Mothers Day Wishes?

[Depression = 72% of members]

The $64,000 question.  :)o I break N/C to wish her a Happy Mothers Day? I'm 52 day N/C today. It's been an incredibly hard trip to get to this point.

I didn't wish her a Happy Birthday either on 4/18/15, it was a VERY VERY tough decision to abide by and I still feel guilty for not contacting her, but I don't feel bad that I've been able to stick to my guns (with everyones help of course).  So with 5 days remaining, I'm hoping to once again do the right thing for me and the situation.  My thoughts started jittering when I thought about this occasion coming up.  I know there are going to be so many different occasions coming up where I'll feel alone without her, but I need intelligent references to keep me going the proper path.  It's like I lost my vision and I need someones arm to keep me from falling off the curb into oncoming traffic.

Two weekends ago, she texted my daughter in law and wished her a happy anniv.  So did she do that to show me up, that's she's better and above all this crap? Did she do it because she actually cared? Any other reasons?  But should I let HER ACTIONS affect how I do things?  This is the woman that sent me a final text when she discovered I called her bluff and left "So, I guess your not here." Still to this day I don't know how to interpret that.  So cold and without emotion.

[DyingLove]

The $64,000 question.  :)o I break N/C to wish her a Happy Mothers Day? I'm 52 day N/C today. It's been an incredibly hard trip to get to this point.

I didn't wish her a Happy Birthday either on 4/18/15, it was a VERY VERY tough decision to abide by and I still feel guilty for not contacting her, but I don't feel bad that I've been able to stick to my guns (with everyones help of course).  So with 5 days remaining, I'm hoping to once again do the right thing for me and the situation.  My thoughts started jittering when I thought about this occasion coming up.  I know there are going to be so many different occasions coming up where I'll feel alone without her, but I need intelligent references to keep me going the proper path.  It's like I lost my vision and I need someones arm to keep me from falling off the curb into oncoming traffic.

Two weekends ago, she texted my daughter in law and wished her a happy anniv.  So did she do that to show me up, that's she's better and above all this crap? Did she do it because she actually cared? Any other reasons?  But should I let HER ACTIONS affect how I do things?  This is the woman that sent me a final text when she discovered I called her bluff and left "So, I guess your not here." Still to this day I don't know how to interpret that.  So cold and without emotion.

[Skip]

This sounds like a war.

It also sounds like you are deeply attached to her reactions.

It's OK.  Its only been two months.  See it for what it is.

What is happening here, is that you are putting "No contact" far higher in your priorities than "detachment".  It's like the carpenter who is more interested in driving nails than building something.

Put the hammer down. Read the sign in the right margin. It doesn't say NC Leads to Freedom. Sometimes NC is just attachment at a different level.

It's about detachment.

So in that light, is this a $64,000 question?

I don't think it is.  Unless you had children with her (or she is your mother), mother's days is not a major event between the two of you.  You skipped the birthday.  That pretty much makes the next "holiday" Thanksgiving and then Christmas.

As for her note to your daughter in law - they didn't break up.  Its not the Hatfields and the McCoys.  It seems like that - it does to all of us - and thats why a support group is helpful - we're not filtering these events through the emotions you are (we save that for our own lives   )

If you want to send something - send a belated birthday card.  That makes more sense in the scheme of things.

[DyingLove]

This sounds like a war.

It also sounds like you are deeply attached to her reactions.

It's OK.  Its only been two months.  See it for what it is.

What is happening here, is that you are putting "No contact" far higher in your priorities than "detachment".  It's like the carpenter who is more interested in driving nails than building something.

Put the hammer down. Read the sign in the right margin. It doesn't say NC Leads to Freedom. Sometimes NC is just attachment at a different level.

It's about detachment.

So in that light, is this a $64,000 question?

I don't think it is.  Unless you had children with her (or she is your mother), mother's days is not a major event between the two of you.  You skipped the birthday.  That pretty much makes the next "holiday" Thanksgiving and then Christmas.

As for her note to your daughter in law - they didn't break up.  Its not the Hatfields and the McCoys.  It seems like that - it does to all of us - and thats why a support group is helpful - we're not filtering these events through the emotions you are (we save that for our own lives   )

If you want to send something - send a belated birthday card.  That makes more sense in the scheme of things.

Thank you Skip.  It's a really good response that makes me think.  You are right where I'm thinking N/C is the answer to everything.  On another note, I don't know how I would handle her rejection, and believe me that I WOULD have that in mind if I send anything. I've been in touch with her aunt because her aunts husband is in the hospital in a bad way, but I keep in touch on FB, I pray, I don't do it for the ex.  Some of the family members were absolutely wonderful to me, or just indifferent. When I left Florida, I lost the good the bad and the ugly. All of it.  The detachment to the environment is part of it all. Now the detachment to the ex, but the reasons to have connections is quite confusing to me.  We've never had closure, or anything more than me leaving town while she was working.  I know it would have been HORRIBLE had she known I was leaving.  That could have worked out so many ways.

My birthday is in December.  If she were to send me a card or contact, I'd feel like such a crap in comparison.  But I know I shouldn't.  It's like your damned if you do and damned if you don't. Right?

[valet]

What is happening here, is that you are putting "No contact" far higher in your priorities than "detachment".  It's like the carpenter who is more interested in driving nails than building something.

Put the hammer down. Read the sign in the right margin. It doesn't say NC Leads to Freedom. Sometimes NC is just attachment at a different level.

It's about detachment.

I echo Skip's analysis here.

NC is a tool to help you detach, not detachment itself.

If you contact her and she replies, then you can evaluate the situation from there, remembering to assert your boundaries in a way that is both clear and non-baiting.

If she doesn't respond, then what is different? You just won't feel guilty about not wishing her a good day!

[Skip]

My birthday is in December.  If she were to send me a card or contact, I'd feel like such a crap in comparison.  But I know I shouldn't.  It's like your damned if you do and damned if you don't. Right?

In the same directions as valet, then send her a belated card. Keep it light, send it by snail mail.

[DyingLove]

My birthday is in December.  If she were to send me a card or contact, I'd feel like such a crap in comparison.  But I know I shouldn't.  It's like your damned if you do and damned if you don't. Right?

In the same directions as valet, then send her a belated card. Keep it light, send it by snail mail.

I'm an inch from sending her a text. Damn I want her to know I love her. I do love her.  I'm questioning myself now. What if I'm going about this all wrong?

[Skip]

Don't send her an impulsive text. That will be a turnoff.

DyingLove, don't do anything impulsive.  It will just end up on the junk pile here with a hundred other members that said "nothing changes".

[DyingLove]

Don't send her an impulsive text. That will be a turnoff.

Ok... .I'm not.  But I'm back to feeling crappy.  I really feel like I want her back in my life. Miserable or not.  I know it's gotta be in my head.  I'm starting at one end of the fuse and it's fizzing and burning towards the end.  I just don't know what the heck I'm feeling right now. I have no enjoyment right now so It's difficult to see the good side of things.  I'm still feeling like I want to either go one way or the other, its hard for me to be anywhere but black or white.

[Skip]

If you want something to change - that has to start with you.  And the target really needs to be rationalizing your emotions with you intellect - wisemind. We have a workshop on this.

Many members are in these "too bad to stay, too good to leave" relationships.  That is the equation you need to solve before contacting her.  

And when (if) you do contact her, you need to play it in a confident and masculine way. When and if she reciprocates, you need to have tools (see Staying Board) so that you don't live out the same scenario as last time.

Regardless of her - rationalizing your emotions with you intellect is important.  Regardless of her - you need to have good tools for your next relationship - whoever that is.

All the arrows point in the same direction.

[DyingLove]

If you want something to change - that has to start with you.  And the target really needs to be rationalizing your emotions with you intellect - wisemind. We have a workshop on this.

Many members are in these "too bad to stay, too good to leave" relationships.  That is the equation you need to solve before contacting her.  

And when (if) you do contact her, you need to play it in a confident and masculine way. When and if she reciprocates, you need to have tools (see Staying Board) so that you don't live out the same scenario as last time.

Regardless of her - rationalizing your emotions with you intellect is important.  Regardless of her - you need to have good tools for your next relationship - whoever that is.

All the arrows point in the same direction.

Skip, could you point me to the workshop please.

[Turkish]

DL, check it out:

TOOLS: Triggering, Mindfulness, and the Wise Mind

[DyingLove]

DL, check it out:

TOOLS: Triggering, Mindfulness, and the Wise Mind

Thank you Turkish.  I'm on it now.

[Skip]

How long ago was the last contact?

Attempted contact, nearly every week so far

DyingLove,

What does detachment or even no contact meant to you? If you have attempted to contact her every week (but she is not replying) that is neither detachment nor no contact.

Are you possibly posting on the wrong board?  :)o you want to explore healing this?

It's certainly a huge relationship violation to move out, unannounced, when the partner is away - that's a tough fence to mend - not impossible.

If you are contacting her every week without getting a response, that is making matters worse - you are looking needy.

Maybe exploring what it is going to take to heal this (Staying Board) and looking at your role in the relationship might help clear things up for you.

I'm not encouraging you to stay or leave, just don't go to a doctor for a will, and don't go to a lawyer for a EKG.  

[DyingLove]

How long ago was the last contact?

Attempted contact, nearly every week so far

DyingLove,

What does detachment or even no contact meant to you? If you have attempted to contact her every week (but she is not replying) that is neither detachment nor no contact.

Are you possibly posting on the wrong board?  :)o you want to explore healing this?

It's certainly a huge relationship violation to move out, unannounced, when the partner is away - that's a tough fence to mend - not impossible.

If you are contacting her every week without getting a response, that is making matters worse - you are looking needy.

Maybe exploring what it is going to take to heal this (Staying Board) and looking at your role in the relationship might help clear things up for you.

I'm not encouraging you to stay or leave, just don't go to a doctor for a will, and don't go to a lawyer for a EKG.  

Skip, I haven't actually contacted her at all. It's been N/C.  You've seen my post about "wanting" to break N/C.  But I haven't done that.  It's kinda like that old addage, if you've thought about it, you've actually done it.  So I try not to hide behind the fact that it was a "botched" attempt. So on the POLL, I actually voted more with my intentions and not the actual outcome. Sorry if this confused matters.

No contact to me, is just that. I don't contact her, nor accept any contact from her.  I actually think (with everyones help) I've been holding on pretty good. The rollercoaster ride of emotions is what kills me.  I spend a lot of time alone and that doesn't help.  I'm always open to learning, healing, everything that brings me closer to having a clear path to moving on without glitches.  She has NOT contacted me other than the day she saw me missing from the house.  What I did was what I needed to do at that time. Under better circumstances, I would not have left that way.  If I was there for several weeks more, I would not have hesitated to say that she left me for dead.  After all, it's not only what she did, but it's also the way I responded to everything . Some plants need more watering than others.  Some die easily.

[ReclaimingMyLife]

If you want something to change - that has to start with you.  And the target really needs to be rationalizing your emotions with you intellect - wisemind. We have a workshop on this.

Many members are in these "too bad to stay, too good to leave" relationships.  That is the equation you need to solve before contacting her. 

And when (if) you do contact her, you need to play it in a confident and masculine way. When and if she reciprocates, you need to have tools (see Staying Board) so that you don't live out the same scenario as last time.

Regardless of her - rationalizing your emotions with you intellect is important.  Regardless of her - you need to have good tools for your next relationship - whoever that is.

All the arrows point in the same direction.

I agree the point of NC is detachment, not NC.  For me, complete and absolute NO contact is the way for me to get there. No Contact.  NO Excuses. No reason is good enough at this point to jeopardize my well being.  And truthfully, his well being too.  It is not nice nor loving of me to reach out to him with hopes that HE can make ME feel better.  That is me using him.  In the exact same way I criticize him for having used me.  I must take care of my well-being while he takes care of his well-being. (I realize there are some for whom LC is necessary and possible.  I am grateful there is NO reason for which I must be in contact with my ex).

My/our constant pull to go back to the xBPD just seems so "BPD'ish" of us.  We criticize the pwBPD for looking outside themselves and attaching themselves to us or some other supply to avoid their own bad feelings.  But doesn't it seem like we do the same godd*amned thing?  We feel miserable and want to run back to them to avoid our own misery, loneliness, angst, anger, etc.? 

And we actually know better.  We know better and yet WE keep reaching back.  Be it with contact or with the want for contact.  Or with hatred and the want for retribution.  I promise I am speaking to myself as well.  What the hell is wrong with me that ANY part of me wants to return to a man who told me the most insane lies, stole from me, shut me out, used me, hurt my kids beyond my wildest bad dreams.  What the heck is up with me?  Why would I not just write this person out of my life with one final stroke? 

The answer, it seems, has so very little to do with HIM and everything to do with ME.  My doubts, my fears, my loneliness, etc.

So when I am in NC/No Excuses mode then I have to mean it entirely.  NO excuses... .not birthdays, not mother's day, not threats of suicide, not nothing. 

Once I have detoxed enough that I am detached and indifferent THEN I can reconsider.  But until then, all of my motives are suspect. 

DyingLove, this is just me but I know it beyond a shadow of a doubt about me.  I vote for you staying the course!  You can always do something later (in a year or five years... .or, of course, never )  but probably worth waiting out these feelings of desperation while working on you.  Doing these workshops.  Working with a therapist.  Etc. 

My ex was exceptionally problematic.  But he was never MY problem.  I was MY problem.  The ME that stayed when he was vicious.  The ME that stayed when he lied.  The ME that stayed when he stole.  Me hooking onto him was MY problem. 

As long as I remain in contact with him then I never get to ME.  The ME I want to be who is in a healthy, loving, mutually respectful r/s.  Not one born of two people desperately trying to avoid themselves. 

Again, I speak for me, but wonder what you say, DyingLove?

[ReclaimingMyLife]

And, DyingLove, you have been kicking butt with NC!  So just keep doing what you are doing! 

[DyingLove]

If you want something to change - that has to start with you.  And the target really needs to be rationalizing your emotions with you intellect - wisemind. We have a workshop on this.

Many members are in these "too bad to stay, too good to leave" relationships.  That is the equation you need to solve before contacting her. 

And when (if) you do contact her, you need to play it in a confident and masculine way. When and if she reciprocates, you need to have tools (see Staying Board) so that you don't live out the same scenario as last time.

Regardless of her - rationalizing your emotions with you intellect is important.  Regardless of her - you need to have good tools for your next relationship - whoever that is.

All the arrows point in the same direction.

I agree the point of NC is detachment, not NC.  For me, complete and absolute NO contact is the way for me to get there. No Contact.  NO Excuses. No reason is good enough at this point to jeopardize my well being.  And truthfully, his well being too.  It is not nice nor loving of me to reach out to him with hopes that HE can make ME feel better.  That is me using him.  In the exact same way I criticize him for having used me.  I must take care of my well-being while he takes care of his well-being. (I realize there are some for whom LC is necessary and possible.  I am grateful there is NO reason for which I must be in contact with my ex).

My/our constant pull to go back to the xBPD just seems so "BPD'ish" of us.  We criticize the pwBPD for looking outside themselves and attaching themselves to us or some other supply to avoid their own bad feelings.  But doesn't it seem like we do the same godd*amned thing?  We feel miserable and want to run back to them to avoid our own misery, loneliness, angst, anger, etc.? 

And we actually know better.  We know better and yet WE keep reaching back.  Be it with contact or with the want for contact.  Or with hatred and the want for retribution.  I promise I am speaking to myself as well.  What the hell is wrong with me that ANY part of me wants to return to a man who told me the most insane lies, stole from me, shut me out, used me, hurt my kids beyond my wildest bad dreams.  What the heck is up with me?  Why would I not just write this person out of my life with one final stroke? 

The answer, it seems, has so very little to do with HIM and everything to do with ME.  My doubts, my fears, my loneliness, etc.

So when I am in NC/No Excuses mode then I have to mean it entirely.  NO excuses... .not birthdays, not mother's day, not threats of suicide, not nothing. 

Once I have detoxed enough that I am detached and indifferent THEN I can reconsider.  But until then, all of my motives are suspect. 

DyingLove, this is just me but I know it beyond a shadow of a doubt about me.  I vote for you staying the course!  You can always do something later (in a year or five years... .or, of course, never )  but probably worth waiting out these feelings of desperation while working on you.  Doing these workshops.  Working with a therapist.  Etc. 

My ex was exceptionally problematic.  But he was never MY problem.  I was MY problem.  The ME that stayed when he was vicious.  The ME that stayed when he lied.  The ME that stayed when he stole.  Me hooking onto him was MY problem. 

As long as I remain in contact with him then I never get to ME.  The ME I want to be who is in a healthy, loving, mutually respectful r/s.  Not one born of two people desperately trying to avoid themselves. 

Again, I speak for me, but wonder what you say, DyingLove?

Reclaiming I agree completely on most of what you said.  I say most because certain things just don't register completely yet in my head.  I try to give myself a lot of credit for moving along quickly, and sometimes I think I'm going too fast.  My son, as wonderful and attentive as he is, encourages me to just forget all the crap and move on.  He's never been privy to a position with a personality disorder (although his mother is schitzofrenic). So I've got conflicting feelings and goals and everything hitting me from every direction. If there was only an "owners manual" that I can follow specific directions.  But there are so many speed bumps that just pop up when the sun hits them just right.  So, I know I've gotta work on me, but I can't 100% focus on me due to all the variable going on around me.  If I had the $$$ I would definitely 1- get help, therapy etc. 2- go somewhere that I could focus on me without everything else, distractions, bad advice etc. 3- have a good peaceful restful sleep that only comes with being content.

I've got so many things going on around me that it's becoming overload at time. Even trying to interpret what I read makes me question myself and second guess too much.  I'm going to start exercising soon, just got new sneakers and I'm gonna start stretching this bad leg, and then see about using the gym at the local high school.  I'm focusing a lot on trying to do business/make money, so I can get on my feet. So many things coming at me at once.  So if the s*** didn't hit the fan with the ex, I might still be funtioning in Fl. maybe I would have come around or gotten better accustomed to living with her illness, but chances are it was just a matter of time.  So I go thru this now and not later.  It's almost like I am just as tired trying to overcome all this as I was being drained and burned out in the clutches of my ex.

[ReclaimingMyLife]

Great points,  Dying!   I can relate.   I took a large financial hit in my r/s and need to get back to tending to and growing my business.   I need to pay my current expenses and recoup my losses.   But I spend too much time thinking abt my ex and the trauma of that.  Like I tend to think,  "I will tend to my business when I feel better and get over my ex."  But maybe the reverse is true:  "I will get over my ex we  I tend to my business (and the rest of my life)!“  What do you think?

Maybe I should come on this board once a day for a time-limited period OR when I am in crisis/at risk for breaking NC?  Maybe I am here filling up the void from the b/u which he some value,  to be sure,  but I could also be using this as a way to escape myself like I used my r/s to escape myself?

I am just thinking out loud here. What do you think,  Dying?   Others?   Seems a lot of us took financial hits in / after the r/s.   What are people doing to successfully balance the financial AND emotional recovery?  (is that hijacking the thread?  I will start a new one) 

Dying and everyone,   I am struggling with all of this stuff mightily myself.   I appreciate being able to think aloud and learn from you.

I so wish the part of me that feels any affection or longing for him would go the heck away!

[DyingLove]

Great points,  Dying!   I can relate.   I took a large financial hit in my r/s and need to get back to tending to and growing my business.   I need to pay my current expenses and recoup my losses.   But I spend too much time thinking abt my ex and the trauma of that.  Like I tend to think,  "I will tend to my business when I feel better and get over my ex."  But maybe the reverse is true:  "I will get over my ex we  I tend to my business (and the rest of my life)!“  What do you think?

Maybe I should come on this board once a day for a time-limited period OR when I am in crisis/at risk for breaking NC?  Maybe I am here filling up the void from the b/u which he some value,  to be sure,  but I could also be using this as a way to escape myself like I used my r/s to escape myself?

I am just thinking out loud here. What do you think,  Dying?   Others?   Seems a lot of us took financial hits in / after the r/s.   What are people doing to successfully balance the financial AND emotional recovery?  (is that hijacking the thread?  I will start a new one) 

Dying and everyone,   I am struggling with all of this stuff mightily myself.   I appreciate being able to think aloud and learn from you.

I so wish the part of me that feels any affection or longing for him would go the heck away!

Good post reclaimingmylife, at the end you could have signed both of our names to it.

I feel like everything I've been doing is so darn clumsy, it's like i can't even get out of my own way.  It's like I'm not even suffering correctly anymore.  It's like a just can't catch a break and I feel like I can sleep for 3 days if I could not wake up ruminating. I was going to start an online business when I was in Fl. and that didn't happen. So the funds/money faded away quickly except for some small jobs that continued to trickle in from NY.

Ok, so If I don't refer to the ex or her or BPD being responsible for anything and I accept full responsiblity for everything, this is how it sounds:

I went to Fl. and I sat around doing nothing for nearly 3 years. I neglected myself and any physical duties I had. No one was to blame but myself. I forgot how to be me, how to be content with myself, how to do basic things that I neglected to do because I just didn't do them. I cooked, I cleaned the house, I did the wash, I took care of the 9yo as a parent figure and roll model. I took care of the woman that I love. I put everyone and everything first ahead of me. I felt that I was an important part of a family that allowed me to be part of it so I acted responsible and did what was expected and asked of me without question.  I was not very active because I injured my leg some 5-8 years prior and my lack of activity caused it to hurt more and more to the point of not being able to walk extended distances or periods without rest. I allowed myself to react poorly to stress and avoid removing it from my life.

Aren't I supposed to accept full responsiblity for my actions? I guess I would have to back track a bit in the beginning and change the first sentence to:  I stayed in NY. The End.  So everything that happened to me, got me to being HERE RIGHT NOW. I would have to include what had transpired between the ex and myself. It wasn't only me and I'm not the only one to blame. But had I never have met her, I would possibly not be writing here today, and might be in a better place.  Of course there is a lot to the story, 4 years worth, but in a nutshell that's an accurate possible description.

Financial recovery? Emotional recovery?  I feel like a stroke survivor learning to walk again.

[ReclaimingMyLife]

Dying, your stroke metaphor is particularly poignant.  No wonder you feel "clumsy" in everything you do.  Sounds pretty congruent.  Though difficult and for that I am sorry.  You might actually enjoy checking out the book "My Stroke Of Insight" about a neuroscientist who had a stroke.  She talks about the experience from the outside in (scientist) and inside out (survivor). 

What comes to mind is that we do have to take responsibility for our choices and reactions.  That is important because it is the only thing we can control.  We made mistakes along the way so we need to learn from them lest we repeat them.  I made many bad choices that grew and compounded over time.  I put my intense desire to be with him above everything.  That is something I need to learn from and not repeat.  Doing was so detrimental to my sense of self, my kids, my business, my social life, etc.  Moving forward in the next r/s I need to maintain my own life and sense of self.  Losing touch with all of these things make the b/u that much harder. 

That said, our exs' behavior certainly had enormous impact.  They are not without responsibility.  BOTH ARE TRUE.  We are not the only ones at fault.  They are too.  But we are still responsible for the choices we made in reaction to them and their choices.  We are the only ones who can fix where we are now. 

There is a lot to balance here... .all kinds of recovery... .emotional, social, financial, physical, etc. 

But like a stroke victim we have to do that hard work.  If we were in the rehab hospital they'd be working us hard.  I have never had physical therapy but everyone I know who has says it hurts like hell.  The physical therapists are not trying to get people to "just feel better" but are growing, pushing our bodies to heal and recover.  Which takes a lot of pain and hard work.  I think we are in the same boat here.  We have to push ourselves.  Which means I probably need to get back to work!

We are fighting the good fight!

[ReclaimingMyLife]

One other thought... .regarding the stroke/physical therapy (PT) metaphor:  while PT seems to push and is often painful, they also know when to let you rest.  Nobody PT all day, every day.  Seems that is the challenge (one of them) is figuring out how and when to push in what area.  Surely we won't nail it all the time but I hope so long as we keep at it we'll get there. 

My motto is to be "directionally correct."  It isn't happening in leaps and bounds but so long as I am moving in the right direction, however small a step, then that is progress!

Hard stuff this!

[mks10]

I would just ignore the entire day and not say a word. You will most likely get no response or the response will be some crappy reply that makes you feel worse. I'm prob more cynical and than nice these days when it comes to xBPD partners. My experience was that NOTHING I said mattered and NOTHING ever changed. I just threw in the towel and went NC. Sanity and self-worth have slowly been restored. I'm still a work in progress but I'm starting to like myself again and that feels good.

[ReclaimingMyLife]

My experience was that NOTHING I said mattered and NOTHING ever changed. I just threw in the towel and went NC. Sanity and self-worth have slowly been restored. I'm still a work in progress but I'm starting to like myself again and that feels good.

Good for you, mks10!  Sanity and self-worth are a MAJOR accomplishment.  Thank you for proving it is possible.  I long for the day when I don't think of my ex in any form or fashion.

To that end, here is a bit of good news:  my sisters and I refer to my ex as "my friend."  Just a few minutes ago my sister asked if I had heard from "my friend."  The great news is I answered that question assuming she was asking about the guy I had a lunch date with (my first post-b/u date) this past Sunday.  How cool is that?  I didn't even think of my ex! 

[LeonVa]

My experience was that NOTHING I said mattered and NOTHING ever changed. I just threw in the towel and went NC. Sanity and self-worth have slowly been restored. I'm still a work in progress but I'm starting to like myself again and that feels good.

Good for you, mks10!  Sanity and self-worth are a MAJOR accomplishment.  Thank you for proving it is possible.  I long for the day when I don't think of my ex in any form or fashion.

To that end, here is a bit of good news:  my sisters and I refer to my ex as "my friend."  Just a few minutes ago my sister asked if I had heard from "my friend."  The great news is I answered that question assuming she was asking about the guy I had a lunch date with (my first post-b/u date) this past Sunday.  How cool is that?  I didn't even think of my ex! 

@Reclaiming, that's awesome.  I have yet to get to your stage, I'm out but not yet "replaced" my ex unconsciously.  Great progress!

[ReclaimingMyLife]

My experience was that NOTHING I said mattered and NOTHING ever changed. I just threw in the towel and went NC. Sanity and self-worth have slowly been restored. I'm still a work in progress but I'm starting to like myself again and that feels good.

Good for you, mks10!  Sanity and self-worth are a MAJOR accomplishment.  Thank you for proving it is possible.  I long for the day when I don't think of my ex in any form or fashion.

To that end, here is a bit of good news:  my sisters and I refer to my ex as "my friend."  Just a few minutes ago my sister asked if I had heard from "my friend."  The great news is I answered that question assuming she was asking about the guy I had a lunch date with (my first post-b/u date) this past Sunday.  How cool is that?  I didn't even think of my ex!  

@Reclaiming, that's awesome.  I have yet to get to your stage, I'm out but not yet "replaced" my ex unconsciously.  Great progress!

Thank you, LeonVa!  Not thinking of my ex definitely feels like progress!  Another bit of proof we can/will feel better.  Thank you for your enthusiasm!