I'm a few months removed from the breakup, and I'm generally doing well, but every so often I have days that are very emotional. Today was one of those days ha. I had the thought I had, but it was just a thought. I truly wish her well in her future relationships. It was a difficult relationship, and one in which I don't think I was treated with enough respect, but I definitely still miss it and her sometimes. It's not rational, but it's not unmanageable either.
Thanks for the reply. I am in a similar pattern. I am about 5 months post her moving out. There was a little over a month after she moved out where we continued communicating and saw each other about every over day or sometimes more, still filled with dysregulation but more passive-aggressive (significantly lower in frequency and intensity than the rages when we lived together) and a little manic with big ideas and plans but no follow through. Then she basically went no contact. After her not responding to a few emails, I assumed that she was in a state where she wanted to be left alone, so I decided to go low contact (just leaving communication lines open to her and responding if she contacts me; a decision and story for another thread... .)
The daily anxiety and depression have passed, but I still have moments and days that are very tough. I think that there are triggers for those moments and days. If I accept and embrace that I am just missing her, it seems to pass pretty quickly, though not always (maybe that is when I am still fighting at some level). But I feel soo much better compared to the how I felt prior to and just after she moved out, and I feel better pretty much every day, clearer and with less worry about who I am and the relationship.
I definitely owe a lot of that to the members of these boards! Many thanks to all of you for sharing you stories, wisdom, and time.
