Real life stresses

[jc2]

I seem to be very confused lately about a number of things - I perceive my BPD partner as re-experiencing all kinds of emotional trauma from years ago - I can also see a number of really difficult real life, present time, stresses.

I cannot cope some days with the intensity of either.

BUT - I want to be supportive with the present day issues but as soon as I try, I feel tripped into other stuff that is neither helpful to her or to me. 

I think perhaps I am just very tired and need some kind of short break.

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[EaglesJuju]

Hi jc2,

I understand how the intensity can be really frustrating.   

It is hard to balance being supportive and not affected by your pwBPD's emotional trauma. I know that my bf's old trauma has affected me and it wore me out at times. 

What things have you been doing with being supportive of you partner?

[an0ught]

Welcome jc2,

dealing with this illness means being confronted with our limits. The very dynamic of BPD ensures that we are driven to the breaking point. It is really, really important to acknowledge that and accept that you do have limits and interests that are worth protecting over the drama de-jour of the pwBPD. A lot but not all drama we are confronted with would not exist in a normal relationship and is the result of the actions of the pwBPD. Realize that some of the drama you see is a reflection of the drama within the pwBPD and driven from there. This drama can't be fixed by ourselves - trying to do so is like running with a garden hose after someone with a flame thrower. Yes, you may save something here and there but you won't win that war ever!

Managing your own resources and energy is key to being in a relationship with a pwBPD. Boundaries are in some sense rules for ourselves and protect us from the folly of getting into fights or expending resources beyond our limits. It is scary initially to let go of control and to stick to not fixing the world that seems to be in flames. Discussing on the board whether and how to stick to your guns or to make an exception, possibly again an exception can clarify your thoughts. Boundaries bring sustainable and energy saving change for yourself. They also enable the pwBPD to behave more responsibly.

I think perhaps I am just very tired and need some kind of short break.

Whatever break you get - use them wisely for yourself

Again ,

a0