What does a typical breakup look like...

[dagwoodbowser]

As I read the posts  I know there's a handful of survivors here that are Recycle Boomerangs like myself. I had 5, but only count 4 because one lasted al of 3 days?

I also see vast majority of posters here that are Lucky enough to have landed here after first b/u.

[Skip]

As I read the posts  I know there's a handful of survivors here that are Recycle Boomerangs like myself. I had 5, but only count 4 because one lasted al of 3 days?

I also see vast majority of posters here that are Lucky enough to have landed here after first b/u.

72% of members had 3 or more breakups

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=120215

[dagwoodbowser]

72% of members had 3 or more breakups

That's pretty amazing. My brief snapshot in 40+ days would have thought it was less.

I would imagine the stats being the majority of B/U's initiated by BPD with the Recycling

being brought to halt by Non with N/C?

[Skip]

72% of members had 3 or more breakups

That's pretty amazing. My brief snapshot in 40+ days would have thought it was less.

I would imagine the stats being the majority of B/U's initiated by BPD with the Recycling

being brought to halt by Non with N/C?

Actually not.  The end comes 70% of the time from the person with BPD.  

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=120215.0

No contact is a relatively small role in ending incoming BPD contact because there is not a lot of it and only 13% is about rekindling the relationship.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=102678.110

More often it is our members using NC on themselves to stop pursuing an ex who has ended or self-sabotaged the relationship.

All these studies are in the Leaving Board archives.

[Agent_of_Chaos]

As I read the posts  I know there's a handful of survivors here that are Recycle Boomerangs like myself. I had 5, but only count 4 because one lasted al of 3 days?

I also see vast majority of posters here that are Lucky enough to have landed here after first b/u.

I was recycled 3 hours after our initial break up . I just didn't realize it until I stumbled on this site. We lasted 30 days. Initially she said her feelings had changed and 3 hrs later, when she wanted to reconcile, I asked her why she said that. Her response? I was being stupid and I was confused. Internally I questioned myself and even said... .that's not frikkiNg normal. I was totally perplexed.

[Beach_Babe]

My final recycle involved severe restrictions on contact (i.e: facebook still blocked,  text only no phone calls) and lasted 24 hours. The last 5 of which I was devalued.

[dagwoodbowser]

I asked her why she said that. Her response? I was being stupid and I was confused. Internally I questioned myself and even said... .that's not frikkiNg normal. I was totally perplexed.

My X couldn't really verbalize why she had broken up with me the first few times. Almost a shrugging of shoulders... ."I had this gut feeling you were going to do something bad." I was like Huh? This very last time it was totally due to my applying pressure on her to keeping her promises and boundaries. She was ticked off. I allowed her and myself to be controlled by her wants, needs, time schedules, all me... .me... .me. I had allowed that genie out of the bottle the first few years and it was impossible to put back in especially with someone that has the maturity of a temper throwing 4 year old.

[zundertowz]

I had 2 break ups and the third time I pretty much gave up and came to my senses.  Im pretty sure I could have continued the relationship but things got so bad I would have been completly degrading myself by taking all the blame for her insane actions.  The first 2 times I pretty much took all the blame for my reaction to her behaviour which really leed to nothing more than giving her more power to degrade me.  After the first break up it's pretty much a fait accompli.  Things very rarely get better it's only downhill after the first break up.  If I would have went back I'm pretty sure id be in jail or homeless by now.  All of the break ups included threats of police, smearing me to friends and family on facebook, and verbal and physical abuse.  3 year live in relationship... .a little over 30 days no contact.

[JRT]

I asked her why she said that. Her response? I was being stupid and I was confused. Internally I questioned myself and even said... .that's not frikkiNg normal. I was totally perplexed.

My X couldn't really verbalize why she had broken up with me the first few times. Almost a shrugging of shoulders... ."I had this gut feeling you were going to do something bad." I was like Huh? This very last time it was totally due to my applying pressure on her to keeping her promises and boundaries. She was ticked off. I allowed her and myself to be controlled by her wants, needs, time schedules, all me... .me... .me. I had allowed that genie out of the bottle the first few years and it was impossible to put back in especially with someone that has the maturity of a temper throwing 4 year old.

WOW! I can really relate. My exBPD fiance did the same thing. On her return, there was typically an argument and she would attempt to draw me in. She would insist that 'because you are this, you then think this then you are going to do this, and blah, blah, blah'. It was so illogical and confusing that mere hours after the fact, neither of us knew the core reason that we had broken up in the first place and simply referred to it going forward as a 'misunderstanding'.     She would always sigh and admit that she 'needed to see someone'... .I shrugged it off and told her we would make it through together. Beyond that, all of the recycles were swept under the rug never to be discussed again.

[sbr1050]

I had tried leaving my uBPDexbf.  He could and would not accept it.  He was hysterical, would show up at my door at midnight, pounding on doors and windows. For months. If and when I let him in, he was a wreck, shaking, crying, physically a mess, begging me not to give up, begging for me to just let him sleep next to me one more time.  He could also fly into rages within minutes but usually ended up in the hysterical state again afterwards.  I ended up taking him back and we went thru the same patterns all over again.

In December, he flew off the handle when I said something he didn't like (completely out of proportion), called me a ___ing B*&ch, said he was afraid of me and stormed out.  Came back the next day, with the same comments and I calmly told him it that if that is what he thinks, it should be easy for him to leave.  He stormed out and I never heard from him again (granted, he probably knew he could walk right into the arms of the 23 year old).

Is it typical for a pwBPD to have to be the dumper vs. the dumpee?  Recently, I had reached out to him via text to congratulate him on his new grandbaby and the response was so unfriendly and cold, that no one would have believed me about his behavior 1.5 years earlier.

[Jack2727]

Mine has been slightly different because I have not been recycled yet.

I never really know the truth but it seems that she has done this to other guys before. She goes through patterns of strong fear of engulfment when anyone gets to close, totally destroys the relationship, and then cyberstalks and pines over the guy she has broken up with.

If she had been honest to me, it seems that she never reinitiates with those who she has broken up with unless they reach out to her. That is what I suppose happened to me.

I've been NC since Jan 3.

To answer your question, the typical breakup is usually sudden, painful and without any remorse. It kind of like someone flips a switch but I could clearly see for sometime she was looking for a way out. What I remember most about her demeanor after we broke up is how she was so eager to sever all contact with me. Remember, I had basically lived with her for 6 1/2 months. Maybe she didn't want to be with me at all? Who knows! I have decided not to try to rationalize it anymore. My advice to all of you is be able to read the signs and get far, far, away before you become emotionally attached. Because once the virus gets into your system it is hard as hell to get out.