Just a rotten day

[Depression = 72% of members]

Got woken early today, had a job interview at lunch time, and waking up early first thought, which is the first every day since split is off the BPDX, whats she doing, is she thinking about me (know she isnt as she is living with replacement) so had to much time to think before job interview and couldnt get her out of my mind. Even little stupid things, like on way to interview, drove past hospital she was born at 27 yrs ago, then after the interview, i just felt like i should have been txting or ringing her to tell her how I went.

I cant wait for all these types of constant thoughts to finally end.

One thing I found during interview (was group interview) I had to stand up in front of 20 people and speak, and thats never been a problem for me, but i struggled given that being cheated on by BPDX I have absolutely no self confidence now

[runningup]

Got woken early today, had a job interview at lunch time, and waking up early first thought, which is the first every day since split is off the BPDX, whats she doing, is she thinking about me (know she isnt as she is living with replacement) so had to much time to think before job interview and couldnt get her out of my mind. Even little stupid things, like on way to interview, drove past hospital she was born at 27 yrs ago, then after the interview, i just felt like i should have been txting or ringing her to tell her how I went.

I cant wait for all these types of constant thoughts to finally end.

One thing I found during interview (was group interview) I had to stand up in front of 20 people and speak, and thats never been a problem for me, but i struggled given that being cheated on by BPDX I have absolutely no self confidence now

[Turkish]

It's tough when our emotions dealing with the break up bleed over into other aspects of our lives. My boss, whom I've worked for at 2 companies for 22 years at two different companies (except for 3 years when I worked out of state), said last year, "this experience has changed you." Right he is. I didn't think so, but he's known me since I was 21, so it's an observation I value.

You're still fresh, and the pain of betrayal is somethng I wouldn't wish on anyone. How are you taking care of yourself?

[phxrising]

I hear you. The urge to share and having things remind you of her will pass. It is painful to work through, and it is important.

I had a very close friend with BPD who literally split and cut off contact. He was the person I would have talked through something like that with, so I had the opportunity to reconnect with my friends and journal. 

When we spoke again he would constantly criticize my communication (and I teach communication!) and attack my rationality/logic (and sanity) and then say things like "You have a PhD in communication, you should do better" and "I'm making you better and stronger." I started to believe what he said and still doubt my abilities.

I'm making improvements and it gets easier.

[Infared]

Got woken early today, had a job interview at lunch time, and waking up early first thought, which is the first every day since split is off the BPDX, whats she doing, is she thinking about me (know she isnt as she is living with replacement) so had to much time to think before job interview and couldnt get her out of my mind. Even little stupid things, like on way to interview, drove past hospital she was born at 27 yrs ago, then after the interview, i just felt like i should have been txting or ringing her to tell her how I went.

I cant wait for all these types of constant thoughts to finally end.

One thing I found during interview (was group interview) I had to stand up in front of 20 people and speak, and thats never been a problem for me, but i struggled given that being cheated on by BPDX I have absolutely no self confidence now

I think you are doing well... .it takes time after a betrayal. You are moving forward and mourning what was... .at least for you. You were true-to and respected your relationship. She was incapable of that... .she has BPD.  It gets better... .just keep living your life... .it  will improve  over time. You are just processing the loss like a healthy, loving person.

[runningup]

Got talking to mate this arvo used to work with and havnt spoken to for a while, and he said he "hated the way she used to ___ with me head" which is why we werent as close as we used to be because he couldnt stand watching what she was turning me into.

I went to gym again today, didnt eat enough though

[Infared]

Got talking to mate this arvo used to work with and havnt spoken to for a while, and he said he "hated the way she used to ___ with me head" which is why we werent as close as we used to be because he couldnt stand watching what she was turning me into.

I went to gym again today, didnt eat enough though

Don't worry... .you will eventually get your "rhythm" back. 

[runningup]

Feeling really irritable and angry today, cant stop thinking about her, tried to sleep but cant put her out of my mind, and its upsetting me to a point where I cant find an escape.

[Ramson]

I know how u r feeling. My BPD ex was an excellent liar. I dated her for 8 months. At the same time she was dating another guy and I didn't even know about it. All the time she said she was single. I broke up with her like a week ago I didn't have a clue she was doing this behind my back. I used to take her out on my days off and she used to go out with this guy when he was off. When I was in love with her it was a feeling like I was in heaven I always think abut it I cry every time I think about it :'(. I loved her so much. I did whatever I could do to make her happy I would spend a lot of time to find out about how to help her. She had a lot of relationships before But she said that she is finished with them and want to start a new life with me. I believed her. When I came to know about this 2 weeks ago and questioned her about it. She didn't say anything she knew she was guilty and she just blocked my number. I don't want to talk to her anymore. But I feel like crap my I don't have any conference even to talk to any girl. It hurts when I think about the time I spend with her. My advice to anyone who has finished their relationship with BPD is to take some therapy to get out of it. I will be doing the same. Sorry to write a long reply but I just want to know how it feels when this happens.

[zundertowz]

Feeling awfull today also... .dont wanna be with her but was thinking about her kids today and how sick she is for doing this to them... .also had a brief period today thinking about the positives which are few... .I think going out on a date the other night made me feel worse.  It mad me think of how easy it is them for to replace you with anyone while im having a hard time connecting with people.  No matter how much I hate her the truth is there was a connection at some point for me that cant be replaced by anyone... .for them its just next man aboard.