Hello everyone. I'm new here, been learning ALOT in the past week since reading Stop Walking on Eggshells, and I'm so grateful to have this resource for help/advice. Thank you all!
I've been with my husband for 17 years. Moved in together after 3 months, and after 7 months, he gave me a black eye. I rationalized this by accepting from him that it was an accident, after all, he didn't "hit" me, he simply poked his finger in my eye, by accident, while he was pointing his finger in my face. How does that happen, right? A terrible accident. And, of course, he was very remorseful. It was then when I learned all about his horrible childhood (which it was) and a domestic abuse in his past. There's been 4 instances of shoving and 1 slap on the head since. Last time was at least 7 years ago. He has been/tried to be in physical altercations with others numerous times. And there is a pattern to his behavior. It seems every few months he needs to "vent", and whoever is in the way, gets it. For instance, the landlord came over to mow the grass without telling us and my husband freaked! He parked the car VERY erratically (I was actually scared), ran right up to this 73 year old man, and proceeded to scream, cuss, spit, 2 inches from his face. I'm hoping that everyone here can relate to the vicious, vile, even... .demonic... .nature of these outbursts that I'm trying to convey. This situation is actually what prompted me to start my research and how I came to "personality disorders" and my eyes have been opened. In all honesty, I'm slightly overwhelmed. I'm 90-95 % sure that I'm ready to leave, I'm just not quite sure how. We have 2 kids, 18 (mine) and 12 (ours) that have been protected from his horrible behavior all these years, so I'm scared of any affects on them from not understanding "why". But I'm terrified of how they are being raised more than anything now. He speaks very negatively about therapy, so I just don't see that happening. I guess I need help on how to tell the kids. Thank you all.
I'm so sorry you've been going through this. That must be really scary, especially now that you've figured out some of the possible sources of the behaviour.
BPD or not, there isn't any justification for violence.
Have you considered therapy for yourself or your kids? Do you see them as well-adjusted or have they been having issues?
Definitely start with the lessons on the left. There are plenty us who have gone through exactly the same situations, so regardless of your decision, definitely keep posting, reading, and please take care of yourself. You owe yourself that much.
I've been in the car with my pwBPD before where his rage while driving seriously scared me. He has issues finding constructive ways to vent when he has intense emotional triggers and rages.
Hang in there. You're not alone. Internet hugs
