Funny how she always goes quiet when she gets into a new relationship

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

She met someone last weekend and a couple of days later they are in a official relationship. Haven't heard a word from her since. Before that, she was texting me every day. I'm not complaining, just have noticed the pattern. When she reached out to me back in the beginning of April after I was NC for a month and a half, it was after her last boyfriend broke up with her. This has been happening over and over again for a while now since we broke up in early 2013. She's had quite a few ex-boyfriends since me.

Pretty sure I rattled her a bit because she had asked me in person just days prior to her meeting this new guy if I had feelings for somebody. I told her I did. She immediatly wanted to know who this person was, what she was like, ect. She tried to act indifferent about it but I could tell she was upset (I guess she thought we still had a chance). A little later she said to me she didn't see the point in me helping her (I had drove her to a mental health intake appointment that day) because she thought once I got into a relationship with somebody I wouldn't have time for her. I jokingly tell her, "Well you better find yourself somebody quick then!" I guess she took my advice, haha.

She moves really fast.

[paperlung]

She met someone last weekend and a couple of days later they are in a official relationship. Haven't heard a word from her since. Before that, she was texting me every day. I'm not complaining, just have noticed the pattern. When she reached out to me back in the beginning of April after I was NC for a month and a half, it was after her last boyfriend broke up with her. This has been happening over and over again for a while now since we broke up in early 2013. She's had quite a few ex-boyfriends since me.

Pretty sure I rattled her a bit because she had asked me in person just days prior to her meeting this new guy if I had feelings for somebody. I told her I did. She immediatly wanted to know who this person was, what she was like, ect. She tried to act indifferent about it but I could tell she was upset (I guess she thought we still had a chance). A little later she said to me she didn't see the point in me helping her (I had drove her to a mental health intake appointment that day) because she thought once I got into a relationship with somebody I wouldn't have time for her. I jokingly tell her, "Well you better find yourself somebody quick then!" I guess she took my advice, haha.

She moves really fast.

[Bensonshays]

She met someone last weekend and a couple of days later they are in a official relationship. Haven't heard a word from her since. Before that, she was texting me every day. I'm not complaining, just have noticed the pattern. When she reached out to me back in the beginning of April after I was NC for a month and a half, it was after her last boyfriend broke up with her. This has been happening over and over again for a while now since we broke up in early 2013. She's had quite a few ex-boyfriends since me.

Pretty sure I rattled her a bit because she had asked me in person just days prior to her meeting this new guy if I had feelings for somebody. I told her I did. She immediatly wanted to know who this person was, what she was like, ect. She tried to act indifferent about it but I could tell she was upset (I guess she thought we still had a chance). A little later she said to me she didn't see the point in me helping her (I had drove her to a mental health intake appointment that day) because she thought once I got into a relationship with somebody I wouldn't have time for her. I jokingly tell her, "Well you better find yourself somebody quick then!" I guess she took my advice, haha.

She moves really fast.

Why are you still talking to her, if I can ask? It sounds like she just wants to make sure you're still around when she needs a little comfort.

[DearBFF]

I'd almost guess that she's been pondering things with ex which is why she asked if you like someone or she may have sensed you liked someone even before you did and then she started pursuing ex, but wanted to check with you first to see if you were still interested.  Then when she finds out you're moving on she wants to be sure she has someone else to jump into a relationship with so she doesn't feel alone.  Just the franticness of that feeling alone must be awful!   :'(

I have noticed the same with my BFF who distances herself when she gets into a new relationship.  At first it seemed like her escape, as she was going through a divorce and temporarily staying at her parent's house, they were driving her nuts.  So to get away she'd spend more time with boyfriend at his house, doing things she shouldn't be doing to escape her life/feelings/emotions/etc.  Then came 2nd boyfriend and she was in a really good place overall, soon to move into her new place and somewhat stable making good money although her job was tiring.  Boyfriend #2 actually worked at the job and she eventually got fired over him.  Now there is boyfriend #3 who has practically moved in with her, oddly enough it turns out they knew each other since elementary school so in a way I think he feels safe even though he really doesn't know her.  He not only knows this girl from forever ago, but the girl she is now just wears a mask so much I don't think he's ever seen beneath it.

Yet, boyfriend after boyfriend, I still have times where I hold her sobbing after she's been texting soon-to-be ex-hubby about how sorry she is that she was a bad wife and how sorry she is that she made him cheat on her!  She is so broken yet, instead of the seemingly good guy she has now she'd actually rather go back to hubby who is at minimum emotionally abusive and an awful husband for cheating on her repeatedly?  It's so hard to understand, yet somehow I guess since he's seen her at her worst, he's safer than new boyfriend who could see beneath the mask and RUN!

I just watched this great video on BPD relationships on youtube by Alissierrr, a BPD youtuber.  She tends to ramble but I think she gives a pretty good explanation about why BPDs go back to exs.  (I started this partway into her video, but you may find going back and listening to it all helpful.  FYI: it is a long video and there is some cursing so you shouldn't watch if you would find that offensive.  If you find her video helpful check out her other uploads, you can even search BPD on her channel to only see those videos, there are a lot of them.)

https://youtu.be/Y43NlNuTnBY?t=12m4s

[Infern0]

Almost everyone scopes out exes after a breakup it's not a BPD only trait.  Recycles aren't always the same as the first time round they can be better.  People need to stop with this attitude of "they only want something from you " well yeah... .same thing any ex who gets back in contact with you after a while does.

Stop assigning normal enough behaviours as "BPD traits" there's enough demonizing and bitterness as there is.

[bunnyrabit]

Funny how she always goes quiet when she gets into a new relationship

Not so much funny as it is completely normal. I wouldn't be constantly talking to my ex if I had a new girlfriend as I would be having better things to do then  and it would be rude to the new girlfriend.

Also you seem to still be completely enmeshed with your ex. I mean this communication you have going on doesn't seem to be of the completely detached and wishing each other the best kind... .

Telling her you fancy someone else and then gloating over the fact she's hurting about it... .I can see that it can be an ego boost but it's net a very cool thing to do bro. And it also doesn't necessarily mean that she thought you guys still had a chance. Her coming after you and telling you that she wants you back would be a clear indication of that, anything else might just be some wishful thinking from your part.

Do you seriously want to detach and move on, cause that's not what it's looking from here or do you want her back? Or maybe you'd like to keep being stuck in limbo, playing these silly power- and mindgames with her?

[DearBFF]

paperlung: I keep in touch with all of my old friends (I don't really have exs) as I enjoy catching up with them on their life and am happy to see that they are happy in their life.  I think staying friends even after distance, breakup, etc is not a bad thing as long as we are not getting hurt in the process and based on what you wrote I don't see it that way.   

[enlighten me]

I see this behaviour with my ex but in a different way. Our inly interaction is to do with our son. What I have noticed is her facebook activity dissapears when she is happy in a relationship. The only other times it goes quiet is when she has done something and goes into hiding.

My thoughts on this is she doesnt need the supply as she is getting it elsewhere.