in tears begging and pleading with her like a dog whilst she stood there looking at me with no emotion in her eyes at all.

2.She also said these 2 things that will stay with me for a long time "I want to be able to get to a place where I can tell you I love you again" and "one of the main reasons we are not together is so you can be happy,well me mainly" I really do not understand these statements.

3.I believe now I am at a better place overall since the split 6-7 months ago but I also feel like we have hit a stalemate.I get the feeling she is trying to reach out to me indirectly.Posting 2 songs on her facebook recently,a great big world and christina aguilera say something-now this song I played to death when she left me and she knows it now she is posting it on her fb wall? There has been a fair few songs she has posted recently that lead me to believe they are aimed at me but I keep telling myself to stop ruminating because they could be about anybody

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qg8c-nbZvzw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfihYWRWRTQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suPlYwJ3YvM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwbcQNjhEJc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wy9vBahaMCw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UWgRwVRbxc   (think this was when she was pissed at me)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UtkU5CGpBHQ

The list could go on and on and I realise I could be speculating far too much but these songs she has posted seem to be screaming messages at me and all the quotes and memes she puts on her whatsapp knowing I can see them.

I am dying to go round to her house and put my arms around her right this minute and risk being arrested,scrap that no I am not! Love this girl more than anything but there is nothing more I can do arrrggghhh this is killing me 

Currently in NC with her which was my own choice and I am moving on with a new girl and like I mentioned in another post she had taken to mocking my new girl and calling her names but I haven't reacted to any of it.I am at the feeling sorry stage for my ex now and I pity her that she is in denial.Yes I believe she loves me but not the kind of love I always hoped she had for me

[vortex of confusion]

 

Do not get caught up in her games! That is precisely what it is. It is a game.

I don't know anything about your ex but I had the displeasure of having a friend/lover that would do stuff like that. He would post these quotes that seemed like they were targeted at me. He and I are both married so a lot of times I would ignore it and pass it off as being about his wife. In hindsight, I think he had a bunch of different women that he was involved with at different times. I saw him post a couple of songs that he posted when we met. He would post them and I would think, "Awe, how sweet but then when I would say something about it, he acted like he didn't know what I was talking about." If you are 6 or 7 months out, it is quite possible that she isn't even thinking of you and is instead thinking about somebody else entirely.

[DestroyedKnight]

 

Do not get caught up in her games! That is precisely what it is. It is a game.

I don't know anything about your ex but I had the displeasure of having a friend/lover that would do stuff like that. He would post these quotes that seemed like they were targeted at me. He and I are both married so a lot of times I would ignore it and pass it off as being about his wife. In hindsight, I think he had a bunch of different women that he was involved with at different times. I saw him post a couple of songs that he posted when we met. He would post them and I would think, "Awe, how sweet but then when I would say something about it, he acted like he didn't know what I was talking about." If you are 6 or 7 months out, it is quite possible that she isn't even thinking of you and is instead thinking about somebody else entirely.

Yeah exactly what I thought vortex.She posted 2 more quotes that looked designed for me tonight 'sometimes I am in a bad mood and get really mad but then only you know how to make everything alright.That is one more reason I love you'

and 'I am not sure which is worse,missing you or the fact there is nothing I can do about it'. Now I know these are aimed at me and part of me is sitting here going awww how sweet like you did but then there is also that part of me that is now saying run along and go and play with someone else,you had plenty of chances when I was down on my knees begging you,holding my hand out to you to get you help but you stabbed me in the heart!.

And another reason I know it is directed at me is this. She posted another quote on fb saying 'anybody can make me laugh but only special people know how to make me happy' so to test the water I put my status on whatsapp as 'I must be special needs then ' 5 minutes later one of her enablers commented on the post saying 'yeah or people with special needs' and she said 'well I wasn't going to say anything but... .'

Immature mind games I am best away from I feel

[vortex of confusion]

Ignore it! Don't get sucked into the games. If she wants a mature relationship, then she can act like an adult and contact you directly instead of playing passive aggressive little games.

[DestroyedKnight]

Ignore it! Don't get sucked into the games. If she wants a mature relationship, then she can act like an adult and contact you directly instead of playing passive aggressive little games.

Or she can continue to play these games until she gets bored or gets the message that I am not playing anymore and she will find a new victim.She keeps claiming she has found one but so far all I see is a lot of made up nonsense on her fb (lies) to hurt me and now I am holding my ground and seeing them for what it is.

Oh I do love this forum,no idea where I would be if I hadn't googled BPD one dark night when I was at my lowest

[Svarl1]

I don't use or know about FB myself ,  but if you are in NC by your own choice then why are you even reading her page?

Seems to me like you are asking to be wound up, or am I being totally naive?

[DestroyedKnight]

I don't use or know about FB myself ,  but if you are in NC by your own choice then why are you even reading her page?

Seems to me like you are asking to be wound up, or am I being totally naive?

No you're not being naive at all .You make a valid point,I am in nc apart from having to deal with anything related to our children.I know I need to cut out not looking at her fb or her whatsapp I really do and I am trying to stop it but I am finding it so damn difficult right now

[vortex of confusion]

I don't use or know about FB myself ,  but if you are in NC by your own choice then why are you even reading her page?

Seems to me like you are asking to be wound up, or am I being totally naive?

No you're not being naive at all .You make a valid point,I am in nc apart from having to deal with anything related to our children.I know I need to cut out not looking at her fb or her whatsapp I really do and I am trying to stop it but I am finding it so damn difficult right now

That is why there is a block button. 

Or, does she use FB as a way to post pictures of the kids and let you know about the children in a round about sort of way to keep you going back?

[DestroyedKnight]

I don't use or know about FB myself ,  but if you are in NC by your own choice then why are you even reading her page?

Seems to me like you are asking to be wound up, or am I being totally naive?

No you're not being naive at all .You make a valid point,I am in nc apart from having to deal with anything related to our children.I know I need to cut out not looking at her fb or her whatsapp I really do and I am trying to stop it but I am finding it so damn difficult right now

That is why there is a block button. 

Or, does she use FB as a way to post pictures of the kids and let you know about the children in a round about sort of way to keep you going back?

She posts photos of the kids especially ones I have not seen before and everything she posts is posted as public.So whilst I may be looking at a recent photo of my daughter she will strategically post a quote like over thinking ruins you,ruins the situation,twists things around,makes you worry and just makes everything much worse than it actually is.So obviously it gets me thinking and it is driving me round the bend.

Or she will comment on a post that she is so far from normal that she has gone back to normal and she would do it all again. But at least I have come to the conclusion now that I am dealing with someone who is soo immature and emotionally all over the place things could never be the same again.I know she loves me but that will never be enough.

She said to me the other day with a smile on her face "you'll be happy about this" I said "what?" "well I have finished with this guy Craig because it turns out he wasn't who he said he was and he was using false photos of himself" I said I wasn't happy that she was hurt by him but I thought hmmm where have I come across this before?

[vortex of confusion]

She posts photos of the kids especially ones I have not seen before and everything she posts is posted as public.So whilst I may be looking at a recent photo of my daughter she will strategically post a quote like over thinking ruins you,ruins the situation,twists things around,makes you worry and just makes everything much worse than it actually is.So obviously it gets me thinking and it is driving me round the bend.

Is there any way that you could encourage her to make the pictures of the kids available to friends only? I know it sounds a bit paranoid but I think all photos of kids should be limited as to who can see them on FB. I know that isn't related to the topic but that would be a real concern for me.

Or she will comment on a post that she is so far from normal that she has gone back to normal and she would do it all again. But at least I have come to the conclusion now that I am dealing with someone who is soo immature and emotionally all over the place things could never be the same again.I know she loves me but that will never be enough.

Love as a feeling will never be enough. In order for love to be enough, it needs to be an action verb that is chosen on a daily basis. Or something like that.  I used to post stuff like that and I used to get sucked into that kind of thing all of the time. It is so easy to get sucked in. Don't do it because you will just be feeding the beast.

[DestroyedKnight]

She posts photos of the kids especially ones I have not seen before and everything she posts is posted as public.So whilst I may be looking at a recent photo of my daughter she will strategically post a quote like over thinking ruins you,ruins the situation,twists things around,makes you worry and just makes everything much worse than it actually is.So obviously it gets me thinking and it is driving me round the bend.

Is there any way that you could encourage her to make the pictures of the kids available to friends only? I know it sounds a bit paranoid but I think all photos of kids should be limited as to who can see them on FB. I know that isn't related to the topic but that would be a real concern for me.

Or she will comment on a post that she is so far from normal that she has gone back to normal and she would do it all again. But at least I have come to the conclusion now that I am dealing with someone who is soo immature and emotionally all over the place things could never be the same again.I know she loves me but that will never be enough.

Love as a feeling will never be enough. In order for love to be enough, it needs to be an action verb that is chosen on a daily basis. Or something like that.  I used to post stuff like that and I used to get sucked into that kind of thing all of the time. It is so easy to get sucked in. Don't do it because you will just be feeding the beast.

I agree Vortex she should be posting the photos between friends or maybe even not at all.When she was spouting her crap about me all over the internet I did shout at her and asked her to have some respect for me and stop it and she seemed to take notice for a short while but then carried on again .

She updated her whatsapp status earlier on today with 'I will never ever regret you or say I wish I never met you because at the time you were exactly what I needed' awww how nice.Yeah I was just a stop gap to vill in your emotional void for 9 years and that was all I ever was to you.

She even said to me a couple of days ago that I helped her so much and with the age difference (myself 35 and her 27) she had to grow up quickly and be mature.Ah well she can go back to being a child now

[shatterd]

hey team, i have a thought, i too get this all the time, phone signatures are her biggest thing? game yes i agree full hartidly, however sometimes its not us there trying suck in, after all there pain is about sevrsal ppl and things, there future and there past right? Right, so ya they wood love to suck into the game but they realy want is ANY sucker to bite, not just us. i have seen this happen and have ben warnd by others of this sort of thing, so yes steer clear from anydoing this expeacilay our EXS  you know what your getting intoo

[DestroyedKnight]

hey team, i have a thought, i too get this all the time, phone signatures are her biggest thing? game yes i agree full hartidly, however sometimes its not us there trying suck in, after all there pain is about sevrsal ppl and things, there future and there past right? Right, so ya they wood love to suck into the game but they realy want is ANY sucker to bite, not just us. i have seen this happen and have ben warnd by others of this sort of thing, so yes steer clear from anydoing this expeacilay our EXS  you know what your getting intoo

Very good observation indeed Shatterd.I agree I don't believe I am that special that all these love quotes are designed for purely me alone . She has probably gone through the whole list of exes trying to get one to bite.Although alot of the stuff she posts she knows I can see it or she will post something on whatsapp to try and steer me towards her facebook to have a look at what she has put on there but I don't play the game anymore.

I believe from what I have experienced so far is that she knows she has made a mistake and I know she loves me but to get back with me is too shameful for her.I can see it in her eyes,she knows she has hurt me so badly and is ashamed.I will never forget the tears streaming down her face when I said I forgave her and I know she can't help how she has been with me and I hugged her but that didn't stop her from then going on a disgusting campaign of hate against me after this event

[shatterd]

hey man  at least urs cryd, in front of showing shame or remorse or something. most of us here were left standing here empty, ours couldent even face us or even told the truth if they tryd.

[DestroyedKnight]

hey man  at least urs cryd, in front of showing shame or remorse or something. most of us here were left standing here empty, ours couldent even face us or even told the truth if they tryd.

Very brief moment of guilt she had in the whole process mate before she went on another tirade of abuse.Actually come to think of it I had a couple of moments like that,another when she kissed me passionately whilst putting her hand on my stomach and told me she would always love me but her actions after that did not back up her words.

I got a half hearted "I am sorry" off her which quite frankly was very lame and also "I could have handled things differently" no ___ sherlock

[shatterd]

just sayin guy   it all sux 

[DestroyedKnight]

just sayin guy   it all sux 

It certainly does mate.If I could go back in time with the knowledge I have now I would still have her and the 9 years and our children but I would be armed and prepared.Nothing ever prepared me for this but day by day I just keep telling myself it was all an illusion,one big fat lie,maybe she loved me,maybe not but she is not capable of loving herself so how can she love anybody? truth is she can't and she will suffer with this for the rest of her life whereas we will grow and learn and meet a new wonderful partner who deserves the love we have to give . Have faith.I love my ex so much but nothing will ever be enough for her so I must continue to walk away and carry on with my life

[shatterd]

i couldnt have said it any better,   :'( mine was 8yrs and 3 kids very long road of issues evry step of the way