Detaching

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

It's an incredibly long, lonely process to detach from someone you thought would be in your life for the long haul.  I am starting to feel an incredible wave of loneliness come over me as I continue the no contact process.

Day 15... .

[newtothis28]

It's an incredibly long, lonely process to detach from someone you thought would be in your life for the long haul.  I am starting to feel an incredible wave of loneliness come over me as I continue the no contact process.

Day 15... .

[Mike-X]

It's an incredibly long, lonely process to detach from someone you thought would be in your life for the long haul.  I am starting to feel an incredible wave of loneliness come over me as I continue the no contact process.

Day 15... .

I have experienced the waves of loneliness too. However, are things getting better? Has the frequency and intensity changed? What are you doing for your mental and physical health while you have this time away from the relationship?

[Mike-X]

Also, how comfortable are you doing things by yourself? Have you thought about self-love and -compassion?

[ReclaimingMyLife]

I hear you,  new to this.   Congrats on day #15.   You are fighting the good fight.   But detaching is so hard.   It sucks almost no matter what b/c:

1)  My "relationship revisionist" self takes over and remembers all the good stuff and fun we actually had.  Along with the hopes and dreams we had for the future.  This feels bad.

2)  My "bedevilment" self takes over and remembers all the lying,  stealing,  raging,  manipulating.  The ways I felt used by him and the ways I let myself be used by him.  This also feels bad.

3)  My "I can do this on my own" self steps in and remembers why I am on my own.   The inevitable relief and my growing self-respect show up.   For a moment I feel better.   But then,  even if I want this b/u and even if I chose it (tho it doesn't feel like much of a choice b/c it is just the lesser of two evils), I remember “I am alone. "  Which may or may not be abt me wanting my ex in particular but just that I don't want to be alone.   This feels bad.     

Kinda seems that most of my thoughts lead me to feeling bad.   What a kicker.   I know it will get better.   And I know that as bad as detaching feels, it is TEMPORARY.   Marrying the guy would have been a LIFETIME of hell.   So the Detaching bad is better.   But it still feels bad! 

Hang in there and remember that while feeling bad may seem inevitable,  it does not mean we are doing the wrong thing.   This is,  we are, the fight worth fighting!

[FannyB]

You're doing just fine. It's hard - but it's working. You're going 'cold turkey' from a highly addictive relationship and it's a long haul. Distract yourself anyway possible - just remember though that if you do cave in, a return to idealization is likely to be very fleeting and followed by a shed load of pain.  :'( Stay strong girl!