My ex is driving me crazy

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I have been divorced for almost 2yrs now.  I was in an incredibly unhappy marriage, and I made the mistake of stepping out.  Ultimately, that was a blessing in disguise from the perspective that the marriage had been over for a long time; this was the catalyst to divorce.  On the flip side, I wronged a person with BPD, which has sent me down some crazy rabbit hole into wonderland.

My ex is yet officially undiagnosed, but every indication is that she is cluster B, BPD.

She is extremely controlling, changing scheduling to inconvenience me and my new wife whenever possible.  She will make crazy calls to family members at odd hours (5-6am) about how she has been trying to reach me for days (despite having just spoken with me).  She continues to lie to (and manipulate) many of my family members; unfortunately, I am the bad guy due to the affair.  Many of my own family members are trying to be "Switzerland", but they continue to be sympathetic to her "stories".  She has been on the brink of arrest on more than one occasion (for domestic violence).

Despite paying child support and alimony on time, spending quality time with my boys, calling them, etc., I am demonized on every front.

I am very concerned for my sons (2 & 4).  Fortunately, I have 6:14 custody (six nights of fourteen).  I have a very supporting and patient spouse.

I don't know what to do, as my ex creates drama at every single possible opportunity, impacting my babysitters, job, wife, family, children, and finances (due to ongoing legal representation).

What next?

[lookingforward13]

I have been divorced for almost 2yrs now.  I was in an incredibly unhappy marriage, and I made the mistake of stepping out.  Ultimately, that was a blessing in disguise from the perspective that the marriage had been over for a long time; this was the catalyst to divorce.  On the flip side, I wronged a person with BPD, which has sent me down some crazy rabbit hole into wonderland.

My ex is yet officially undiagnosed, but every indication is that she is cluster B, BPD.

She is extremely controlling, changing scheduling to inconvenience me and my new wife whenever possible.  She will make crazy calls to family members at odd hours (5-6am) about how she has been trying to reach me for days (despite having just spoken with me).  She continues to lie to (and manipulate) many of my family members; unfortunately, I am the bad guy due to the affair.  Many of my own family members are trying to be "Switzerland", but they continue to be sympathetic to her "stories".  She has been on the brink of arrest on more than one occasion (for domestic violence).

Despite paying child support and alimony on time, spending quality time with my boys, calling them, etc., I am demonized on every front.

I am very concerned for my sons (2 & 4).  Fortunately, I have 6:14 custody (six nights of fourteen).  I have a very supporting and patient spouse.

I don't know what to do, as my ex creates drama at every single possible opportunity, impacting my babysitters, job, wife, family, children, and finances (due to ongoing legal representation).

What next?

[shatterd]

protection order

[Turkish]

Hello lookingforward13

There is certainly a lot going on here, and I'm sorry that your finances continued to be drained due to ongoing legal represention. What's going on there? Senior members on the legal board may be able to help with that if you post legal questions there.

Is your exW diagnosed or in any type of therapy? Whether or not, dealing with an other parent with BPD traits (especially one prone to violence) is a tough road to travel, especially with kids. Almost 50% custody means it's good that the children are with you a lot. Are the days cinsecutive? Do you see signs of emotional distress apart from them trying to process why Mommy and Daddy no longer live together?

Turkish