Trying to stay strong

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi all.

I've posted a few times here and have really gotten a lot of help. If, for nothing else, it's a great place to vent 

Long story short, I broke up with my BPDx about 6 months ago. I heard from her a few times since, but recently, I received several emails. After thinking long (very, very long) about it, I decided to put an end to it, once and for all, and tell her what I needed for closure. Now, when we first broke up, 6 months ago, I told her then that the counselor we had been seeing had diagnosed her with BPD. Or at least thought she was. Obviously, she didn't take to this too well, and I thought it was perhaps because of it being said in anger, rather than caring. After reading about BPD's, I know there's no rationalizing with them. Most, anyways. But, for my own piece of mind and my closure, I sent her a sweet email telling her that I needed closure and that I really hoped that she'd get help for her condition. I posted her response in another thread, but here it is for info sake

>>I hope you now have the closure that you're looking for and can move on with the confidence that you've done and said everything that you felt was necessary.

I hope you find peace in knowing that I've sought the advise of THREE therapist. The first bc I was very frightened by the diagnosis AND the fact that it was kept from me. Not just by you but by a professional that "I personally" was paying to treat me. The second was a second opinion at the advise of the first therapist and the third was the therapist that I saw for YEARS who is now retired but was so outraged by the diagnosis that she agreed to meet with all of us. All three are in STRONG agreement that I do NOT have BPD and have STRONGLY advised me to hire an attorney and to cut off ties with you completely.

Hope this puts your mind at ease... .<<

That was this past Friday and it did help me start the recovery. I was hoping it was over. However, she emailed me again, about an hour ago. I blocked her email, but she used another I wasn't aware of. I haven't read it.

In my head, I know there's nothing in there for me to read. It'll only cause more pain and I'm afraid I'll be right back at square one. But, I'm battling myself. My head and heart are squaring off in a battle royale and I'm afraid that my head will tap out.

Any advice?

[Irish Pride]

Hi all.

I've posted a few times here and have really gotten a lot of help. If, for nothing else, it's a great place to vent 

Long story short, I broke up with my BPDx about 6 months ago. I heard from her a few times since, but recently, I received several emails. After thinking long (very, very long) about it, I decided to put an end to it, once and for all, and tell her what I needed for closure. Now, when we first broke up, 6 months ago, I told her then that the counselor we had been seeing had diagnosed her with BPD. Or at least thought she was. Obviously, she didn't take to this too well, and I thought it was perhaps because of it being said in anger, rather than caring. After reading about BPD's, I know there's no rationalizing with them. Most, anyways. But, for my own piece of mind and my closure, I sent her a sweet email telling her that I needed closure and that I really hoped that she'd get help for her condition. I posted her response in another thread, but here it is for info sake

>>I hope you now have the closure that you're looking for and can move on with the confidence that you've done and said everything that you felt was necessary.

I hope you find peace in knowing that I've sought the advise of THREE therapist. The first bc I was very frightened by the diagnosis AND the fact that it was kept from me. Not just by you but by a professional that "I personally" was paying to treat me. The second was a second opinion at the advise of the first therapist and the third was the therapist that I saw for YEARS who is now retired but was so outraged by the diagnosis that she agreed to meet with all of us. All three are in STRONG agreement that I do NOT have BPD and have STRONGLY advised me to hire an attorney and to cut off ties with you completely.

Hope this puts your mind at ease... .<<

That was this past Friday and it did help me start the recovery. I was hoping it was over. However, she emailed me again, about an hour ago. I blocked her email, but she used another I wasn't aware of. I haven't read it.

In my head, I know there's nothing in there for me to read. It'll only cause more pain and I'm afraid I'll be right back at square one. But, I'm battling myself. My head and heart are squaring off in a battle royale and I'm afraid that my head will tap out.

Any advice?

[Mike-X]

What are your concerns about looking at it compared to your concerns about not looking at it?

Can you help me to understand your feelings about sending the closure email and receiving her reply helping with the recovery process?

[Irish Pride]

What are your concerns about looking at it compared to your concerns about not looking at it?

Can you help me to understand your feelings about sending the closure email and receiving her reply helping with the recovery process?

Hi Mike.

My concerns are too many to list. I guess the main ones are... .

1. She's very pissed and volatile. I don't see how this would be conductive to my moving forward.

2. She's had time to think, she's repentant and she wants help. Being the type of person I am, it'd be VERY difficult to say no this this request.

3. It's some smartass, in my face type of email, just to provoke me.

My head is telling me that, no matter what scenario, there's nothing that'll help me. My heart is telling me that, what if she came to some sort of realization and desperately wants help?

As far as the closure email, I guess my biggest thing was that I did everything I could to help her. My closure was that I tried to help her, and it left me with a clear conscious. As far as her reply? It was expected in most ways, unexpected in some, but, overall, the tone of the email left me satisfied that the diagnosis about her was dead on and it truly was time to move forward.

I hope this makes sense.

[Mike-X]

What are your concerns about looking at it compared to your concerns about not looking at it?

Can you help me to understand your feelings about sending the closure email and receiving her reply helping with the recovery process?

Hi Mike.

My concerns are too many to list. I guess the main ones are... .

1. She's very pissed and volatile. I don't see how this would be conductive to my moving forward.

2. She's had time to think, she's repentant and she wants help. Being the type of person I am, it'd be VERY difficult to say no this this request.

3. It's some smartass, in my face type of email, just to provoke me.

My head is telling me that, no matter what scenario, there's nothing that'll help me. My heart is telling me that, what if she came to some sort of realization and desperately wants help?

As far as the closure email, I guess my biggest thing was that I did everything I could to help her. My closure was that I tried to help her, and it left me with a clear conscious. As far as her reply? It was expected in most ways, unexpected in some, but, overall, the tone of the email left me satisfied that the diagnosis about her was dead on and it truly was time to move forward.

I hope this makes sense.

Thanks for the reply. Given what you have said, the potential bad seems to outweigh the potential good to me. Even if it were the 'realization' email, would you believe her, would you be concerned that it was some recycle attempt, and what could you do? She needs therapy, right? I guess that you could be supportive as she goes through the process of working with a skilled therapist, but that is about it, right?

With the closure email, I was asking based on concern that you might be questioning the diagnosis and feeling some guilt. But it sounds like there was no need for concern.

[Irish Pride]

What are your concerns about looking at it compared to your concerns about not looking at it?

Can you help me to understand your feelings about sending the closure email and receiving her reply helping with the recovery process?

Hi Mike.

My concerns are too many to list. I guess the main ones are... .

1. She's very pissed and volatile. I don't see how this would be conductive to my moving forward.

2. She's had time to think, she's repentant and she wants help. Being the type of person I am, it'd be VERY difficult to say no this this request.

3. It's some smartass, in my face type of email, just to provoke me.

My head is telling me that, no matter what scenario, there's nothing that'll help me. My heart is telling me that, what if she came to some sort of realization and desperately wants help?

As far as the closure email, I guess my biggest thing was that I did everything I could to help her. My closure was that I tried to help her, and it left me with a clear conscious. As far as her reply? It was expected in most ways, unexpected in some, but, overall, the tone of the email left me satisfied that the diagnosis about her was dead on and it truly was time to move forward.

I hope this makes sense.

Thanks for the reply. Given what you have said, the potential bad seems to outweigh the potential good to me. Even if it were the 'realization' email, would you believe her, would you be concerned that it was some recycle attempt, and what could you do? She needs therapy, right? I guess that you could be supportive as she goes through the process of working with a skilled therapist, but that is about it, right?

With the closure email, I was asking based on concern that you might be questioning the diagnosis and feeling some guilt. But it sounds like there was no need for concern.

Thank you, Mike!

I'm in agreeance. Still haven't read it and, the longer time goes by, the less the temptation is there for me to do so.

I will admit, though, there have been some major back and forth feelings between myself in regards to her diagnosis. But, I've come to this conclusion. Either she definitely has BPD, or I'm the problem. Either way, we're better off without each other.