Forgive the typos as I'm writing this on my phone.
I really hope this post could help someone else going through what I went through. I still think about my ex every so often, but I know she's not the one for me. I hope, that if you're lost and hurt by your ex, that this can help.
So here's the gist. Met this girl who I work with and started dating after a few months. I should say that we didn't hangout or anything, other than the casual work related talk (which escalated to flirtation) in the months prior to dating. It started fast and was the best relationship I had ever been in, but that would quickly change. A constant cycle of push-pull kept me coming back, until she was certain I was going to abandon her, which is when she abandoned me. Is she BPD/npd? I don't know, but she certainly had more than a few traits of them.
First month of dating, she seemed heaven-sent, and I fell quick, and hard. She was everything I wanted and we were so similar. We wanted the same things in life. After the first few dates, I had red flags going off about her, but I ignored them. A couple of them being: on the third date, she jokingly admitted to being bat-$&
! crazy, which she quickly changed to being "my exes were crazy, I'm glad you aren't" after I asked for clarification of what she had just said; another red flag was she started talking about kids after two and a half weeks of dating. In all, there were about 5 or 6 red flags that I simply ignored because I thought she was worth it (red flags are there for a reason, I'm running next time).
Second month, the angel I had was starting to turn. By this time we were in a full-on relationship. She would introduce me to people as her boyfriend and vice versa. The first moment I did anything to trigger her abandonment issues or whatever you want to call it occurred a little before a month of dating. I looked at another female, but not how one would think. I simply nodded as if saying hello, to a friend. Apparently that was not what people in relationships do. By the way, she would only get upset and have rage episodes when she was drunk, which was most of the time we went out (another ignored red flag). So we got in an argument that night I "looked at someone else" and it felt as though the relationship that had just started, was over. The next day she called and wanted to know why she didn't wake up in my bed. It was as though nothing had happened. But the seed had been sewn, and it was only a matter of weeks before the abandonment issues would take their toll.
Each week there was an argument: a vacation we had was ruined because apparently I was staring at someone else (which wasn't true, and the ex was drunk), next morning she woke up and it was as though we never argued (again); the next week was about me not meeting her expectations, which literally was said 2 minutes after her saying she was so glad to have me in her life and making her feel safe (and yes, she was drunk again), and she even threw the "looking at another girl" subject in there again. You guessed it, she woke up the next morning as if nothing had happened and was loving and caring again.
There were a few more arguments but I don't want to recall those wonderful memories. Each one came at the heels of going out and drinking, and each morning she act as though nothing had happened. The last argument which was a culmination of all the previous ones and she made me feel like complete crap. It took her a few days to finally "forgive me" and act as though the argument never happened.
I knew I was done for after two months, she ignored me for two days and finally called and said she was over it. Her reasoning was flawed and I didn't buy it, and I knew deep down that I did all I could. The next few weeks I tried to find out what happened and discovered BPD traits, and what it all was. It was like reading the movie manuscript for what just happened to me. After a couple of weeks we started to hangout again, I have no idea why, but the last hangout is what ended any form of relationship with her.
I decided going NC was the route I needed. I also started going to therapy because I literally felt heartbroken and was definitely not the same person I was going into the "relationship." Through therapy I discovered that I have an unnatural fear of failing stemming from a young age that was fostered by a perfectionist mother.
I still work with the ex, and keeping any conversation strictly about work. I know she's dating some new guy, and I feel a mix of sadness for me, and sadness for him for what he's about to go through. Cutting any form of friendship with her was the best thing I could do.
Thank you for reading this, as I truly needed to vent. I can keep going for days, but feel like I've said enough for now.
