Triggers..

[peacefulmind]

Hi family,

I decided to do someting for myself tonight and went out with some friends to watch a movie. I didn't expect the result of this, and triggered me into a deep deep depression, and I feel horrible right now. Last time I went to the movies with my friends, I was still with my ex-BPD, and knowing I was not going to go home and spent the night with my ex-BPD after the movies, triggered my depression and made me feel in limbo once again.

Right now I am sitting here in despair of how to get around it. Every time I do something that I used to do while I was with my ex-BPD, I would come home and spent the night with him/her. Every time I do the same things now, it triggers this overwhelming feeling of sadness and depression. I understand that with time this will make it easier, and the more I continue to do these things for myself, it will subside to become a mere nothing. I am just wondering if anyone else are being triggered by doing things they usually did whilst in their former relationship, and if this triggers you as well?

[Irish Pride]

Hi family,

I decided to do someting for myself tonight and went out with some friends to watch a movie. I didn't expect the result of this, and triggered me into a deep deep depression, and I feel horrible right now. Last time I went to the movies with my friends, I was still with my ex-BPD, and knowing I was not going to go home and spent the night with my ex-BPD after the movies, triggered my depression and made me feel in limbo once again.

Right now I am sitting here in despair of how to get around it. Every time I do something that I used to do while I was with my ex-BPD, I would come home and spent the night with him/her. Every time I do the same things now, it triggers this overwhelming feeling of sadness and depression. I understand that with time this will make it easier, and the more I continue to do these things for myself, it will subside to become a mere nothing. I am just wondering if anyone else are being triggered by doing things they usually did whilst in their former relationship, and if this triggers you as well?

All the bloody time. I can see her bedroom window from mine. Yeah. I moved out here to be with her. So, yes, I have triggers that set me off ALL the time. But I simply will NOT let her "beat me". I'm a stubborn fool like that

[peacefulmind]

Hi family,

I decided to do someting for myself tonight and went out with some friends to watch a movie. I didn't expect the result of this, and triggered me into a deep deep depression, and I feel horrible right now. Last time I went to the movies with my friends, I was still with my ex-BPD, and knowing I was not going to go home and spent the night with my ex-BPD after the movies, triggered my depression and made me feel in limbo once again.

Right now I am sitting here in despair of how to get around it. Every time I do something that I used to do while I was with my ex-BPD, I would come home and spent the night with him/her. Every time I do the same things now, it triggers this overwhelming feeling of sadness and depression. I understand that with time this will make it easier, and the more I continue to do these things for myself, it will subside to become a mere nothing. I am just wondering if anyone else are being triggered by doing things they usually did whilst in their former relationship, and if this triggers you as well?

All the bloody time. I can see her bedroom window from mine. Yeah. I moved out here to be with her. So, yes, I have triggers that set me off ALL the time. But I simply will NOT let her "beat me". I'm a stubborn fool like that

I keep telling myself that, and I believe that once I reach the point where I start to believe it myself, it will make everything less of a problem. Right now though, a simple thing to go to the movies and have a good time with your friends (which I did... .It didn't hit me until I was on my way home) triggers the worst in me, and makes me go back to the dark parts of my memory where I don't want to be anymore  How do you cope, Irish? Other than being stubborn... .

[Dunder]

Hi family,

I decided to do someting for myself tonight and went out with some friends to watch a movie. I didn't expect the result of this, and triggered me into a deep deep depression, and I feel horrible right now. Last time I went to the movies with my friends, I was still with my ex-BPD, and knowing I was not going to go home and spent the night with my ex-BPD after the movies, triggered my depression and made me feel in limbo once again.

Right now I am sitting here in despair of how to get around it. Every time I do something that I used to do while I was with my ex-BPD, I would come home and spent the night with him/her. Every time I do the same things now, it triggers this overwhelming feeling of sadness and depression. I understand that with time this will make it easier, and the more I continue to do these things for myself, it will subside to become a mere nothing. I am just wondering if anyone else are being triggered by doing things they usually did whilst in their former relationship, and if this triggers you as well?

I've been dealing with overcoming a lot a triggers that seem random. For example, my Ex lives in another country so I would fly to see her. I work about 5 miles from the airport so I see lots of airplanes. The first week after the b/u, I couldn't stand to see an airplane lest I be triggered. My feeling is that we need to override these associations with new experiences. Think of your night at the movies as the first step in breaking that association. I still need to take a flight somewhere, but I don't flinch at the sight of an airplane anymore.

[peacefulmind]

Hi family,

I decided to do someting for myself tonight and went out with some friends to watch a movie. I didn't expect the result of this, and triggered me into a deep deep depression, and I feel horrible right now. Last time I went to the movies with my friends, I was still with my ex-BPD, and knowing I was not going to go home and spent the night with my ex-BPD after the movies, triggered my depression and made me feel in limbo once again.

Right now I am sitting here in despair of how to get around it. Every time I do something that I used to do while I was with my ex-BPD, I would come home and spent the night with him/her. Every time I do the same things now, it triggers this overwhelming feeling of sadness and depression. I understand that with time this will make it easier, and the more I continue to do these things for myself, it will subside to become a mere nothing. I am just wondering if anyone else are being triggered by doing things they usually did whilst in their former relationship, and if this triggers you as well?

I've been dealing with overcoming a lot a triggers that seem random. For example, my Ex lives in another country so I would fly to see her. I work about 5 miles from the airport so I see lots of airplanes. The first week after the b/u, I couldn't stand to see an airplane lest I be triggered. My feeling is that we need to override these associations with new experiences. Think of your night at the movies as the first step in breaking that association. I still need to take a flight somewhere, but I don't flinch at the sight of an airplane anymore.

Thank you. Yea, I understand that I need to associate me doing things for myself now with something good, and it is a good thing overall. I have noticed that all the things I used to do trigger me when I go home, because the silence and the loneliness take over. I can't help to feel victimised every single time, even though I am trying to tell myself that I will make the rest of my days the best of my life, and stop feeling like a victim because it serves me no good. It is just hard to forget about how happy I would be every single time I saw my ex, and every time I knew I was going home and have someone to spend my night with before bed.

[Tay25]

I am just wondering if anyone else are being triggered by doing things they usually did whilst in their former relationship, and if this triggers you as well?

When my ex and I broke up there were a few triggers that took a toll on me. I couldn't do anything that resembled her as it was too much to handle. We used to watch movies at home together all the time, I stopped watching movies for 2 or so months. I had met her at work, I didn't go to work for 2 weeks straight because it reminded me of her. Thankfully I am past this, and making changes in my routine/lifestyle to improve myself. For me the key was to keep the focus on myself, even though sometimes it can be challenging.

[peacefulmind]

I am just wondering if anyone else are being triggered by doing things they usually did whilst in their former relationship, and if this triggers you as well?

When my ex and I broke up there were a few triggers that took a toll on me. I couldn't do anything that resembled her as it was too much to handle. We used to watch movies at home together all the time, I stopped watching movies for 2 or so months. I had met her at work, I didn't go to work for 2 weeks straight because it reminded me of her. Thankfully I am past this, and making changes in my routine/lifestyle to improve myself. For me the key was to keep the focus on myself, even though sometimes it can be challenging.

I am so tired of doing this to my friends. I was fine in the start during the movie and had a good time watching it... .But as soon as it was over, it reminded me that I usually go home to be with my ex-BPD, and it just hit me... .We went out for coffee instead and I was just sitting there, saying nothing, completely down and out. And they don't know what to do about it anymore other than letting me sit. I hate what this has done to me and I am so frustrated that I can't seem to get through it easier with the help and presence of my friends. It just doesn't seem to work

[Tay25]

I am so tired of doing this to my friends. I was fine in the start during the movie and had a good time watching it... .But as soon as it was over, it reminded me that I usually go home to be with my ex-BPD, and it just hit me... .We went out for coffee instead and I was just sitting there, saying nothing, completely down and out. And they don't know what to do about it anymore other than letting me sit. I hate what this has done to me and I am so frustrated that I can't seem to get through it easier with the help and presence of my friends. It just doesn't seem to work

Do you have family you can talk to? I talk to my sister a lot about my relationship and it has helped me immensely. I also suggest going to see a therapist if you haven't considered it. I enjoy it very much as it helps me vent my feelings, thoughts and understand more about myself and the relationship.

[PaintedBlack28]

Excellent topic for a thread.

I get triggered into depression all day (and part of the night) long. I just cant listen to the radio because music triggers me greatly. I cant stand seeing cars in the street of a certain make and model. Places, streets I avoid because we used to go together. Almost everything I put my eyes upon, almost everything I think of, triggers me and makes a huge wave of sadness crash over me. It also makes the flashbacks of the relationship start over and over. I know I will somehow survive this.

But it's so damn tough.

[Irish Pride]

Hi family,

I decided to do someting for myself tonight and went out with some friends to watch a movie. I didn't expect the result of this, and triggered me into a deep deep depression, and I feel horrible right now. Last time I went to the movies with my friends, I was still with my ex-BPD, and knowing I was not going to go home and spent the night with my ex-BPD after the movies, triggered my depression and made me feel in limbo once again.

Right now I am sitting here in despair of how to get around it. Every time I do something that I used to do while I was with my ex-BPD, I would come home and spent the night with him/her. Every time I do the same things now, it triggers this overwhelming feeling of sadness and depression. I understand that with time this will make it easier, and the more I continue to do these things for myself, it will subside to become a mere nothing. I am just wondering if anyone else are being triggered by doing things they usually did whilst in their former relationship, and if this triggers you as well?

All the bloody time. I can see her bedroom window from mine. Yeah. I moved out here to be with her. So, yes, I have triggers that set me off ALL the time. But I simply will NOT let her "beat me". I'm a stubborn fool like that

I keep telling myself that, and I believe that once I reach the point where I start to believe it myself, it will make everything less of a problem. Right now though, a simple thing to go to the movies and have a good time with your friends (which I did... .It didn't hit me until I was on my way home) triggers the worst in me, and makes me go back to the dark parts of my memory where I don't want to be anymore  How do you cope, Irish? Other than being stubborn... .

I just do the best I can. Some days I cry, some days I'm mad as hell, some days I'm happy as a pig in poo. I just know that there will be a light at the end of this tunnel and that I have no other choice but to keep moving forward. I guess the biggest thing was coming to terms with myself that it was truly over. No more recycling. Once I made the decision, it's just keeping focused on the road ahead. Not that the road doesn't have bumps, or massive potholes along the way, but I just keep on trucking. What else can you do? The cream always rises to the top.

[peacefulmind]

Tay 25, thank you for your advice. I have a strong background, a loving family and friends that want to help me, but I do believe they have all given up on doing anything but listen to my hardships at this point. I don't blame them, and I recently spoke to some close friends and told them that I understand how hard it is it to relate to what I am going through, because of how insane my description is. They agreed, and supported my idea of coming here, since I am among people who understand what pain and dysfunction pwBPD introduces into your life. The same thing happened with my dad, and he straight up asked me if there was anything he could do other than listen. I told him that talking about it helps, but that I, in the end, is the only one who can make this what it is, the past. I just have such a hard time dealing with my emotions when I get triggered. I can relate to Dunder's trigger of airplanes, I can relate to not wanting to watch movies because that was "our" thing, and Paintedblack28's description is exactly how my triggers make me feel.

I am working on reaching the level of Irish pride and the ability to focus on myself moreso than what once was. I just never thought that I would feel this way. I have never experienced anything like this before, and it came at the worst possible time (I know you can't black and white something as time, but the temporal aspect is very much a trigger itself in this particular case).

Thank you all for sharing your stories and triggers. I'm not in a position where therapy is a possiblity for me, but I have thought of it and close family has called several places to make appointments, only for me to turn it down because I can't let them pay for my mistakes.

I hope this ends soon, I hope my inability to get through this will change to a fresh start and look at life like it was before I was lured in... .

[Irish Pride]

Tay 25, thank you for your advice. I have a strong background, a loving family and friends that want to help me, but I do believe they have all given up on doing anything but listen to my hardships at this point. I don't blame them, and I recently spoke to some close friends and told them that I understand how hard it is it to relate to what I am going through, because of how insane my description is. They agreed, and supported my idea of coming here, since I am among people who understand what pain and dysfunction pwBPD introduces into your life. The same thing happened with my dad, and he straight up asked me if there was anything he could do other than listen. I told him that talking about it helps, but that I, in the end, is the only one who can make this what it is, the past. I just have such a hard time dealing with my emotions when I get triggered. I can relate to Dunder's trigger of airplanes, I can relate to not wanting to watch movies because that was "our" thing, and Paintedblack28's description is exactly how my triggers make me feel.

I am working on reaching the level of Irish pride and the ability to focus on myself moreso than what once was. I just never thought that I would feel this way. I have never experienced anything like this before, and it came at the worst possible time (I know you can't black and white something as time, but the temporal aspect is very much a trigger itself in this particular case).

Thank you all for sharing your stories and triggers. I'm not in a position where therapy is a possiblity for me, but I have thought of it and close family has called several places to make appointments, only for me to turn it down because I can't let them pay for my mistakes.

I hope this ends soon, I hope my inability to get through this will change to a fresh start and look at life like it was before I was lured in... .

Well, you have us. You have this site. It helps. I'm not all the way there yet, myself. I have a therapist appointment for this Thursday, in fact. The one that diagnosed her to begin with. I'm tired of talking about it to my friends. It's not fair to them. I've always been very strong and been able to get over things fairly quickly. I'm amazed how badly this has affected me. I'm done.

You'll get there. Just takes time. I know I'm on my way, but I need a little help. Chin up. You're on your way, too. We all are.

[peacefulmind]

Tay 25, thank you for your advice. I have a strong background, a loving family and friends that want to help me, but I do believe they have all given up on doing anything but listen to my hardships at this point. I don't blame them, and I recently spoke to some close friends and told them that I understand how hard it is it to relate to what I am going through, because of how insane my description is. They agreed, and supported my idea of coming here, since I am among people who understand what pain and dysfunction pwBPD introduces into your life. The same thing happened with my dad, and he straight up asked me if there was anything he could do other than listen. I told him that talking about it helps, but that I, in the end, is the only one who can make this what it is, the past. I just have such a hard time dealing with my emotions when I get triggered. I can relate to Dunder's trigger of airplanes, I can relate to not wanting to watch movies because that was "our" thing, and Paintedblack28's description is exactly how my triggers make me feel.

I am working on reaching the level of Irish pride and the ability to focus on myself moreso than what once was. I just never thought that I would feel this way. I have never experienced anything like this before, and it came at the worst possible time (I know you can't black and white something as time, but the temporal aspect is very much a trigger itself in this particular case).

Thank you all for sharing your stories and triggers. I'm not in a position where therapy is a possiblity for me, but I have thought of it and close family has called several places to make appointments, only for me to turn it down because I can't let them pay for my mistakes.

I hope this ends soon, I hope my inability to get through this will change to a fresh start and look at life like it was before I was lured in... .

Well, you have us. You have this site. It helps. I'm not all the way there yet, myself. I have a therapist appointment for this Thursday, in fact. The one that diagnosed her to begin with. I'm tired of talking about it to my friends. It's not fair to them. I've always been very strong and been able to get over things fairly quickly. I'm amazed how badly this has affected me. I'm done.

You'll get there. Just takes time. I know I'm on my way, but I need a little help. Chin up. You're on your way, too. We all are.

Thank you for your inspirational words, Irish.

I woke up this morning (after last night's trigger event), and was feeling the grief and sadness all over again. I have stayed in bed for 4 hours, just lying here obessing and ruminating about my loss. Is this normal? That trigger events can, at least partly, restart the grieving process?

[Deeno02]

All,

Its going to happen. No way around it. I live 4 blocks from mine, our sons are friends and she coaches my sons volleyball team. Dont think for a minute that seeing her 2-3 times a week at the games or recieving those coach to parent emails dont trigger, they do. Its going on 9 months now and while the triggers are real and painful, its also lessening as time goes on. Seasons almost over and she wont be coaching my son anymore so that will be a big help, but you have to take the pain. Use it. Dont let it get the best of you. Radical Acceptance of it, and move forward. As we say in the military, shoot, move, communicate. Shoot: take the target head on. accept it. Move: Move on, dont become an invalid because of them. Get out like you have been. Communicate: Talk to your friends, talk to your T, talk to us!. Bit by bit it will drift away. Not saying it will be all sunshine and unicorn farts, but it will get better.

[peacefulmind]

All,

Its going to happen. No way around it. I live 4 blocks from mine, our sons are friends and she coaches my sons volleyball team. Dont think for a minute that seeing her 2-3 times a week at the games or recieving those coach to parent emails dont trigger, they do. Its going on 9 months now and while the triggers are real and painful, its also lessening as time goes on. Seasons almost over and she wont be coaching my son anymore so that will be a big help, but you have to take the pain. Use it. Dont let it get the best of you. Radical Acceptance of it, and move forward. As we say in the military, shoot, move, communicate. Shoot: take the target head on. accept it. Move: Move on, dont become an invalid because of them. Get out like you have been. Communicate: Talk to your friends, talk to your T, talk to us!. Bit by bit it will drift away. Not saying it will be all sunshine and unicorn farts, but it will get better.

Thanks Deeno02. I believe that triggers are a common problem in the aftermath of a BPD-BU. I have seen plenty of these in myself and I can relate to what people are experiencing. It's a terrible feeling and it completely ruins my night every single time it happens. But I do also believe that by continuously doing these things for myself, that I eventually will overcome the negative feelings associated with "coming home" without my ex-BPD being there.

I will take my time... .

[Irish Pride]

All,

Its going to happen. No way around it. I live 4 blocks from mine, our sons are friends and she coaches my sons volleyball team. Dont think for a minute that seeing her 2-3 times a week at the games or recieving those coach to parent emails dont trigger, they do. Its going on 9 months now and while the triggers are real and painful, its also lessening as time goes on. Seasons almost over and she wont be coaching my son anymore so that will be a big help, but you have to take the pain. Use it. Dont let it get the best of you. Radical Acceptance of it, and move forward. As we say in the military, shoot, move, communicate. Shoot: take the target head on. accept it. Move: Move on, dont become an invalid because of them. Get out like you have been. Communicate: Talk to your friends, talk to your T, talk to us!. Bit by bit it will drift away. Not saying it will be all sunshine and unicorn farts, but it will get better.

Fully agree. I can my ex's bedroom window from mine. I'm the primary service tech for the place she works. It's inevitable that I will see her. Already have driven by her a few times since the breakup. But, as I mentioned in another thread, I accepted the finality of the situation, embraced it (I truly know it's the best thing for me and my children), taught myself about it, forgiven her, trying to forgive myself, learned from my mistakes and made it a personal vendetta against the disorder. And it's gotten better.

This place helps, so much.

[Trog]

I'm going away with a new woman this weekend to a place I've been with my ex-wife before (same city). I'll steer clear of the exact restaurants etc but this is my first weekend away with a new woman and my first serious foray into the romantic world. I really hope all will be perfect and I'll be so enamored with her that my ex wont cross my mind. I've avoided every city I went to with my ex since the breakup and all active reminders so this will be the first real test.

Other triggers have been music, but mostly I only get upset if I feel lonely. My mind loves to conjure up the good memory (singluar) of our relationship and totally ignore the out and out hair-raising abuse and screaming.

[Hindsight2020]

Hi family,

I decided to do someting for myself tonight and went out with some friends to watch a movie. I didn't expect the result of this, and triggered me into a deep deep depression, and I feel horrible right now. Last time I went to the movies with my friends, I was still with my ex-BPD, and knowing I was not going to go home and spent the night with my ex-BPD after the movies, triggered my depression and made me feel in limbo once again.

Right now I am sitting here in despair of how to get around it. Every time I do something that I used to do while I was with my ex-BPD, I would come home and spent the night with him/her. Every time I do the same things now, it triggers this overwhelming feeling of sadness and depression. I understand that with time this will make it easier, and the more I continue to do these things for myself, it will subside to become a mere nothing. I am just wondering if anyone else are being triggered by doing things they usually did whilst in their former relationship, and if this triggers you as well?

This sort of thing still happens to me all the time. Hearing her name from friends brings up some animosity. Activities we used to do together make me feel uneasy. Certain bands are off limits because of the memories I had with her while listening to them. Even outdoor scents/temperature have triggered me randomly. Like when the weather changes and something about it lays down the foundation of a setting we once shared. It's a struggle, but you have to remember that you will make it through. One day at a time it gets easier.

[Tay25]

Tay 25, thank you for your advice. I have a strong background, a loving family and friends that want to help me, but I do believe they have all given up on doing anything but listen to my hardships at this point. I don't blame them, and I recently spoke to some close friends and told them that I understand how hard it is it to relate to what I am going through, because of how insane my description is. They agreed, and supported my idea of coming here, since I am among people who understand what pain and dysfunction pwBPD introduces into your life. The same thing happened with my dad, and he straight up asked me if there was anything he could do other than listen. I told him that talking about it helps, but that I, in the end, is the only one who can make this what it is, the past. I just have such a hard time dealing with my emotions when I get triggered. I can relate to Dunder's trigger of airplanes, I can relate to not wanting to watch movies because that was "our" thing, and Paintedblack28's description is exactly how my triggers make me feel.

I am working on reaching the level of Irish pride and the ability to focus on myself moreso than what once was. I just never thought that I would feel this way. I have never experienced anything like this before, and it came at the worst possible time (I know you can't black and white something as time, but the temporal aspect is very much a trigger itself in this particular case).

Thank you all for sharing your stories and triggers. I'm not in a position where therapy is a possiblity for me, but I have thought of it and close family has called several places to make appointments, only for me to turn it down because I can't let them pay for my mistakes.

I hope this ends soon, I hope my inability to get through this will change to a fresh start and look at life like it was before I was lured in... .

There should be Therapists available for a sliding scale around you. I pay a very low fee to see mine and it has helped me a lot. They are able to expand on what you say and offer solutions and ways of coping/improving.

[ThanksForPlaying]

There is something to it, from the perspective of brain chemistry.  I'm sure there's a scientific term but for me it's almost like nostalgia.  I tend to get overly attached to things, not in a dangerous way, but I've noticed my whole life that I'm more affected by reminiscences than most people.  Some people can move right along and either hide or ignore the past memories.  I'm not sure if that's a healthy skill or not, but sometimes I wish I was better at it.

Chris Rock had a funny line years ago about the difference between men and women - that women can take their boyfriend to a party and introduce him to three ex boyfriends, while men will cross the street to avoid someone they slept with 15 years ago.  Kind of sounds like BPDs vs nons actually.

[peacefulmind]

First of all, thank you all for your inputs.

Irish pride, I agree. Joining bpdfamily has certainly helped me through a lot already, just by conversating with people who can relate and understand the pain a BPD relationship leaves you with.

Trog, I live by the same idea right now. That I just have to keep doing these things for me, and eventually the thought of my ex when I go home to being lonely, will subside and I will finally be able to be happy about where I am right now.

Hindsight2020, I feel the same way as you do. I have so many triggers around me it seems, just my home feels like it's a jail of broken promises and heartbreak. I can't wait until I find a new place.

Tay25, there are certain therapists available through my work, but they are far from qualified to guide me in this specific situation. I would need professional help, and unfortunately my city does not offer such arrangement. I am learning a lot by reading the different perspectives from this family, and how you all manages to pull through some of the hardest times. I am grateful towards this board, and I will start donating as soon as I get some financial foothold again (another "side-effect" of my relationship... .)

ThanksForPlaying, I've read quite a few articles on the brain chemistry, the prefrontal cortex, amygdala, and the temporal lobe in association with BPD (my work allows me full access to pubmed, MEDLINE, and various other high-end scientific journals) and it truly does seem that the brain is permanently changed compared to healthy controls. It scares me to read this to some extent, because it explains how the emotional aspect of BPD is so much more than simple neuronal networks being messed up. It's the primary brain areas that control emotions and behavior that are directly affected. No wonder that mindfulness therapy works with some success in pwBPD. I have been quite blown away with the evidence available on BPD, but at this point I have no more time to go more into depth with the neural axis involved in BPD. I will return to this subject once I have more time, and get an in-depth understanding of brain functioning in BPD.

I will continue to work on my triggers, and I will try the best to cope with these. My friends and family are all suffering at the moment because of my mental state. I have not only myself and my future to fight for, I have my entire network of good-will people who wants the best for me to fight for as well.

[confusedinWI]

Thanksforpl I'm like you I have always had a higher attachment fit nostalgia memories etc. what hurts more is the the thought that at one time the same memory meant the same to my ex gf and I when in reality it doesn't. There are some memories, as much as they hurt, I'm glad I will at least remember them for the rest of my life even if she doesn't. I had to throw away all her cards, photos, keepsakes because they were triggers. But my mind holds a thousand more. Heck just remembering the way at night she would say "baby will you hold me". I'm proud of who I am and how I loved her. Whether she never remembers this again or blocks it off I'm proud of how I loved her and my kids loved her the best we could

[ThanksForPlaying]

Be proud of it ... .you most likely gave her more stability and love than anyone ever has.  Even if not, you had to be close to the top of the list.  Doesn't really matter, but either way it's something to be proud of.

As for your kids, I do know my father passed along a lot of the nostalgia/memory gene to me.  I still love him and talk to him frequently, but I completely see the genetic passdown and sometimes wish I wouldn't have gotten so much of it.  My father keeps pictures and memories close almost to an unhealthy extent, and I don't want to pass that on to my kids (no kids at the moment so I guess I have time ha)