Why did you choose your BPDx?

[JayApril]

I was impressed by his motivation, and his positive outlook on life. I had no idea that it was all fake at the time.

He was a foster kid, his grandma raised him until he was about five, and then he became a ward of the state. So he was homless going to school, and squatting with his sister. And I really believed his lies of determination. But, of course I began to see him for who he was.

[zundertowz]

I was impressed by his motivation, and his positive outlook on life. I had no idea that it was all fake at the time.

He was a foster kid, his grandma raised him until he was about five, and then he became a ward of the state. So he was homless going to school, and squatting with his sister. And I really believed his lies of determination. But, of course I began to see him for who he was.

Along with looks I was also impressed with her positive outlook and free spirit... . the fact that I even thought that shows what good actors they are.  It didnt last long she had a tantrum a month or so after we started dating and the dynamics of the relationship changed very early on.  Unfortunatly for me she asked me to move in very quickly, right before her first tantrum.  I wonder if I didnt move in if she would have behaved longer or would have moved on to other supply... .dumb move on my part but she seemed perfect and at the time and I hated my roomate.

[ZeusRLX]

Gorgeous, classy, smart, sexy, caring, thoughtful, kind, family values.

And crazy about me, wanted to spend all her time with me.

Of course, that was the initial impression.

But then other things came into the picture... .Jealous, angry, controlling, verbally abusive, deceiving, lying, manipulative.

[search4peace]

It wasn't her looks per se, as I wouldn't describe her as a stunner, but she had a gentle, feminine quality, intelligent, confident, demure/shy, looked directly at me/into me, she liked being physically close to me.  I felt so validated as a man, as a lover, as a father.  I felt when I was with her that I was the only one who mattered; the adoration; the sense that she would be this way with me always... .basically, the sense that my fantasies of a life-long partner would become real with her.  I felt drunk and wanted to ride the wagon.

Now, knowing her outside of the FOG, these all seem like foolish, childish, even reckless notions of romance and partnership, but at the time, it was all I could see, wanted to see.  That is a brutally hard confession and awakening for someone middle-aged who has already been married/divorced/kids.

[llor]

Mine was beautiful, brilliant, sexual liberated and she made me feel like the greatest man in the world. All the guys before me treated her like ___ and I was the world best boyfriend. She really fitted into my "White Knight" fantasies.

[JayApril]

I was impressed by his motivation, and his positive outlook on life. I had no idea that it was all fake at the time.

He was a foster kid, his grandma raised him until he was about five, and then he became a ward of the state. So he was homless going to school, and squatting with his sister. And I really believed his lies of determination. But, of course I began to see him for who he was.

Along with looks I was also impressed with her positive outlook and free spirit... . the fact that I even thought that shows what good actors they are.  It didnt last long she had a tantrum a month or so after we started dating and the dynamics of the relationship changed very early on.  Unfortunatly for me she asked me to move in very quickly, right before her first tantrum.  I wonder if I didnt move in if she would have behaved longer or would have moved on to other supply... .dumb move on my part but she seemed perfect and at the time and I hated my roomate.

She might have behaved longer but, it wouldnt last long.

[DyingLove]

was one month out of a 4 year relationship that was also very toxic, had i reflected on myself after that doozy it would never have happened. All this has meant for me is that I pushed back a lesson I should have learnt by another 7 years.

This is all too common and we have all jumped out of the Frying Pan and into The Fire. I keep reading one should wait 12 to 24 months after a long term relationship ends. We live in a McDonalds world of impatience.

Maybe when you are 20 or 30. But when you get older, gee, every second counts!  LOL  True about instant gratification though.  Mcdonalds isn't good for health and rushing isn't either! 

I wanted to add something to my original reply to this post.

I can remember the first time, on FB, that I saw my ex's pic.  She looked very "country going to church on a Sunday" the way she was dressed, her hair, her expression. (Damn here come the tears.)  She was not by far any sort of runway model, but there was a down home kinda look in her face.  Something that I have to call "clean" and "wholesome" for lack of a better description.  When I typed to her, the words she typed back came from that "look".  I could just feel how good it was to intercept her every word.  She was a slow typer, and not great grammatically either. But her "look" just burned and burned deeper and deeper into me day by day.  I had no intention of anything developing into what it did, but nonetheless it did.  At one point, being a graphic designer, I took her face, that lovely innocent smile and put it on the Mona Lisa, kinda like a joke, but she looked so damn good believe it or not.  Just like she had posed for it.  So I started building up my thoughts for her.  I wasn't alone, she did the same.  Five months later I was way in love with her. I can still feel my heart reaching out for her to this day.  I told her last year, that not only did I love her, I was IN LOVE with her.  I don't think it registered with her the way It felt in my heart.  I think we all have some kind of story, very similar to this, that keeps us attached not with threads, but with piano wire.  It's hard to break away.  It's like finishing a novel or tv show and you wish it would have never ended.