Hello again Twiggy!
Thanks so much for the information, I can see that you have been dealing with this for a long time. My daughter was diagnosed at 12 w/emerging BPD so my mind doesn't have to work to hard to get the gist of what you have been through with your son.
I understand that you have reached out to your son with love and concern. It is important I think to let him know that you are honoring his request for no contact in order to hold him responsible for some of the feelings he will have from not hearing from you. That's one of the positives I find in this situation for both of you. If you do chose to contact him again you may want to point this out in your communication with him.
As
Kate4queen points out the ever and rapidly changing world of a person suffering with BPD could land your son back in your world at any time. The best you can do for yourself and him is to be prepared for this. Having this time of NC (no contact) will provide you the time and space to learn different ways to communicate with your son and further educate yourself about this disorder, this is another positive of NC.
Learning how to effectively communicate to your son that you hear him, you see his pain, and you are ready to support him will change the relationship dynamic. When one person in a relationship changes, the relationship changes.
One effective communication skill that you can learn is validation. People who suffer from BPD and traits of BPD have extraordinarily high validation needs. Here is some info on validation to get you started:
Validate the ValidWe are here to give you support and feedback Twiggy. Let us know what you think about this skill, validation, ask us questions and we will help you.
lbj